Happy Birthday
by GrandiloquentHeartlessness
Summary: It's been almost two years since Jude last saw Tom Quincy, and she's built a life in London without him. She's moved on completely and totally, of course, but when he shows up at her door, will everything change? Finished/edited repost from early 2009. COMPLETE. Sequel "Lost And Found" posted Jan 8 2013
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hey-la, readers! This story is a _very much_ _edited_ re-post of a story that's been off of the site for almost three years, and I've been working on it for almost four. When I originally published the first few chapters in August of 2008 (I very much underestimated how much work it would be to finish), there were **no** post-London Calling stories **at all** set more than a few days after the finale. So, at the risk of sounding like a super-hipster, I had this idea before it was cool :P

I have put so much time into this story, and it actually feels a bit weird to be finally putting it up again. It's my first long fic, and it's the way I've kept my love of Instant Star alive since it ended. I truly hope you enjoy it. I've enjoyed writing it.

**Disclaimer:** Of course, none of the stuff from Instant Star belongs to me, even if I wish it did.

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><p>"Hi little sis, this is Sadie!" The familiar voice of her sister came out of the little speaker on the cell phone. "Just wishing you a happy 21st birthday! Sorry I couldn't come to see you. Big meeting at G major and Darius said he wants me there. I sent your gift early enough that I think it should be there today or tomorrow. Light a pink candle for me." A voice could be heard in the background, and Sadie shouted back. "One minute! I'm calling Jude! Sorry about that. I have to go. D says happy birthday too. I love you, Jude! Have an amazing day. Bye!" the message ended. Jude deleted it, put her cell in her pocket, and sighed. Her older sister Sadie was always at G Major. It had been over a year and a half now that Jude had been living and working in London, and Sadie had only visited three times. She had stayed for a week to help Jude move into her apartment, had come for two days when Jude turned twenty, and, six months later, she'd been in London for something involving G Major. Jude had barely seen her that time, as she spent most of her time working on business (and "business") with Darius. Jude shuddered. She tried not to think too much about the relationship between her former boss and her sister.<p>

Jude ran her fingers through her hair. So far, her birthday had been surprisingly boring, especially considering everything that had happened the day before. The record label was throwing her a party, but it wasn't until the day after, as they'd already scheduled a release party for another artist the night of her actual birthday. Her friends had given her presents the night before at a smaller party she'd had, and her family had shipped theirs.

So far she had received a new cell phone, several gift cards to various expensive restaurants, a silver charm bracelet with diamond guitar and J charms, a new star ring to replace the one that had broken, an early copy of her first CD from Darius, along with the platinum record she'd been nagging him about, plane ticket vouchers to travel to New York with her dad, and a new journal for her songs.

She had filled almost nine journals now, throughout her songwriting career. She kept them on a shelf here in her music room, arranged in chronological order.

She walked over and looked at the collection of her work, from the battered composition notebook she'd used in grade seven to the beautiful leather-bound book she'd just been given by her mother.

Jude reached and pulled out one of the journals. She opened it to the first page, lightly tracing her fingers over the words written in a familiar handwriting. "Most of us go to the grave with our music still inside us." She smiled. It was the journal Tommy had given her after the release of her second album. It seemed like an eternity ago.

Tommy. God, she had missed him like crazy for a while. A long while. Her new boss had actually threatened to release her from the record label if she could only bring herself to write sad songs.

Jude had talked to Tommy once after her move. It had been at the release party for her first album with Bermondsey (which she'd finished in an astonishing three months after moving by working nearly every day and many nights, working on her music being the only thing she could stand to do most of the time). It felt wrong to be doing it without him, and she'd broken down and called him (his number was buried in her contacts under the name "Jazzy Hands"). He had sounded shocked to hear from her. She could barely remember what they'd talked about, just that they'd talked, and it had been a relief to hear his voice somewhere besides inside her head. She'd started crying after a minute and forced herself to hang up before she could start begging him to come to London to be with her.

But she'd come a long way since then. Now she rarely thought about him at all, and her songs practically never involved him.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. Occasionally she thought about him… More than occasionally, really…

The doorbell rang, quickly snapping her out of her reverie. Jude shut the book and placed it back on the shelf. "Got it!" she shouted in the general direction of the door. She quickly ran her fingers through her hair. It was a mess. Oh well.

Her bare feet slapped on the hardwood floor. When she got to the door, she didn't bother looking through the peephole, just turned the knob.

And her jaw dropped. Because, standing there, in her doorway, was none other than Tom Quincy.

"T-Tommy?" Jude stuttered. It was impossible that he could be here. Impossible. Her brain couldn't quite seem to compute it.

"Hey, Jude. Nice to see you again." He smiled, and her heart leapt.

"Oh my God, Tommy!" She shouted, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him hard.

He laughed in her ear and returned the hug like he'd wanted to do for so long. "Happy birthday, girl."

He felt so real in her arms, but she couldn't believe he could really be there, couldn't believe that she was really holding him again. She felt strange, dizzy, almost giddy.

"Jude!" A male voice called from somewhere inside the apartment. "Who's that?"

Jude started at the sound of his voice. She quickly dropped her arms and pulled away from Tommy. "Um… Just a friend!" She called back, suddenly nervous.

Tommy looked at her curiously, shocked at her abrupt change in demeanor. "I'm sorry. Is this a bad–"

At that moment a tall, blonde man turned the corner. "Um… hello…" He said.

Jude took a step back and stood next to the man, looking uncomfortable. "Um… Alexander, this is Tommy." she said slowly, "You know, he was my producer, back at G Major. I think I've told you about him…"

The man smiled, though there was something strange in his expression. "Sure. Tom Quincy. Good to finally be able to say I've met the producer extraordinaire."

They shook hands briefly. Tommy looked confused, unable to reconcile this man in Jude's apartment with the way he'd imagined their reunion.

"And Tom, this is Alexander. He's–" Jude took a deep breath and bit her lip. How could she tell him? She looked into his face and decided to just blurt it out. Like ripping off a band-aid. "He's my fiancé." She held out her left hand to show him the sparkling engagement ring.

Tommy stood, paralyzed for a few seconds, staring at the ring. He felt as if he'd been punched in the stomach. Jude was looking anxiously up at him, as if waiting for him to start shouting. All he managed was a somewhat choked "Wow." It wasn't quite sinking in.

"Yeah." The man- Alexander- put his arms around Jude and kissed her on the temple. Jude kept looking at Tommy, waiting for his reaction.

Tommy snapped himself out of the shock and pain and forced himself to give his best stage smile. "Well, congratulations girl. Come here."

Relief spread over Jude's features and she stepped into his arms, hugging him, albeit a much less exuberant hug than before.

After a couple seconds, the smell of her hair was starting to make Tommy lightheaded, so he let her go. "Well. This is a… surprise. Sadie didn't… tell me you were–" He gestured vaguely at the two of them, his voice somehow getting stuck on the word 'engaged.'

"You talked to Sadie about me?" Jude asked.

"Um… yeah. That's how I got your address… nice apartment by the way."

"Oh!" Jude seemed to realize that he was still standing in the doorway. "Come in! Sorry."

"Jude, I really can't–" He protested feebly.

"Nonsense" Alexander said, smiling brightly. They began to walk further into the apartment. Alexander continued, apparently oblivious to Tommy's discomfort. "Jude always used to talk about how you were the one that made her the musician she is today. I couldn't get her to stop sometimes."

Tommy raised his eyebrows, and thought he saw Jude wince. "Want some coffee? Tea?" she asked in a slightly higher voice than normal. He shook his head.

"Sit, then." She said, gesturing to an armchair. He did, though the tension in the atmosphere was practically tangible.

Alexander sat in the chair opposite him and pulled Jude into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. She smiled at him sweetly, if a little distractedly. There was a strange hollow feeling in Tommy's chest as he watched them. He turned his head and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Are you okay Tommy?" Jude asked, sounding concerned.

"Me? Yeah. I just have a headache." He responded. The effort to be polite was starting to drive him insane, and the desire to run was building. "You know what? I think I should go, maybe we can do this another time, or something." A hint of sarcasm had crept into his tone on the last part, as hard as he had tried to keep it out. He had no desire to spend time with the two of them. He stood, wanting to get out of there as fast as he could.

"I'll drive you." Jude offered.

"I can take a cab."

"Please Tommy"

"Whatever." He said, trying not to sound as irritated as he felt. He just wanted to get away. He was kicking himself for having come at all. He fought to keep his steps slow as he headed for the door.

"Don't look at me like that Alexander." Jude said from behind him. "Just to his hotel."

"Jude..."

She laughed. "What? Half an hour. I just want to make sure he's ok. Catch up. I haven't seen him in forever. Why? You jealous?" her voice was teasing.

Alexander's reply was dead serious. "Should I be?"

Tommy turned around just in time to see her roll her eyes and stand on her toes to kiss the man deeply, her fingers in his hair. He felt slightly nauseous at the way she smiled as she did it, the way they fit together. He clenched his fists more tightly.

"No." Jude said firmly when she'd broken away. "I love you Alex."

Alexander had no choice but to give in, stroking her hair and saying "I love you more." in a slightly breathless voice.

The pounding in Tommy's head got worse. He put his hands up to rub his temples.

"Let's go." Jude jingled her keys next to him.

He nodded.

"Feel better, mate." Alexander said. "Nice to meet you." The man was smiling, but his eyes were tight.

They shook hands a little harder then was probably strictly necessary.

"You too man." Tommy said halfheartedly, and followed Jude out of her apartment.

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><p>Review if you have something you'd like to say :)<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Alexander watched them leave. He bit the inside of his cheek nervously and ran his hand through his blonde hair. Jude had told him a lot about Tommy– from his musical talent to his producing skill to his hair gel– but Alexander had never been able to shake the thought that there was something more to it. An expression in her eyes that he couldn't place when she was talking. Wistfulness, maybe. They hadn't been just "good friends" who had "dated for a while a long time ago, nothing serious" as Jude had told him when he'd asked, and he _definitely_ didn't believe that it was "really no big deal" to her. Tommy meant something more to her than that. Maybe something more than Alex himself did.

A talk with Jude's sister a few months ago confirmed his fears. He'd asked her because he got along well with Sadie and knew she would tell him the truth.

Sadie had looked extremely uncomfortable when Alexander had asked what had gone on between his girlfriend and Tom Quincy.

"Well, he was her producer…" she trailed off, then sighed and quickly recounted the story, not looking at him. "She had the biggest crush on him, but she was way too young. He kissed her on her sixteenth birthday and broke her heart. Obviously he liked her too, but he dated me anyway, broke _my_ heart." she shook her head at the memory. "They dated and broke up a few more times. She wrote about eight million songs about him. She dated a few other guys but was never really over him. She ended up choosing him over Jamie– who had been in love with her for something like ten years. And later when Tommy proposed, Jude said yes. But when the offer to move to England came, Jude broke off the engagement. Tommy had hurt Jude so many times, but I swear, when she told him he had to let her go, you could hear his heart shattering. He really loved her. She really loved him too. I didn't think she'd make it more than a couple of months without seeing him, honestly."

"But you were wrong." Alexander had said firmly.

Sadie nodded. "I guess you were something of a Tommy antidote, but you're lucky there's an ocean between the two of them, or he could give you a serious run for your money. I mean, even though drama follows them _everywhere_, I've never seen two people be so… right for each other, you know? They fit together, somehow. It just always seemed... right." He'd made a strange sputtering noise and Sadie paused to look at him sheepishly. "Well, I mean, until she met _you_, obviously."

"_Sadie_" Alex groaned.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, or make it sound like dating Jude is a hopeless endeavour. I think that the fact that _she_ left _him_ behind this time is something that made it so she could move on. She had closure this time. I see her with you. You're good for her. You two are good together." Sadie had placed her hand comfortingly on his shoulder. "I know my sister. She really does love you."

Despite her later attempts at comfort, the phrases "lucky there's an ocean between them" and "so right for each other" kept on echoing in his head.

Alex couldn't help but watch Jude carefully after that. He knew she loved him, but sometimes he would catch her staring off into space and fear would shoot through him again. Was she thinking about an upcoming concert, drama at the studio, a new song she had to write, or was she remembering someone Alexander would rather have been erased from her memory?

He learned not to listen too closely to her songs. She made beautiful music, but sometimes her source of inspiration was disturbingly unclear.

He would catch her opening up journals of her old songs. She would open all the books on the shelf at times, he guessed for inspiration, but there was one in particular that she would stare at with a weird nostalgic tenderness. He had opened it himself once while she was out, to see what she was looking at. It was just a small inscription, a quote or something, which confused him until he realized who must have given it to her.

He was seized by the desire to burn it, but he wouldn't have dared. She was more than a little sensitive about her music.

He wanted to throw out all her trinkets– the ones he didn't know the origin of. Jude had once practically had a fit when she'd been unable to find a circle of gold foil. When Alexander had asked what was so important about it, she had shouted that it just was. When she found it, she almost cried she was so relieved. When she thought he wasn't looking, she had placed it over the fingers on her left hand– _like a ring,_ it occurred to him later– heartbreaking sorrow in her expression for a second, before she placed it back in her desk drawer and apologized profusely for having freaked out on him. He tried not to think of the connotations of that.

She was always doing strange things. She'd stopped mentioning Tommy fairly soon after they had started dating, but Alexander was sure she still thought about him often enough.

It drove him _crazy_ sometimes.

Alex proposed to her partly in the hope that he could somehow make it so she would never think of _him_ again. He had thought it had worked. She loved Alexander and he loved her, and it could finally be perfect and simple the way it was supposed to be.

Then, barely twenty-four hours later, _he_ had actually _showed up at her apartment_. Alexander had been in the kitchen when he heard the doorbell ring. He didn't think anything of it until he heard Jude shout. She had sounded so happy. And it had sounded like she had shouted "Tommy"…

Alexander had forced himself not to run to the door, not to panic, to walk calmly, and to smile. He recognized the man– he had two older sisters, both die-hard Boyz Attack fans back in the day– as Little Tommy Q.

He had forced himself to be cordial after seeing Jude's nervous expression, but there was a strange sort of schadenfreude in making a show of his and Jude's "togetherness" in front of Tommy. Asserting his dominance, as primal as it sounded. Proving Jude was _his_. Tom looked as though someone had just slapped him across the face– a mixture of shock, pain, and anger.

Jude looked frightened when she'd told him she was engaged– as if Tommy was going to suddenly start punching people. Maybe he was, Alexander had thought, preparing to protect Jude. But Tom had broken into a smile that wasn't even really forced-looking. Then again, he was a performer, and could probably fake it. Alex had seen Jude fake lots of convincing smiles since he'd known her. This theory was confirmed when he saw the pain return to Tommy's face when Jude hugged him.

Alexander had stood quietly while they embraced. He had forced himself not to be jealous. He was even starting to feel sorry for the distraught man standing in the doorway. Alexander had invited him in, even. It was easy to believe that Jude had broken his heart. He had really looked ill.

But Jude alone with him? Sadie's terrifying words spun through his head. "You're lucky there's an ocean between them, or he could give you a serious run for your money." It was disturbingly easy to imagine his fiancée leaving him for Quincy. The concern she had shown for him– she had actually been eager to leave with him. Alexander was starting to feel sick himself.

He went to the window to watch them getting into his car- Jude rode around either in limos or on her motorcycle most of the time, and didn't own a car.

Alexander watched her lift her hand up to smooth the crease from Tommy's forehead. He let the curtain fall back into place and went to the phone. He dialed the familiar number and was relieved when the person on the other end answered.

"Sadie? It's Alexander. I need help."

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><p>Thank you for reading! Review if you'd like to tell me your thoughts.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Jude carefully put the car in gear. It was harder then she'd expected to be alone with Tommy. She'd known she missed him, but she hadn't known quite how much. All she wanted to do was hold onto him and sob with relief. There were other things she wanted to do too, shoved down as deep into her mind as she could get them– things that were most definitely _not_ appropriate for her to be thinking about when she was engaged to Alex. She did love Alexander. She knew she did. He was so much better for her then Tommy. These thoughts she was having about Tommy were just leftover from how she had felt about him a long time ago. She repeated over and over in her mind that she didn't love Tommy anymore. The ring on her finger was proof of that.

"Engaged, Jude?" Tommy finally asked. He hadn't spoken since he told her where he was staying. His voice was soft, but slightly ragged with suppressed pain.

"Yep." She responded, trying to sound happy.

"For how long?"

"Since yesterday."

"_Yesterday?_" Tommy inhaled sharply and let it out in a hum. "Wow. Missed you by that much." He said quietly.

Jude looked up at him, shocked. The car swerved slightly. Maybe it was true. Would she have told Alexander yes if Tommy had been here?

"Woah, Jude. I was kidding." Tommy gave a short laugh, though it sounded more than a little forced. "Sorry."

"Right. I knew that." Jude shook her head to clear it and looked back at the road. Of course she would still have said yes. They were perfect together, she and Alex. "Anyway, we've been together for a year and a half, almost."

Tommy raised his eyebrows and murmured something that sounded like "over me that fast." Then, more loudly, he asked "What happened to living the rockstar life?" the question was a loaded one, full of thinly veiled pain and anger.

Jude didn't correct his muttering and instead answered the question, taking it at it's basic meaning, not daring to touch the terrifying raw emotion. "I made a compromise. Live a somewhat tame version of the 'rockstar life'. So I'll keep the five star hotels and limos, but I'm not going to oh, say, wake up naked in the middle of Central Park." She flashed Tommy a grin.

He groaned. "Never going to live that down." He muttered under his breath.

Jude smiled. "What _have_ you been doing lately Little Tommy Q?"

He scowled at the use of his old nickname, but didn't comment. "Nothing much. I had to judge World Instant Star for a while. But I quit G Major a little over two months ago. I got D to tear up the contract. Sadie didn't tell you?"

Jude's jaw dropped. "No, she didn't! Why would you do that?" She spluttered.

Tommy shrugged. "Nothing left for me there."

"But Tommy, you love producing."

Tommy shook his head slowly, but dropped his eyes to his hands and didn't argue the point any further.

"Was it because of me?" Jude whispered.

Tommy's head snapped up and he glared at her fiercely. "No." he said through clenched teeth. It was clearly something he'd argued about before.

Jude was a little taken aback. She'd forgotten how quickly he could get angry. "Woah, okay."

"Sorry."

They were silent for a while more. She wanted to say she was sorry for leaving, wanted to say she missed him.

"Look Jude–" Tommy said at the same time as she said "Tommy I–" They laughed a little. Nervously.

"What were you going to say?" he asked.

She lost her nerve. "Why are you here in London?"

"I wanted to get away. I decided to come see you. I didn't expect anything. Obviously not _this_. But I didn't think, really."

"Sadie gave you my address?" When she thought about it, it didn't really seem like something her sister would have done. Sadie was the one who told her she either needed to get back together with Tommy, or forget about him. She had said it wasn't fair to anyone involved if Jude kept holding on to her "Tommy addiction." Jude highly doubted she would encourage them seeing each other.

"Sort of." Tommy answered, in his frustratingly secretive way.

Jude pressed her lips into a tight line in annoyance. "Still a man of mystery I see."

"Sorry." She looked over at him and he smiled at her, in apology, but it didn't reach his eyes. The pain in them sent a pang of guilt and regret through her, and she looked away, back to the road. "When I asked her how you were doing, she would only say that you were fine." he let out a horrible, bitter laugh. "Actually, what she said was that you were doing fine without me."

Jude winced.

"Yeah. Ouch." He laughed bitterly again, then sighed. "One day she was really busy and I offered to take her mail to the post office. At the last minute I grabbed my phone and took a picture of the address on a letter to you."

Jude raised her eyebrows. "Sneaky."

He ignored her remark. "And then I just… needed to get away, so I came to London. I remembered I had your address, so I came to see you."

"Tommy. We can't–"

"I know. I wouldn't, Jude."

"We're here. At the hotel. Are you okay?" Jude asked, asking about more then the headache.

He gave her that look, _her_ look– the one that made her stomach do flips– and nodded.

Tommy silently got out of the car. Jude did too. She just wanted to hug him again. Once. He let her, the sensation painfully, heart-wrenchingly, gloriously familiar. "I missed you Jude" He whispered.

"I missed your hair gel." She pulled back to ruffle his hair and he laughed, swatting her hands away. Jude smiled and pressed her lips to the side of his face for a second before she heard a strangely familiar sound. Like a shutter clicking closed…

"Camera!" she shouted, letting go of Tommy and spinning on her heel. A teenaged kid in all black was running away in the other direction. She shouted at him and he started to run faster. She sprinted after him, her flip flops flying off in the process. She had to catch him.

A sharp pain in her foot made her cry out and stop running.

"Jude!" Tommy shouted, running up behind her.

"God dammit! He got away!"

"Jude, you're bleeding." She looked down. She had stepped on a shard of glass. She lifted up her left foot, leaning on Tommy so she wouldn't lose her balance. The glass wasn't stuck in it, but blood was pouring out of her heel.

She cursed.

Tommy handed her the shoes he'd retrieved, supporting her with his arm around her waist. "That's a deep cut. You should really get it checked out. Get a tetanus shot or something."

His concern made her angry, more at herself than anything. She pushed him away, only to have him catch her again when she couldn't keep her balance.

"Jude, come on. Let me take you to the hospital."

"I think" Jude said through clenched teeth. "You've done enough, Tom." She practically spat his name.

Tommy let go of her as quickly as if he had experienced an electric shock. He didn't say anything.

The pain in her foot was nothing compared to her anger and she stalked– or rather, limped pitifully– off, wincing every time her battered heel touched the bottom of her shoe.

Tommy shouted her name only after she had already stepped on the gas.

... ... ... ... ... ...

The point of the drink Tommy was clutching in his hand was to make him numb, but the images and words from the afternoon still plagued him.

Engaged. That horrible word battered the inside of his head. She had said they'd been dating for a year and six months. Tommy did the math, and discovered that it had taken her all of three months to move hurt him even now to hear her name, and she'd been over him in _three months?_

_She left you, remember?_ a voice in his head reminded him. _Why shouldn't she be over it faster? Why shouldn't she move on?_

God, he couldn't get the image of _his_ Jude kissing that man out of his head. It was made all the worse by the fact that Tommy _knew_ what it felt like to kiss her like that. What it felt like to have Jude love him. And he knew all too well, of course, how it felt to have his heart broken by her.

Tommy Q didn't _do_ heartbreak. Tom Dutois sure as hell didn't. He was a heart_breaker_. But with Jude...

He wanted to punch something, but there wasn't anything safe to hit, and he'd spent too long learning to control his anger to let it slip over this.

He soon gave up and went back to his room. He wanted to hate Jude for what she had done to him, for breaking his heart– _from on stage,_ no less– but somehow he couldn't. Besides, he'd done more or less the same thing to her many times over. The difference was that Jude could stick by her decisions, could make a relatively clean break, instead of relenting and running back like he always had.

He hoped she was okay. That she had taken herself to a hospital.

He'd never get her out of his head. Especially not now, that he'd come to invade her life in London, as if breaking off their engagement and moving to another continent hadn't been enough of a hint that she didn't want him.

Yet somehow he had almost convinced himself that she _did_ still love him, that afternoon. For one crazy moment while she was hugging him in front of the hotel, it had been like so many years before, in those uncomfortable, but strangely exhilarating months when they both knew they couldn't be together, but they both wished they could. Like her seventeenth birthday, locked up together, when all the walls between them had come down.

But she didn't love him anymore, and the memory of her joyful expression when he'd appeared at her door was horribly drowned out by the image of the sparkling diamond on her ring finger, and of her kiss with the man who had given it to her.

He sat down on the edge of the bed with his pounding head in his hands, and soon he was dreaming of a world where Jude Harrison took him with her to England when she left.

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><p><strong>AN: **Thank you for reading! Review if there's anything you want to say/ask/suggest/yell at me about!

Also, all my love to Chloe. Sorry I made you wait three years to finish reading this.


	4. Chapter 4

Aries, there are 25 chapters total.

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><p>Much to Alexander's dismay, it was well over 45 minutes later that he saw his car pull up to the building.<p>

Sadie hadn't been much help. He had been counting on her giving him foolproof ways of destroying Tommy Q. Instead, she said that Jude was a big girl, and that she could make her own decisions. Then, when he started hyperventilating, insisting that it was TOM QUINCY and that he needed help, she told him that he just needed to calm down, trust Jude, and tell her to call when she got back.

Now, he rushed down to meet Jude in the lobby, but she wasn't there. He saw her leaning against the side of his car. She seemed to be looking at the bottom of her foot.

"Jude, what's wrong?" he called, pushing past the doorman towards her.

She looked up at him. "Oh. Hey. It's nothing. I cut my foot."

"How?"

"I was running, my shoes fell off, and I stepped on a piece of glass."

Her foot was bleeding. The blood was the dark red of a deep cut, brightening when it hit the oxygen in the air. She was running? Oh my god. She was running from him. "Jude! Did he try to hurt you?"

Jude was nonchalant. "No." she scowled. "But he had a camera." She looked up at him, looking suddenly guilty. "The picture's gonna be all over tomorrow. Oh, Alex I'm sorry."

Alexander missed the part about the picture, anger rising in his chest at the thought of Quincy hurting Jude. "I'll kill him."

Jude smiled a little. "Thanks. You're my hero, but no. He's just a stupid kid. Besides, you wouldn't be able to find him. You don't even know what he looks like."

Alexander was confused. "Of course I know what he looks like. And isn't he older than you?"

Jude looked mystified for a second, then a look of comprehension dawned. "Oh, no. You don't think that Tommy?"

"Isn't that who we're talking about?"

Jude laughed. "God, no. I was running after some stupid teenage kid with a camera." her laugh suddenly disappeared, her voice turning hard. "Tommy didn't do anything, Alexander."

"How the hell did he even get past the doorman anyway? Fred never lets people through without permission."

"I don't know. He probably took a smoke break or something and Alisa was filling in for him."

Alexander groaned. Alisa was the concierge, and a huge fan of Boyz Attack. She still had a signed photo of the band on her desk, even so many years later. There was no doubt in his mind that she'd let Tommy Q and his bad-boy smoulder upstairs.

"Ow!" Jude exclaimed, having tried to put her foot back down.

Alexander's attention was brought back to his fiancée."Let me see."

Jude scowled. "It's fine."

"Jude." He said sternly.

Her expression softened a little. "Okay." he helped her up onto the hood of his car, keeping her from sliding down it with his arm. She lifted her foot into her lap, showing him the sole.

The cut was deep. "You said you stepped on a piece of glass?" She nodded. "and it wasn't stuck in there?"

"No."

"I should probably take you to A&E. You should get a tetanus shot."

"That's what Tommy said too."

Anger flashed through Alexander again. "I can't believe he just left you, if you were hurt."

"He didn't want to! He was going to take me to the hospital, but I left. I wouldn't_ let_ him help me." She laughed a little, ruffling his hair in a manner that could only be called condescending, reminding him vaguely of his overbearing mother. "Quit trying to blame stuff on Tommy. You're acting like a kid."

"Oh." Alexander forced down the annoyance that bubbled up in his throat. "Well, get in the car. I'll drive."

"Okay." she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you babe." she smiled sweetly and Alex kissed her, helping her down and into the passenger's seat of his car.

... ... ... ... ... ...

It had not exactly been Jude's ideal birthday afternoon. She had waited for almost two hours, and signed about four thousand autographs, including countless scraps of paper dug out of purses, a baby blanket, four casts, a CD, a Boyz Attack shirt (which made Alexander scowl), and the wrist a man had apparently just broken. All that was before being stuck with a series of giant needles, signing more autographs, and watching a fifty-year-old nurse hit on Alexander. All she wanted was to get back to her apartment and play her guitar.

Alexander was running some errand, (having apologized profusely for leaving her there by herself, as if she was deathly ill or something) so her apartment was empty. Just her and her guitar. Ordinarily it would have been perfect...

Except that she couldn't stop thinking about Tommy's expression when she had yelled at him. He had looked so... wounded. And before, when he had first come to her door, she had forgotten everything else at the sight of him.

She couldn't believe he had quit G Major. Despite what he had said, she couldn't help but believe that it was at least partly because of her.

Jude sighed and put her guitar down next to her. She needed to call and apologize, but had lost all her contacts when she'd broken her old cell.

Jude found the number for the hotel on the internet, and called the front desk before realizing she had no idea what Tom's room number was. She took the phone away from her ear and tried to think what to do.

"Hello, is anyone there?" the person on the other line was saying.

Jude picked back up the phone. "Oh, yeah. Sorry. Um... This is going to sound a little strange, but may I please speak to Tom Quincy? He's staying at your hotel."

The woman on the other end laughed. "Do you have his room number?"

"Um, no..."

"Then I'm afraid we can't–"

"Wait. He's my friend. I'm not some crazy fan, I promise."

"I'm sure you aren't ma'am, but we really can't give–"

"But I'm Jude Harrison!" She burst out, exasperated.

"Are you now?" The woman sounded suddenly very amused.

"Yes. And Tommy is a friend."

"Well miss... Harrison" she actually giggled a little. "I'm sorry, I am–"

"Please. It's important! I just got back from the hospital and he needs to know that I'm okay! Can you just... leave him a message from me?"

"I suppose..." The woman sounded a bit annoyed now.

"Thank you. Just tell him... That Jude says she's sorry, and that I went to the hospital and got a tetanus shot, and that I'm perfectly fine, and not mad at him, and that if he comes into the studio tomorrow at around 5:30 PM, They're throwing me a birthday party, and I'd really like to see him there, and that I'm sorry, and I'll explain the picture to Alex, and I'm sorry. And that it was good to see him again." Jude said it all in one breath.

The receptionist– or whoever she was– sounded even more annoyed then before. "So you're sorry, and there's something happening at five thirty? I apologize, but you'll have to speak more clearly."

"Sorry." Jude repeated the main points of the message more slowly and coherently. "When will he get it?"

"I don't know. As soon as he comes down to the front desk."

"Well can you tell him sooner then that?"

"I'm afraid not. Now is that all?"

"But–" Jude shut her eyes in frustration. "Yes that's all. be sure to tell him I'm sorry. And I am Jude Harrison."

There was a click as the woman hung up.

"Who was that?"

Jude jumped, startled. "Alex!"

"Sorry... I didn't mean to scare you. I said hi when I came in, didn't you hear?"

"Obviously not!"

"So who was it?"

"Who was what?"

Alexander frowned. "on the phone."

"Oh! It was just... Nora. About the party tomorrow."

Alex was still frowning. "Okay... Jude you need to be careful of your foot."

"It's fine!" she snapped. "Okay? God!"

He looked as if she had slapped him.

"Sorry babe. I'm just– it hasn't exactly been the ideal birthday."

"Okay." He still looked wounded.

"I shouldn't have yelled."

"Okay."

"Alexander–"

"Sadie called. Told me to tell you to call her."

"All right, but Alex– Alex!"

He walked off into the other room. "God, really?" Jude threw her hands up in exasperation. So she had snapped at him. He didn't have to act like she'd destroyed his life.

The phone rang five times before Sadie answered.

"Hello?" Sadie was laughing as she picked up the phone.

"Hi, Sadie."

"Hey!"

"Alex said you wanted me to call?"

Sadie's tone changed to a more serious one. "Yeah. Look, Jude, he told me Tommy's there."

"Yeah, so?"

"Jude." Sadie warned.

"What?"

"You _know_ what."

"Sades, it's not a big deal!"

"Mmhmm..."

"Nothing happened! Nothing _will_ happen! You're ruining my birthday."

Her sister's tone softened. "I'm sorry."

"I thought this was going to be the best birthday ever!" Jude ranted "I just got engaged, my album is still top 100 even after almost a year, but instead, there's going to be a huge story in the tabloids tomorrow, I cut open my damn foot and had to go to the hospital, and now you're yelling at me for something that's completely not my fault!" Jude stamped her foot without thinking and cried out. "Ow! Stupid foot!"

"Calm down!" Sadie sighed. "I'm not yelling at you. You had to go to the hospital? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Stepped on a stupid piece of broken glass. I got a tetanus shot. It's not a big deal."

"Ouch. I'm sorry. And congratulations to you and Alex, by the way."

"Yeah, yeah."

"I gotta go, but look..."

"What?"

"Do what your heart is telling you to do, okay? And if that's Tommy..."

"Sadie!"

Sadie laughed. "I didn't mean like that. God, get your mind out of the gutter."

"Oh, whatever." Jude smiled a little.

"But seriously. Do what you think is right for you. But Alexander is a really really good guy. Please try not to hurt him too much. If Tommy is what you really want, then you need to let Alex down as gently as possible, and you need to do it now."

Guilt washed through her for lying about the phone call. "I swear. It's not like that. At all. Please believe me. Tommy just... showed up. I was... surprised? I guess? I don't..." she trailed off. There was a long pause, during which Jude thought about Alexander. Sweet Alexander. She loved him. She did. But Tommy'd always been...

"Jude?"

"What?" Jude was startled out of her thoughts, remembering her sister on the phone.

"You don't... what?"

"I don't... This thing with Tommy. It... it doesn't affect the way I feel about Alex"

"You'll do what's right, little sis. Trust your heart" Sadie often said things like this. Clichés. But they usually made Jude feel at least a little better. "Goodnight. Happy birthday."

"Bye Sadie."

She set the phone on the counter. Briefly she considered going to apologize to Alex, but decided that she was too stressed, and would probably end up yelling at him again. So she went back to the one thing that could always calm her down– her guitar.

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><p>Oh my, look at that review button.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

The light streaming in the window next to him slowly woke Alexander. At first he was disoriented, unsure of where he was, until he realized that he had been sleeping on Jude's couch, having fallen asleep watching TV and torturing himself with thoughts of Tom Quincy stealing his fiancée.

It was strange. Normally Jude would have woken him up, rather then let him sleep all night in her living room. She must have really been angry at him.

Or else it had already started... she was already slowly pushing him away. She was already replacing him. Oh god oh god oh god.

It took Alexander a minute to get a hold of himself and calm down. She wasn't going to leave him. They were going to be fine. She loved him. Him– not Quincy.

There was a note from her in the kitchen. It said that she was going in to record, and that she would see him later. She signed simply, "Jude". Not, "Love, Jude", or "Jude" with a heart or a little smiley face, just "Jude". Cold and formal.

He tried to call her mobile, but she had it off. She always did when she was in the studio, he reassured himself. It didn't mean anything.

He decided to shower and go see her himself.

... ... ... ... ... ...

Jude just couldn't nail it.

It was her fourteenth take, and she just couldn't get it right. The song was called "New Leaf"_._ On the surface, it was about her doubts moving to England, about not wanting to leave, about having trouble accepting a new life and new friends and a new career, but, if she was honest, it was more about Alexander and Tommy than anything, and the events of the day before were scattering her thoughts, making it impossible to focus on the song, afraid to face that emotion in light of Tommy actually being in London.

"Having an off day, love?" The voice of Robert, her sound engineer, came through her headphones. They were pretty close, and in many ways he reminded her of her old friend Mason.

"You could say that." She sighed.

He came in and Jude took off her headphones. "That wouldn't have anything to do with this, would it?" He handed her a magazine. With horror, Jude saw the picture of her and Tommy. She stared at it a minute. "Singing Sensation Jude Harrison is seen getting 'up close and personal' with Little Tommy Q yesterday afternoon. Could love be in the air?" The caption read.

The ironic similarity of this caption to the first tabloid article ever published about her was almost sickening. "Oh my God." Jude groaned.

Robert looked sympathetic "Tell me about it?"

"It's just– he's an old friend."

Robert gave her a skeptical look.

"Okay! We used to date. It's not like we were that serious, or anything."

"Jude..." Robert could tell she was lying. "I did pay attention to pop culture before you moved here. I seem to remember an interview in which you were... jumping on a couch?"

Jude shut her eyes briefly at the memory. She cursed under her breath, then snapped her eyes back open "Fine! So, I was in love with him... Once. Big deal."

"You don't still have feelings for him, do you?"

Jude hesitated just a bit too long, and Rob gasped. "You do! But what about Alexander?"

"Shut up!" Jude groaned. "I'm... it's just... leftover from how I used to feel about Tommy. I swear, he's just my friend. Nothing else. And I couldn't care less about what those damn press vultures have to say."

"If you're sure." He squeezed her shoulder. "Do you want to take a break?"

"It's not a problem, really. I'll nail it."

"You've been trying for a half an hour now, superstar. You should take a break. You're starting to hurt my ears."

"Thanks." She said sarcastically. She reached up with her left hand to push her hair out of her eyes and Rob gasped. Too late, Jude realized she hadn't told him about her engagement. He had just seen the ring.

"Jude!" He practically shouted, grabbing her hand to examine the diamond. "Is this what I think it is? What the hell! Were you and Alex EVER going to tell me? I thought we were FRIENDS!"

"Sorry." she responded a little snappily. "I guess it slipped my mind." She pulled her hand away.

"Slipped your mind?" he cried incredulously.

"Yes, Robert! Slipped my mind! There's just a lot of drama right now, and it just... slipped my mind." She took a deep breath to calm herself down.

"Jude, Jude, Jude." he shook his head pityingly. "When is it?"

"When is what?"

"The wedding!"

"Oh. We haven't picked a date, Rob! God, it's been like a day!" Fear shot through her at the word wedding.

"Well then how did he propose? I can't _believe_ he didn't at least MENTION–"

"Can I just go back to singing? Please?"

He narrowed his eyes in a way that might have been threatening on anyone else, but on him was just adorable. "Fine. But this conversation is _not_ over!"

She smiled a little, lifting one corner of her mouth. "I know." She put her headphones back on, cleared her throat, and tried to drown out everything in her head except the music.

As she sang, she thought about Alex, about how he'd proposed.

.

He'd woken her up on the morning before her twenty-first birthday.

"Jude?" She felt a hand on her head. He stroked her hair gently. "Jude, love, get up."

She groaned, rolled over and opened her eyes. "Ack."

Alexander smiled. "Good morning to you too."

"I thought you had classes today." Jude said, wiping the sleep from her eyes. Alexander was in his third and final year of university, and was majoring in business.

"Not 'til eleven." He sat down on the edge of her bed. Jude pushed herself up on her elbows.

Alex was running his hands through his hair (a nervous habit of his), and there were lines of tension on his face.

"What's wrong babe?" Jude asked, sitting up and shifting position so she was sitting up next to him, her legs over the side of the bed.

"Nothing's wrong." He looked surprised.

"You look tense."

"Not at all."

Jude rolled her eyes. "Come on Alexander, I know you better than that." she bumped up against him playfully. "What's making you so nervous?"

"Jude–" he got up off the bed. "I- I made you breakfast." He turned and grabbed a tray with waffles and juice and a single rose in a vase, putting it down on the bed next to her. His hands were shaking.

She looked at him, confused. "Babe, that's sweet of you, but you know my birthday's not until tomorrow..." She sighed as he stood there fidgeting nervously with something in his pocket. "For God's sake, what is _wrong_, Alex?"

He coughed, not taking his hand out of his pocket. "Um... Oh God. I was going to work up to this. This isn't right. I had this whole thing planned out, but now I can't remember any of it."

Jude was confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Um well, I- I asked your dad, when he came a few months ago, but I haven't been able to get up the courage to–" he broke off. "I don't know why, I mean the worst that could happen is that you– well, no that would be– what I'm trying to say is–" He stopped and took a breath, running his hand through his hair.

Tiny hints of panic started in Jude's stomach. "Alex, what _are_ you saying?"

"I'm saying, Jude I'm saying–" He got down on one knee. Jude's heart started to speed up in a way that was decidedly unpleasant.

"Alex..."

Everything seemed to slow down. In that awful slow motion, Alexander took a little velvet box out of his pocket.

"Jude Harrison, you are the most incredible person I know. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If you would" He opened the tiny box to reveal a beautiful diamond ring. He took a deep breath and grabbed her fingers lightly. She could still see him, feel his fingers, but she also saw Tommy, so long ago, holding her hand in the same way. When Alexander said those two words "Marry me?" Their voices echoed in her head. It was almost too much.

.

_This is a new leaf  
><em>_This is a new life  
><em>_But it's harder than it seems_

_._

She channeled the memories into the chorus, closing her eyes.

.

She was stuck, panicking. "Alex, I–" his green eyes (his blue eyes. Oh God.) looked hopefully up into hers, and she felt like she would split down the middle. "Thank you. You're... a great guy." The hopeful smile froze. "But I didn't expect... I– I'm so sorry."

His face fell, and he sank back, dropping her hand, until he was sitting on the floor, staring at the ring in his hand. "You're saying no." he whispered.

His expression broke her heart and she backpedaled, instantly doubting her gut reaction. "Not no, Alex. I– I just have to... think about it. It's a lot to... digest, I–"

He looked up at her again. "You have to think about it?"

She nodded. "Just to sort things out in my head. I'm sorry."

He took a deep breath. "It's ok. I understand, it's just..." he laughed once. "Not how I pictured it."

"I know. I know. I'm so sorry."

"Well... I'd better go. I have class soon." He stood up shakily.

"I thought you had like, half an hour?"

"Um.. yeah... Sorry, I remembered I have to..." he waved a hand vaguely and muttered something inaudible.

Jude stood up. "Have a good day." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek.

He gave her a pained look and said "Think fast, ok? I–" he broke off and shook his head. "No, never mind. It's alright. Take all the time you need." He placed the ring on her dresser and then turned back, grabbing both of her hands. "That'll be there, ok? I _love you, _Jude." He said it pointedly, as though he was trying to pack as much meaning as he could into the three words. "I'll see you tonight."

She nodded and he walked away.

After he left, Jude collapsed onto the bed, covering her face with her hands. What was she going to do?

That night, she was getting ready for the party and he'd called. She'd been freaking out all day, unable to reach Sadie or Jamie or her dad. She'd almost called her mom, but had decided not to bother her, given that they'd not had that kind of advice-giving relationship for a long time, especially since her parents' divorce and her mother's remarriage.

"Hey, Alex."

"Hi. Are we still doing this party thing?"

"Of course."

"Am I still picking you up?"

"Yeah. That would be great. Thanks."

"Alright. I'll be there in twenty."

"See you then."

He hung up without his usual "I love you," but he hadn't seemed angry, or even really hurt. He was giving her space, she realized. He was still sweet as ever, even after what she'd done to him, which must've hurt like hell.

That was what did it.

When he came to her door, he looked at her cautiously. She smiled at him and he smiled back, saying "You look good, Jude." He didn't ask for her decision. She slipped her hand left hand into his right, intertwining their fingers. He looked at her in surprise, lifted their hands, stared at the diamond ring he'd felt on her finger. "Jude" he'd whispered breathlessly. "Does this mean..."

.

_And with this new leaf_

.

She sang the last lines softly.

.

She looked at him, standing outside her door. Her heart was racing, beating too hard, feeling like it'd burst from her chest. There was a rushing in her ears. She smiled. "Yes." She whispered, and the rushing seemed to stop all at once. "Of course I'll marry you."

.

_I'm rid of you_

.

"Jude," Rob's voice came through her headphones when the last note had died down. "That was... wow. Incredible. Come out here and listen."

... ... ... ... ... ...

Later, she was sitting eating her lunch– alone, which was somewhat unusual for her, but then again, she had a lot to think about– when she heard a familiar voice from behind her timidly ask "Jude?"

"Hey Alexander." She picked at her food, not meeting his gaze. "What's up?"

She heard him pull out a chair and sit next to her.

"Did you see the tabloids this morning?" He asked quietly.

Jude bit her lip. "You have every right to be angry at me." She put her head in her hands.

"Me?" Alexander sounded so surprised that Jude looked up. "I thought you were mad at me."

"No. I just... had a bad day yesterday. I shouldn't have yelled."

"Are you..." Alex trailed off.

"Am I what?"

"going to break off our engagement?"

It was Jude's turn to look surprised. "No! What? Why?"

"Because of... Things that happened yesterday."

Jude looked pointedly at him. "You mean because of Tommy?"

Alexander only looked down in response. Jude smacked the back of his head. "Oi! What was that for?" He protested.

"_He_ has nothing to do with us. He's really just an old friend."

"With whom you were once romantically involved!"

"Operative word there being 'were', babe. Past tense. We're not dating anymore. It's been a long time. I broke up with him before I left." It took a lot of strength not to openly wince at the memory.

"So... You don't still–"

Jude interrupted him before he could ask her a question she couldn't honestly answer. "You know, when we started going out, I never took you for the jealous type."

"I'm not!" Alex protested. "It's just... he's easy to be jealous of, Jude. You two have this– I dunno– connection. You can see it from a mile away."

"We've known each other a long time."

He wasn't buying it. "A connection you don't have with Jamie, who's been your friend for practically your whole life."

Jude sighed. "He... We..." she forced a smile. "It's really nothing babe, I promise. Can we just... stop fighting?"

Alexander nodded. "Truce?"

"Truce."

And they kissed.

It occurred to Jude, however, when she bid him farewell to go back to recording, that the smile on her face wasn't so much from the reconciliation with Alexander, but more from regaining the modicum of control she'd had over her life before Tommy Quincy had come and made her lose her grip again.

* * *

><p>Thank you, my lovely readers. Thoughts of all sorts are welcome in reviews.<p>

The song lyrics in this chapter are my own. The full version of the song exists somewhere, but also kind of sucks.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Hello, readers. Just to let you know, from now on I'm actually going to try to solidify my posting schedule, so barring technical difficulties or something, I will update on Wednesdays and Sundays. Also, sorry if you got an e-mail alert saying chapter 7 was posted. It isn't, but the thing originally posted two copies of this chapter for some reason... I don't know.

* * *

><p>It was almost 4:30 in the afternoon before Tommy was able to drag himself out of bed. It was his stomach that finally made his decision for him. He hadn't eaten for almost 24 hours, and he was starving. He showered and dressed in a daze– leather jacket, jeans, typical Tommy clothes. He carefully gelled his hair out of habit, not actually caring much what it looked like.<p>

The lobby was too bright, and he almost considered going back up the stairs, but he couldn't ignore his growling stomach. When he passed the front desk, the girl behind it called his name. He turned.

"Message for you Mr. Quincy!" She said in an unnecessarily breathy voice. He nodded. "It's from someone who" she giggled "claimed to be _Jude Harrison_."

Tommy rolled his eyes and sighed exasperatedly. They were pretending to be Jude now? The girl giggled and continued, obviously interpreting his disinterest with the caller as potential interest in _her_. "Made up some ridiculous story about having just gotten out of the hospital. Tetanus shot or _something_. Thought you'd _care_."

Tommy's head snapped up. Tetanus shot? Maybe it _was_ Jude. He quickly pulled out his cell phone and called her– she was the only one he had on speed dial, which was pathetic, of course– walking quickly away from the desk, ignoring the receptionist's cry for him to wait.

"Hello?" The voice on the line was vaguely familiar, English, and male. It took Tommy a second to register that it was the fiancé.

"Um... can I talk to Jude?"

"She can't pick up her phone right now she's–" he broke off laughing.

"Alex!" Jude laughed in the background. "Give it to me!"

After a few seconds, Jude answered. "Hello?"

"Jude. Hi. It's Tom."

Jude sounded surprised. "Oh! Tommy, hey! Just a second." He heard her talking to the man, and then heard the sounds in the background of her call got quieter until he heard the sound of a door closing. Then her voice came back on the line. "Hi! I'm glad you called. Did you get my message?"

"They told me you called, but didn't really tell me what you said."

Jude sounded exasperated. "That stupid receptionist." She proceeded to tell him that there was a party, and that he should come to the studio at 5:00. "The party is at a hotel, and I'm going to the studio before to get changed, so just ride with me."

"I don't have anything to wear." Tommy protested feebly.

"It's fine. There's a suit here you can wear. Nora had Emily get it for Alexander, but they messed up and the size is way wrong. It's actually weirdly convenient. You wear a 40 regular, yes?"

"Yeah." Tommy felt an absurd twinge of happiness that Jude remembered the minuscule detail of his suit size. "So... If I come with you, is" He cleared his throat. "Alexander going to be there?"

He could practically hear Jude rolling her eyes, but she made no comment about his intense desire to avoid the guy. "Actually, no. He's here right now, but he's leaving before you and I have to. Some 'family meeting'" Jude put heavy vocal quotes around the last two words.

"I'm... sorry to hear that."

Jude laughed. She knew him too well. "You're _such_ a liar, Quincy. Anyway, I almost had to go with him, but this party got me out of it." She lowered her voice. "Thank God."

Tommy raised his eyebrows, and almost commented on the irony of her spending time with him while avoiding her boyfriend's family, while it had been her insane desire to meet _his_ family that had broken them up; ruined her album, but he decided it wouldn't be a good time to bring up that painful memory.

"So," Jude was saying. "It's probably going to take about 9 hours to do my 'uncooperative' hair, and knowing you, yours will probably take even longer than that, so I should get going. Well, I mean... if you're coming."

Tommy groaned quietly. He couldn't believe he was doing it to himself, but if the fiancé wasn't going to be there... "I'll come" he grumbled.

"Terrific!" Jude said. "See you at five o'clock, then."

"Bye."

... ... ... ... ... ...

When Tommy got to the studio later, Jude was nowhere to be found. Alexander was sitting in an armchair typing on his laptop. Reluctantly, Tommy greeted him. "Jude's fiancé."

Alexander responded cooly without looking up "Jude's ex-fiancé."

Tommy was so surprised, he let out a shocked laugh instead of getting angry like he normally would have at the invasion of his personal life. "Touché. Jude told you about that?"

Alexander looked up. "Not exactly. Sadie did."

Tommy raised an eyebrow. "Ah. Where's Jude?"

"Hair. Takes forever. Can you be honest with me?"

Tommy stared at Alexander, who was looking up at him with a somber expression. "Depends on what you ask me."

Alexander shut his computer and stared down at his hands in his lap. "When you and Jude were dating..." he trailed off.

"When me and Jude were dating..." Tommy prompted impatiently after a long moment.

"Right. When you were with her, did she ever seem, I dunno, distant? Like she was thinking about something else? Someone else?" Alexander mumbled the last part as an afterthought.

Tom thought about that. Had she? No. He knew for sure that she hadn't. Even before they'd been together, any time he was around her, she'd always been focused mostly on him. _Too_ focused, he'd always felt, back when he was still bothering to keep from admitting his feelings for her. Even when they were fighting, even when he'd been a jackass and broken her heart again, even while she was dating someone else, he could never have said it felt as though she wasn't _thinking_ about him. He knew that was the reason for the scowl that had often appeared on Vin Spiederman's face back during the brief period that Jude had dated her guitar player, not to mention a big part of the reason he and Andrews had never been exactly the best of friends. Jude's focus on Tommy was always very intense, _especially_ when they'd been a couple. He was about to say as much, when Alexander spoke again.

"Because, sometimes, when I'm with her, she'll just ignore me and like, stare off into space. Or even when she's talking to me, she'll seem distant. And when I kiss her, sometimes she just seems, I dunno, bored or something. Disinterested."

The satisfaction those words gave Tommy was profound, and he almost didn't keep a smug smile from spreading across his face. Instead, he looked at the man in front of him. He looked distraught, deep lines of tension in his forehead and worry in his eyes. Tommy suddenly felt sorry for him. For all that Jude made fun of Tommy for the girls that were always throwing themselves at him, she didn't understand the power of her own pull. Tommy knew better than most how strong a grip Jude could have on the guys around her, and this kid was clearly head over heels. A surprising amount of his jealousy having temporarily abated after Alexander's admission, Tommy took pity, and lied. "Yeah, Jude's like that. She's usually thinking about music or something. Writing songs, you know? She just... lives inside her head sometimes. It's an artist thing. It's not you."

"Really?"

Tommy nodded.

Alex breathed a sigh of relief and most of the tension left his face. "Thank God."

"Glad I could help." Rolling his eyes, Tommy mumbled under his breath, "Anything to help my ex-girlfriend's relationship with her new fiancé, right?"

"What?" Alexander asked.

"Nothing."

Alexander went back to his paper, trying to be comforted by what Quincy had said, and not think about the fact that Jude mysteriously never seemed distracted while she was with Tommy.

Having gotten tired of waiting, Tommy texted Jude "im here where r u –T"

The reply came back almost immediately "xoneibg –J"

Tommy stared at that for a moment. Xoneibg? Was he supposed to know what that meant? He was about to text her back to tell her she was insane, when his phone vibrated again, and the text appeared on the screen "i ment coming sry. new phone". Tommy laughed and replied. "wow j. just wow"

Alexander sort of chuckled, as if he was in on the joke and then asked "what's so funny?"

Tommy pointed at his phone. "I was just texting an insane woman."

Much to Tommy's annoyance, Alex winked at him. "Your girlfriend?" He asked the question hopefully.

Tommy frowned. He was about to correct him when, from behind him, Jude called "Hey guys!"

At first, Jude beamed when Tommy and Alexander both turned around and stared. She walked up to them and spun around slowly, arms out, smiling. Emily, who was a few years older then Jude, one of her first good friends in London, the daughter of her boss, and one of Bermondsey Records' PR people/stylists, was the only person in the world who rivaled Portia in her ability to choose amazing dresses for Jude, and she had really outdone herself this time.

The dress was a bright blue, lovely with Jude's blue eyes and pale skin. It was belted at the smallest part of her waist with a gold belt. The deep-V necked dress _also_, along with the (admittedly quite uncomfortable) bra Em had picked, made her normally non-existent cleavage look much more impressive, which... was probably the main reason for the way she was being stared at, now that she thought about it. Emily had been irritated when she'd seen Jude's foot bandaged in gauze, but had managed to find shoes that didn't send shooting pains through the bottom of her foot when she put them on. Jude was secretly relieved she didn't have to wear the murderous heels Emily had picked out originally.

Alex and Tommy were still staring at her, mouths slightly open, and Jude laughed nervously. "Okay, guys, the staring thing's getting a little old..."

Tommy recovered first and broke into a smile. "You look amazing, Jude." Jude's skin tingled at the word "amazing" and she smiled. She stepped into his arms and he kissed her on the cheek, hugging her less tightly than she would have wished, aware of Alexander standing next to them.

Her fiancé cleared his throat, and Jude let go of Tommy. "You look really beautiful." Alex said, feeling instantly inferior to Tom's smooth charm.

"Thanks babe." Jude responded, flashing him a smile before turning back to Tommy. "I've got a suit for you back there." She gestured down the hallway behind her. "Third door. I'll show you. Just a sec." She turned to Alex. "Don't you have to leave soon?"

"I probably should."

"Alright. Bye." she gave him a quick hug.

"What? No kiss?" Alexander's voice was teasing, and he was smiling, but it didn't reach his eyes, and there was a little crease in between his eyebrows that told Jude he was upset. She felt a twinge of guilt, but ignored it, shaking her head.

"Lipstick, babe. Em spent like, half an hour on it. She'd murder me." She stood on her toes, pressed her cheek against his, and kissed the air. "I love you." She said.

"Love you more." he muttered, bending down to kiss her forehead.

When Alex had walked out the door, Jude turned around to see Tommy leaning against the wall looking amused.

"So this Emily must be an absolutely terrifying person." Tommy said, as they walked down the hall.

Jude looked up at him. "What? Not at all. Em's great. Why?"

Tommy smirked. "Oh, nothing. It's just, your makeup never stopped you before. Back when _we_ were dating, didn't a girl once break a hairbrush because she was so fed up after the ten-thousandth time she'd had to redo your lipstick before a show?"

Jude opened and closed her mouth a couple times before finding her voice. "I was 18! It was... Alex and I are not you and me, Tom."

Tommy laughed and said "Yeah, I got that."

"Shut up." Jude groaned. "You don't have to look so damn self-satisfied!"

Tommy just laughed again, and Jude practically threw the suit at him. "Jerk" she muttered angrily.

He gave her that look, and she fought uselessly to keep the scowl on her face. "I'm sorry." he said quietly, looking at her with the full force of his puppy dog expression.

"Just put on the tux, Quincy." Jude said, rolling her eyes, her anger having evaporated.

"That's my girl." Tommy winked.

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><p>Thank you for reading and reviewing!<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

This chapter is really long. There was no good place to break it apart. Sorry about that. (or you're welcome, depending on your point of view.)

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><p>The ballroom in which the party was being held was already filled with people. Important music people, distinguishable by the smugness about them (they owned many of these people, and were well aware of it) and the drinks already in their hands; reporters (no cameras were allowed, Jude had informed Tommy on the drive over, but select magazine reporters were allowed to attend to write articles), with their notebooks, attentive looks and quick, sharp movements– ready to catch any drama that might occur; and other artists and producers, most of them trying their hardest to charm anyone that could get them somehow ahead. As soon as Tommy and Jude walked through the double doors, a spotlight was on them. Tommy tried to step back into the hallway, but Jude hooked her arm through his and pulled him forward, whispering "Smile, Quincy!" through her own grin.<p>

"Ladies and Gentleman, the woman of the hour, Jude Harrison!" a man with a microphone said from the stage. "Happy 21st Birthday Jude!"

Jude and Tommy both waved and the band started playing Happy Birthday– the one that Jude couldn't stand. People started to sing and Tommy felt Jude's muscles tense. By the last "happy birthday to you" she was making a noise through her smile that sounded a bit like growling. Tommy could barely contain himself, he was laughing so hard. After the spotlight was off them, Jude smacked his arm. "Not funny Quincy."

He took a deep breath in an effort to stop his laughing. "No, very funny Harrison." She hit him again and he pretended it hurt, clutching his arm and gasping dramatically. She rolled her eyes. Suddenly something occurred to him and he said "Isn't me entering like that instead of your fiance going to cause some havoc among the vultures?" Tommy gestured to a short woman in a long, green dress who was staring at them and scribbling ferociously in her notebook.

Jude rolled her eyes. "Who _cares_ Tommy? C'mon. I'll introduce you to people. That," She pointed to a short, brown-haired guy with a half-full glass in his hand. He was laughing loudly and Tommy could tell he was already a bit tipsy. "is Rob. He's my sound engineer. He's great." She laughed suddenly. "Also, he's a bit of a lightweight. That's probably his first drink. He only drinks at parties, but he'll usually drink about four, pass out, and someone'll have to drive him home." She smiled affectionately. "The guys he's talking to are my back-up band. Max– the one in the hat– is my drummer, the blonde guy next to him is Chris, and the other one is Aaron." She then turned and pointed. "Over there talking to the guy in the tacky blue suit is Nora– my boss."

"She as bad as D?"

Jude grimaced. "Sometimes. But I have more freedom at Bermondsey to set my own hours, more artistic freedom, you know. And at least she isn't getting it on with my sister." Tommy and Jude both shuddered.

Then, a thin girl with waist length platinum blonde hair tapped Jude on the shoulder, and she turned. "Hey!" the two embraced and then Jude said "Tommy this is–"

He cut her off "Emily Richards?"

Jude was confused. "Wait... you two know each other?"

Emily's jaw dropped. "Little Tommy Q!" she squealed, and practically threw herself into his arms.

"Hi, Em." Tommy laughed, a little startled.

Emily untangled herself from Tommy and said, in a breathy voice Jude had never heard her use before, "The last time I saw you, you had cornrows!"

"When Jude mentioned an Emily, I didn't realize. How have you been?"

"I'm terrific! Working at Mum's company. And you've been producing, eh? Never thought Lil' Tommy Q would give up the spotlight."

"Helloo!" Jude said, waving her hand in front of Tommy's face. "You guys know each other?"

"You could say that." Emily winked suggestively, and Jude tried to fight the irritation that was bubbling up.

Tommy looked a little uncomfortable, not unlike the look he'd had when Cassandra Hayward had walked into the studio that morning years ago. That thought lead to another one, and Jude found herself mumbling "Ahhh. Emily, first column, fourth from the bottom. 'Record company heiress. Met her in England on tour'."

Tommy let out a surprised laugh "Are you talking about that list? First column, fourth from the bottom? How much time did you spend looking at that?"

"Pretty much constantly for a couple days." Jude muttered.

Tommy widened his eyes. "That's..."

"Yeah, yeah. I was... insecure. It was a long time ago."

Emily looked between them with a sort of simultaneously confused and amused look on her face. "Well, Tom, how about a dance?" She asked after a few seconds. Tommy looked at her, and then back at Jude. "Jude was in the middle of introducing me to people, but if she doesn't mind–"

"She doesn't, does she?" Emily said quickly, shooting Jude a "back me up!" look.

Jude forced a smile. "Not at all."

Em mouthed "thank you," led Tommy a ways away, and wrapped her arms around his neck. Jude tried and failed to rationalize the jealousy she felt.

"Green's not your color, Jude."

"I'm not jealous, Robert." She answered him without tearing her eyes away from Tommy and Emily.

"Uh huh. What about Alex?"

Jude forced herself to look away from Tommy and look at her friend. She scowled. "What _about_ him?"

Rob gave her a look that said "you know what I'm talking about" and Jude sighed. "Don't judge me, Rob, please."

"I'm not. But Alex is an old friend of mine. I want this to work out for him."

Jude hissed to avoid being overheard by the reporters. "I'm not DOING anything. God, haven't you ever met up with someone you used to be in love with? Don't you understand how this feels?"

Rob nodded. "Of course I have. Of course I understand." he reached the hand not holding his half-full drink around her to pat her back comfortingly.

"I just, I see him, and I– I – all of these feelings start bubbling up and then there's Alexander and I'm engaged and I can't be thinking thoughts like these about Tommy and–"

"Jude. Jude shhh." Robert said gently. "Love, it's your birthday! Just enjoy it!"

"You're right. Of course you're right."

"Mmm, but I can see why you're staring... You think he plays for my team?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Jude let out a laugh and shook her head. "No way. Not a chance. Besides, what would Marco say?" Marco was Robert's on-again off-again boyfriend.

Robert sighed. "They never do. But for now I can take solace in the fact that you can't have him either."

Jude made a noise of protest.

"Kidding, Jude, kidding... but you _can't_ have him, you know."

"Of course I know that Robert! I'm not an idiot!" she scowled.

"I don't appreciate the comment about Marco, by the way. He does not own me. Besides, it's not like I was–" Rob cut himself off, saying "Whoops! Sexy boybander at ten o' clock!" and sliding away to talk to some industry people. "Rob!" she protested. She turned to see Tommy coming towards her. Emily was talking to a friend and coworker of hers on the other side of the room. Em's cheeks were pink, and she was talking a mile a minute, gesturing excitedly and looking frequently at Tom's retreating back. Jude could almost hear her squealing. She looked back at Tommy, and plastered her "rockstar smile," as Liam had called it, back on her face.

When Tom reached her, he asked, "What were you and" he struggled for a moment to remember the name "Robert, yeah? What were you and he talking about so heatedly?"

Jude lied without missing a beat, sighing for effect. "He's upset because I didn't tell him about, you know" she raised her left hand, where Alexander's ring felt heavy and strange on her third finger.

Tommy went "hmm." and then said, somewhat more brightly "Anyone you haven't shown me yet? Which one of these guys replaced me?"

Jude, who had been looking past Tommy at Emily, snapped her head back up to look at him, confused. "Quincy..."

Tommy shook his head. "As your producer, Harrison. As your producer."

"Of course, right." Jude said, flustered. Then she computed what he said, and looked up at him indignantly. "What makes you think I have a guy producing me?"

Tommy gave her a "like it matters" look, and said. "Fine. Which of these _people_ is your producer? Miss politically correct."

"Unbelievable. I am my OWN producer."

Tommy snorted a laugh. "What record company would let you produce your own stuff? Have they _heard_ your third album?"

It was a low blow. Jude narrowed her eyes. "For your information, Quincy, I am a _terrific_ producer when I haven't just had my _heart ripped out_."

Jude said those last three words with such venom that Tommy actually took a step backwards.

The corner of her mouth twitched into a little smile, and Tommy relaxed. "I know you are, Harrison. I was just surprised. Sometimes it's hard to remember you're not still fifteen and right out of your basement." That was partly a lie. He had no trouble remembering Jude wasn't a kid anymore. Especially when she was wearing that dress...

Tommy mentally smacked himself, forcing his mind not to continue down that road. He snapped himself back into focus, before Jude even noticed anything. "You've grown a lot, girl."

"Well, I had a good teacher." Jude smiled and hit him playfully on the shoulder.

Tommy remained serious. "Jude, I'm sorry about what happened in New Brunswick. I messed up. I know that album wasn't your fault. I–"

Jude cut him off "Tommy." She laughed once, a quick, sharp sound. "We've already had this conversation. It was a long time ago. It really doesn't matter." Sadness crept into her smile. "Besides, we both know we're pretty much even."

Tom breathed in sharply, wincing.

Many expressions flicked across Jude's face: sorrow, regret, guilt, pain; then, bafflingly, a very brief twitch of the smile she got when she was pleased with herself. Her expression finally settled into, even more strangely, a smile one could easily describe as _seductive_. Her voice got huskier as she said "Speaking of things you taught me, Tommy." she paused, looking up at him from under her eyelashes, and a not unpleasant jolt shot through Tommy's chest. He looked at her, confused, until she finished her sentence in her normal voice, smiling broadly. "I have to go shmooze some industry guys."

"God, Harrison." Tommy breathed. "Don't _do_ that to me!" It was something of a game that she'd played with him a long time ago. An irritating game. He frowned.

Jude responded with a huge smile, and a laugh that was really more like a giggle, and gave a little wave as she left, turning and walking a few paces to shake hands with an imposingly tall man in a black suit and disturbingly orange tie.

Tommy fought the impulse to stare at Jude as she walked away, and decided to do some shmoozing of his own. He'd never tell Jude of course, but the reason he'd left G Major had not been at all for lack of love for the job. He had no desire to stop producing. G Major just held too many memories. Every time he turned a corner, something would remind him of Jude. It had gotten to the point where he just couldn't take it anymore. D had seen it too, as well as a somewhat dramatic decline in Tommy's production quality, which was the only reason he'd agreed to let him leave G Major before his contract was up. The truth was... Tommy needed a job. Not because he was hurting for cash. Hardly. But he was itching to produce again. Every time he heard music playing in a restaurant, or a shop, or the car speakers of some guy driving with his windows down and his stereo blaring, his brain flashed things that he could do to change the sound. Mess with the levels, add different instrumentation, change the tempo– he was a producer, through and through. And since he had already ignored his better judgement and brought himself back into Jude's clutches, as it were, he figured, if he could find a job in London, all the better. Tommy had always loved the city, despite... incidents that had occurred there when Boyz Attack had toured in the UK.

He didn't have to look very hard, as it turned out. Emily came up behind him and touched his arm, stunning with all her blonde hair and her long, long legs. Even years ago, when they were both high school age, she'd been gorgeous. Near as he could tell, she'd never had an awkward stage. "Tommy!" Emily said, her voice still holding the breathy quality Tom knew she didn't speak with ordinarily. "Hey Emily."

"I'd like you to meet someone, actually, Tom." She led him over to a tall, blonde woman that looked a lot like Emily herself, except that the blonde in her hair clearly came from a bottle, where Tommy knew Emily was proud of the fact that she came by her white-blonde tresses honestly. Tommy smiled at the woman, recognizing her as Jude's boss, the head of Bermondsey Records, London.

"Mum," Emily said, "I'd like you to meet a friend of mine. This is Tom."

Tommy reached out a hand, and Nora took it, grabbing it lightly and nodding her head. Her tight, almost-smile was one characteristic of powerful women. "I'm Nora Richards. You're Little Tommy Q, am I right?" she said in a clipped English accent.

"Used to be." Tommy corrected, with a twinge of irritation. Would he EVER escape that damned nickname? "Now it's just Tom Quincy. My Boyz Attack days are long over."

"Mum, Tom is a producer now." Emily said proudly, putting her arm through his. Emily said his name often, he noticed, and when she did, she said it so she was more breathing the word than saying it. He smiled absently at her and then looked back to her mother.

Nora raised her eyebrows "Producer? Who do you work for?"

"No one at the moment. But I worked for G Major for about four and a half years. I produced several artists, most notably your artist Jude Harrison, as well as Karma's earlier stuff, Mason Fox's first album, an album of Shay's, and several others. I also judged World Instant Star for a few months."

"Why did you leave? Or did they fire you?" Nora asked, eyes narrowed.

"Mum!" Emily exclaimed.

Tommy clenched his jaw, but kept the smile on his face. "I quit for personal reasons. You could say I needed a change. Thought I wouldn't miss the job."

"And _Darius Mills_ let you go? Doesn't seem like him. If he wanted you, wouldn't he have made you stay?"

"You're right. It wasn't easy. But he and I go back a long time, and even Darius eventually gives in, if he sees you're not giving up. Everyone's persuadable, Miss Richards, if you know what buttons to push."

Nora held his gaze for a moment. Then her face broke into a real smile. He'd said the right thing. "True, Mr. Quincy. Too true." She turned her face to her daughter. "Emmy, go talk to some industry people, dear. I'd like to speak with Mr. Quincy."

"Mum! I'm not a child!"

Nora's green eyes narrowed and seemed to snap. "Emily Jane." she said the name sternly.

"Fine." Emily sighed, pouting and detaching herself from Tommy's arm. "See you later Tom."

When she was gone, talking to a handsome 30-something man in a grey suit, Nora studied Tom's face, then said "I don't beat around the bush. I've heard the work you did on Jude's earlier albums, and I think you're good. Do you live in London?"

"Honestly, I don't really live anywhere right now. I own a loft in Toronto, but I haven't really been living there for almost a year."

Nora nodded slowly. "I see."

Tommy waited, unsure of what she wanted from him.

"Well?" Nora said. "Do you have a business card for me?"

"Oh!" Tommy said, surprised. "Of course." He had been carrying them more out of habit than anything– he'd had them printed years ago, and kept a few in his wallet– but he reached in his jacket and handed the woman a card.

"I'll keep you in mind if I'm ever in need of a producer, Mr. Quincy. It's been a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure's mine, Miss Richards." Tommy said, still surprised. He hadn't really been expecting to make any headway as far as getting a job. _Especially_ not with Jude's boss. He shook Nora's hand, and she looked over his shoulder and said "Jude! Happy birthday!" her voice was suddenly candy sweet and she let go of his hand, drifting over to Jude and giving her a hug.

"Thank you." Jude said, smiling. "I see you've met Tom."

"Indeed I have." Nora said, smiling at him. "We had a nice conversation, actually."

"Tom was my producer for years. He pretty much taught me everything I know." Jude beamed at him.

"Did he?" Nora seemed like a completely different person from the woman he's been talking to a moment ago. Tommy was slightly disoriented by the sudden switch, and before he could even respond, there was another. "Jude." Nora said, suddenly stern. "I heard about your engagement. Of course, I'm very happy for you and Alexander" Tommy noticed with curiosity that she said the man's name with almost as much distaste as he would have. "but I'm warning you right now, if you so much as miss ONE day of recording or are ONE minute late for a performance, I WILL tell you to postpone this wedding. Do you hear me?"

"Nora." Jude said "We haven't picked the date for the wedding. Or even talked about talking about picking a date for the wedding. The music is first for me. Always. Promise."

Nora nodded "Good for you. That's all I needed to hear." she paused and then tipped her head in towards Jude's and lowered her voice, as if she were about to confide a secret. "I just want to make sure you know what you're doing. You know I don't think much of that boy."

Jude pursed her lips, trying not to roll her eyes. This was clearly a conversation they'd had many times before. "I know you don't. But he's a good man, a good person. Really. Please believe me."

"Of course." she patted Jude on the shoulder. "You look nice. Emily's work?" She didn't let Jude answer, giving her a quick kiss on each cheek and saying "Have a good birthday." she walked away, heels clicking.

Jude watched her boss, shaking her head. Then she looked at Tommy almost apologetically.

"Wow." Tommy said.

Jude laughed. "Yeah. She's... intense." She waved him over to her and put her arm through his, walking through the crowd of people in the ballroom.

"So, how do you know this Alexander guy, anyway? He a musician?"

Jude shook her head. "Hardly. He's a horrible singer, has no rhythm, and you don't even _want_ to see him play guitar." She laughed, not unkindly, but rather fondly. "I tried to teach him, a long time ago. Before we started dating. I thought, you know, I'm ok at guitar" Tommy snorted at that, and Jude grinned "okay, I'm pretty amazing at guitar. It shouldn't be too hard."

"But you couldn't do it?"

Jude groaned. "God, most frustrating two weeks of my life"

Tommy shook his head. "Does he at least _like_ music?"

Jude laughed. "He loves it. His music collection's almost as impressive as my dad's. A lot of completely obscure rock, and like, old jazz, but he can appreciate most music."

"Wait" Tommy said "If he's not a musician, how do you know him?"

"He's related to my boss" Jude said, almost sheepishly.

Tommy smirked. "Mmmm. Marrying the boss's kid. Been there, done that."

Jude rolled her eyes. "She's his aunt" she clarified. "And Nora doesn't exactly get on with her younger sister..."

"I'm surprised." his smirk broadened into a grin "It seems like she holds him in such high esteem."

Jude laughed and was about to respond when a man came up behind her and touched her on the arm. "Miss Harrison." he said in a Scottish accent. "Time for your performance."

"Oh! Thanks." Jude smiled at the chance to perform. She grinned excitedly at Tommy. "You get to hear my new stuff! Be back in a bit."

The man led her through the crowd and up onto a stage that had been set up at the far end of the ballroom.

"Hey everybody!" Jude said into the mic. "Thank you all so much for coming to my birthday party!" The guests clapped and Jude smiled, and said something to the band.

She sang two songs he didn't recognize, and then I Just Wanted Your Love, from her third album, which he did. Watching her perform again made the breath hitch in his throat. She'd always been most beautiful when she sang. She lit up. He watched and tried not to think of the last time he'd seen her perform live. After her last song, Jude took a sip of water and addressed her audience again. "Now, I know that it's _my_ birthday, but I've actually got sort of a present for you all." She paused for effect, taking a breath. "My good friend and former producer is in town, and, if he'll agree to it, I'd like him to come sing a duet with me. Can you put a spotlight on Tommy please? He's right there." She pointed.

Tommy groaned, but smiled as people applauded and turned to look at him.

Jude beamed from the stage and waved for him to come up. Tommy moved through the crowd and onto the stage. Jude hugged him and kissed him on both cheeks. "What are you doing, Jude?" he hissed in her ear.

"Please?" she breathed "For my birthday?" Her lips brushed his ear. Shivers ran up and down his spine, which he did his best to ignore. "You play dirty Harrison."

Jude pulled back, winked and addressed the audience again. "Give it up for Tom Quincy!"

The guests clapped and cheered obligingly. "I didn't give Tommy any warning about this, so give us a minute while we work out some details. It'll be worth it, I promise you." The audience lapsed into conversation as Jude turned away from the mic and asked "What do you want to sing?"

Tommy raised his eyebrows and said "I _don't_ want to sing, Harrison. You're the one who dragged me into this. Way to think this through." but he was smiling a bit as he said it.

"Spontaneity, Quincy. Spontaneity."

Tommy snorted.

Jude thought for a second and shrugged. "How about Here We Go Again?"

He groaned. "Why _that_ song?"

"Because I like it. It's a good duet. Our best duet."

"But it's..."

"I know what it was. But it's something to sing. If you want to sing something else..."

"No. It's fine."

"It's just a song Quincy. It doesn't have to mean–"

"I get it Jude. You're keeping your audience waiting. You want me on piano you on guitar like usual?"

"For the beginning, sure. Take the electric halfway through and come up to sing. They'll love it."

Tommy nodded.

Playing together again was surreal for them both. Tommy could almost feel that day in New Brunswick when they'd sung this song. Could taste the impossible mix of bliss and discomfort he'd felt performing with her in front of his old friends.

_Here we go again  
><em>_back to where we've never been_

He sang the familiar words and half wished (hoped?) they were true. Could this, him being in London, be the start of something? _Not a chance, Quincy. She's getting married._ a voice in his head chastised.

At the end of the song, he caught Jude's eye and guilt flashed across her face. She quickly dropped his gaze.

Jude found herself at a terrifying loss for words, but luckily Nora stepped up onstage and saved her before the audience even noticed. "Wow, Jude. That was such a treat. Thank you too, Tom." They both picked up a hint of irritation at the impromptu program change, and Jude edged away from her boss slightly. "With the release of your album in just a few weeks, Jude, all of us at Bermondsey want to thank you for your wonderful addition to the label. We're lucky to have you. Happy birthday." The audience clapped, but was clearly getting tired of listening to talking. People were discreetly (or not so discreetly) checking their blackberries. Jude blew them a kiss as she always did, waved, and exited the stage, grabbing Tommy's hand and pulling him after her as the band began to play other music.

.

Jude and Tommy danced for the next few songs, holding each other a little too closely.

"We're gonna hear about this in the morning." Jude said in a low voice next to Tommy's ear, eyeing the reporter in the green dress, who was not so subtly following them around the ballroom.

Tommy smiled "What say we give them something to talk about?"

Jude pulled back and looked at him with surprise. He rolled his eyes. "Relax, Harrison. It was a joke." He dipped her back so her head practically touched the ground and then pulled her back up, arm wrapped securely around her the whole time. She squeaked in surprise, laughing. Tommy held her tighter, though he should have let her go. They'd both had a little to drink, and Tommy was drunk from the feeling of Jude in his arms again after so much dreaming about it.

It was wrong.

But it felt right, and Tommy didn't think he could stop if he tried.

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><p>Thank you! And I know I said Wednesdays and Saturdays, but I'll be out of town Wednesday, so it'll be Monday instead this time.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **Here is my early update, since I'll be gone this week, and I don't know if I'll have internet. I'll be back on Friday night in time to update Saturday.

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><p>At a little after midnight, Tommy and Jude left the party. Attendance had dwindled to a handful of drunk Industry people. Even Nora had left a few minutes before.<p>

Jude speed-dialed the limo service (at which Tommy raised one eyebrow, still unused to Jude the superstar) and, escorted by hotel security, left the hotel and ducked behind heavily tinted windows, away from paparazzi.

Once they were in the quiet of the limo, the light flirtatious atmosphere disappeared. It was replaced by an uncomfortable silence that made Jude feel inexplicably guilty.

"How are you, Tommy?" she asked, just to say something. "How have you been?"

Tommy frowned, knitting his eyebrows. "Lets just say... not the best."

"I'm sorry." She whispered. It wasn't enough.

He shrugged. "I'm better now than before. What about you? How has London been treating you?"

She searched his face for anger, but there wasn't any. He raised one corner of his mouth in a sad half-smile. She returned it. "It was hard at first." she replied honestly. "Adjusting to a new country, a new label, living on my own." _Living without you_ "But after the initial shock, it's been amazing. I've really... found myself, you know? It's been great for my career. And I absolutely love London."

"I'm really happy for you, girl." he meant it, he did, but there was one thought that kept getting in the way. It came spilling out before he could stop it. "But I can't believe you're engaged."

She laughed, a little touch of hysteria creeping into the sound. "I know. It's..." She almost revealed the doubts she had about marrying Alexander, but caught herself. "I can't believe you're here. It feels really... surreal."

"No kidding."

"How long are you planning on staying, anyway?"

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I have no idea. I hadn't thought that far ahead. But it's not like there's anywhere else I have to be."

"So, what then? A few days? A week? More?" The idea of letting him go again terrified her.

"I have no idea, Jude." He repeated.

The limo stopped, and the driver said "Miss Harrison, Mr. Quincy, we've arrived at the hotel."

Jude thanked him and turned to Tommy. "Then come and hang out with me tomorrow. I have an interview at 11:00, but after that we can do whatever. Noonish ok?"

Tommy liked the thought of more time with Jude– however uncomfortable that time might be, knowing she was... "Sure. Noon."

"I'll come up to your room?"

"Alright."

"It's a date, then."

"Room 1603. Top floor." He smirked.

She rolled her eyes. "Really, Quincy? Penthouse?"

"You're one to talk, miss limo service on speed dial." he gestured to the luxurious vehicle.

"Touché."

He laughed and shook his head. "Thanks for tonight. I had a really good time. And it's been a long time since I've been able to say that." He put a hand on her shoulder and smiled sadly again.

Jude's heart broke a little at that, and she leaned over to hug him. "Goodnight."

"See you tomorrow." He kissed her on the cheek and got out of the limo.

When he'd shut the door, the limo driver asked, "Where to, Miss Harrison?"

"Home please." She told him the address, and he started to drive.

She played with the engagement ring on her finger, and felt guilty.

"I am an emotional adulteress!" she'd exclaimed to Kat five years ago after overhearing Tommy and Kwest talking about her. Of course, her relationship with Shay had had bigger problems than Tommy, but she found herself wondering, if Shay hadn't cheated, and the sparks between her and Tommy had continued growing the way they had been...

_But I was barely sixteen then._ she reminded herself. _This is now._ She hadn't known, then, what it was like being in a relationship with Tommy. Hadn't truly had her heart broken by him. Hadn't dealt with the full force of the fierce whirlwind of drama they inevitably brought out in one another... When she was a fifteen-year-old Instant Star with a hopeless crush on her producer, she couldn't possibly have anticipated the next four years. She hadn't understood, then. She hadn't left him. And there'd been no Alexander...

The idea of "emotional adultery" wouldn't leave her, though. She hadn't technically done anything out of line tonight. And yet... She bit the inside of her cheek and got out her cell, calling Alexander. He answered on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Hi Alex. Did I wake you?"

"No, I was up. Is the party over?"

"Yeah. I'm coming home right now. You at my place?"

"Yeah. Did you have a good time?"

"It was good, but it would've been a lot better with you there." she lied.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could have come."

"What happened with your parents? What did they say when you told them?"

He hesitated. "Well... They were..."

"disappointed." Jude guessed flatly.

"Not disappointed, just... cautious."

"Which is code for your mother doesn't think I'm good enough for you because I'm a musician." His mother fancied herself a "practical woman," and didn't approve of "little girls with their heads in the clouds."

"She'll come around, Jude."

Jude scoffed. "I'm sure."

"Don't do that." he scolded. "She will." his voice softened. "When she sees how happy you make me, she will." Hearing Alexander profess his love made her feel uncomfortable and guilty again. She pushed the feeling away. "She wants you to come over for tea on Tuesday afternoon." He continued when she didn't reply.

Jude filled with dread. "Oh, babe. I think I have to do this thing for work on Tues–"

"No you don't. Mum actually checked with Nora."

Jude cursed under her breath, then said. "Awesome."

"Jude. Please don't be like that. She's not that bad. And she's my mother."

"I'm sorry."

"We can talk about it later."

"Alright. I'm almost at my apartment. I'll see you in like ten minutes. Love you."

"Love you more."

She hung up and cursed again. There were a lot of good things about Alexander. His family was not one of them.

The first time she'd met his mother, she'd gone for dinner. She and Alex had been dating for a couple of months. She'd met his younger sister Alanna, and they'd gotten along fine, but she hadn't known what to expect from his parents. Alexander seemed extremely nervous, but that wasn't anything new.

His parents' house was part of a row of similar houses lining the street. It was very quaint, and very English. Alexander's mother was slender and blonde, with eyes that were the same shade of green as her son's. Her hair was pulled back into a bun, making her face look thin and severe. She smiled and greeted her son, smoothing his hair with her fingers until he protested like a child.

"Mum," he said when she'd moved one last hair into place, and he'd pushed her hands away. "This is Jude."

The woman's smile turned plastic. "Yes, of course. Nice to meet you, Jude."

"Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Clifton." They shook hands awkwardly.

Alexander's sisters seemed nice. His sister Annabella's husband had been born in Toronto, and they talked about the city a bit, though they didn't have much in common besides that. Alexander's dad, large and muscular with dark hair and a low voice, was the opposite of his thin, blond son.

"Jude, Alexander tells us you're a musician." he said when they were almost finished with dinner.

"Yeah, I'm signed to Bermondsey. That's how I met Alex. I'm a singer-songwriter."

"Are you a rock star?" Alex's five-year-old niece, an adorable blonde girl, asked.

She laughed. "Pretty much, yeah."

The girl's eyes widened. "Cool! Can I be a rock star?"

Jude was about to answer, to tell her that anything was possible, she could do anything she wanted, the way her dad had always told her when she'd asked that question as a child, when Alexander's mother said "It's not a real job, Becca. Eat your food."

Jude was taken aback. "I don't know about that, Mrs. Clifton, I think I've done pretty well for myself."

"For now. You're young. But what happens when you get older, and you discover you've thrown your life away on this music and you have no education? What about your children?"

"Mum!" Alexander protested, shocked.

"It's a valid question, darling." She replied.

"No it's not, it's a personal attack!"

Jude could feel her face turning red. "Mrs. Clifton, with all due respect, I've made enough money to retire right now, and live more than comfortably for rest of my life." She hadn't meant to sound as though she was bragging, but Mr. Clifton raised his eyebrows and said sarcastically "Humble, isn't she?" Jude blushed harder. "I didn't mean for that to sound..."

"What's humble mean?" Rebecca asked. "Does it mean rock star?"

"Becca, shh. Eat." said her mother, stroking her hair.

"I'm sorry." Jude stammered. "I just meant that music _is_ a career. It's something I love, and it works for me."

"And you'll end up like my sister. Thrice divorced, no family but that daughter she treats like any other employee–"

"Mum!" Alexander protested again. "This isn't about Aunt Nora!"

"That life leaves you alone. You need to get your head out of the clouds, Alexander. Quit romanticising it. She'll never be right for you."

Alexander looked as though he'd been slapped.

Jude was shaking. "I think I'd better go. Thank you for dinner."

"Jude, you don't need to leave." Alanna said quietly. Alexander was staring at his mother, his mouth open, expression angry and hurt.

"No. It's fine." Jude said, standing up and taking a few steps out of the room.

Alexander snapped to his senses and looked at her. "Jude, no."

"I'll call you tomorrow or something, Alex. Sorry. Nice to meet you all."

"Why are you leaving? Do you have to go to rock star work?" Rebecca asked.

She turned without answering and practically bolted out of the room, grabbing her jacket. She heard Alexander shout "Look what you've done, Mum! I can't believe you! I really like this girl, alright? Why do you always have to ruin everything that makes me happy?" and heard one of his sisters start to say "Lexi, it's–" before she got out into the cool, damp night and shut the door, resisting the urge to slam it. Belatedly, she realized she'd come in Alexander's car and didn't have the keys. To top it all off, it was starting to rain, drops falling on her head with increasing frequency. She cursed and started to walk down the street, not with much of a plan, just wanting to get as far away from the house as she could.

"Jude! Wait!" She heard Alex's voice come from behind her, and stopped walking, turning to face him. "Hey, come on, don't cry." he said, and she realized in surprise that there were indeed tears trickling down her cheeks, mixing with the occasional raindrops.

"I'm so sorry, Alex. I messed that up."

"No!" he protested. "My mum was way out of line. It wasn't your fault."

"She hates me."

"She doesn't hate you, she..."

"Hates me."

"No." Alexander shook his head and wiped a tear from her cheek, pulling her face towards his and resting his forehead against hers. "It doesn't matter what she thinks of you, Jude. _I_ love you."

She hadn't been expecting him to say that, neither of them had said it before, and it caught her off-guard. She stared, open-mouthed. He pulled back, his face falling. "Oh, God, Jude, I–"

"You love me?" She asked quietly.

He stared at her. "Yeah. I do."

She took a breath. "Wow. Alex, that's... that's sweet... I... wow."

"If... Jude if you're not ready to say it back, you don't have to, ok? I didn't mean to–"

Jude made a decision then. Forget his mother, forget Nora, forget Tommy. It was now or never. "It's fine. I..." she took a deep breath, and dove in. "Yeah. I love you too." The words tasted strange. They were painful to say to someone else, brought memories with them, but they were also sweet, and there was some sort of relief in making a choice to say them. It felt as right as it ever would. She said it again, like testing a muscle, atrophied from being in a cast, bizarrely familiar, yet somehow strange. "I love you."

Alexander was frozen. "Really?"

She smiled. "Really."

He grinned and kissed her in the street outside his parents' house, holding her to him and laughing in relief and happiness. "I love you." She whispered again. She wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his neck, still not sure how this was going to work out, but feeling for the first time that maybe it could.

.

"Ms. Harrison. We're here."

She snapped back to the present. The limo driver let her out. To her relief, there were no fans outside her apartment as there sometimes were when she pulled up in a limousine. She tipped and thanked the driver, greeted the doorman, and went to her apartment, where Alexander greeted her as he always did, smiling sweetly, with a hug and a kiss. He asked about her foot and offered to help her remove the ten thousand pins in her hair. She declined, telling him to go to bed, he looked exhausted, and instead sat in front of her vanity, carefully brushing out the hairsprayed curls, removing her makeup, and thinking about kissing Alexander outside in the rain to help her forget what it had been like to sing with Tommy again.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning, Jude woke at 9:30 to a call from Marcy, one of Bermondsey's publicity people, saying that there'd been a miscommunication about her interview. They were unable to pre-record, so they'd decided to do it live two hours later.

"Marcy, I'm having lunch with a friend today. I can't do one o'clock."

"Then reschedule your lunch, Jude, or else bring your friend along, but we need to get this engagement news out there in an official way before someone snaps a picture of that ring of yours and starts a rumour that you've eloped with Tommy Q from Boyz Attack."

"There's a rumour I've eloped with Tommy?"

"No, there's a rumour you're having an affair with him. If your ring wasn't hidden in that picture, _then_ there'd be a rumour you'd eloped."

Jude sighed. "So I'll just bring my friend to the interview, then."

"I'll let them know." she paused then said suspiciously "Jude... this friend of yours wouldn't happen to be a certain former boyband heartthrob would he? Please say no."

"Tommy's an old friend! I've known him for years!"

"Jude! He's an old _boyfriend._ They're already going crazy over a hug outside a hotel, and you're going to give them this too?" She made a noise of exasperation. "You know what? We're adding this to the interview. I don't care what's going on between you and Quincy, you're going to swear it's nothing."

"It _is_ nothing! You can't bring Tommy into this!"

"I can do whatever I need" Marcy snapped "to stop this from becoming a publicity issue that could affect your album sales."

"Fine. But the interview is just with me. You don't get to put Tom on air."

"Done. See you at 1:00."

"1:00" Jude repeated, and hung up.

"Jude?" Alexander said groggily from beside her. "What was that about?"

"They're moving my interview to later and making it live instead of taped."

"This is the interview to tell about the engagement? The one I wasn't invited to?" he added a little bitterly.

"Yeah, that's the one. And you know how they are about you and TV interviews." Alexander had blown a string of interviews a few months into their relationship– stammering and misunderstanding questions, mostly– and the press had a field day reporting that Jude Harrison's boyfriend was everything from "mentally challenged" to a junkie to just a complete idiot. Nora had told Jude she either needed to ditch him, or tell everyone he was camera-shy and handle all television interviews pertaining to their relationship by herself from that point on.

"Yeah, yeah." Alexander was saying. "But I thought you preferred live interviews. You said it gives you more control over how you come off because they can't take your words out of context."

"That's more for radio, but yeah. It's not that, really."

"Is there some reason you can't do it later?"

Jude hesitated. "I was going to have lunch with Tommy, but that's not it either. It's not a big deal, forget about it."

"You're having lunch with Tommy?" Alexander asked quietly.

"Yeah." Jude responded off-handedly. She noticed Alexander's expression and rolled her eyes. "Lunch with a friend, Alex. You don't react like this when Jamie visits. I used to date him too, you know. And Speid and I play shows together whenever he's here, spend hours rehearsing, and you're okay with that too. I may have dated them, but they're just my friends. Tommy's my friend." She sighed. "They're making him one of the topics of the interview. They want a scoop on that picture from my birthday. That's what's irritating."

Alexander choked a little. "But you said it was nothing."

"Exactly. And that's what I'll tell them. It's just a hassle. They're going to try to get me to say something's up, and that's annoying. But it's not a big deal. Calm down."

"I am calm." Alex insisted, annoyed. They were silent for a minute.

She glanced sideways at him and said. "I'm sorry babe. I get the jealousy. I do. Tommy's... intense. We were always intense. I can see how you could misinterpret that. I just want you to trust me, ok? We're getting married for a reason."

"You didn't give me an answer right away for a reason." Alexander shot back, uncharacteristically confrontational.

Jude was taken aback. "I– You thought that was because of Tommy? Alex, I hadn't seen him in over a year."

"Are you going to tell me you hadn't thought about him in as long?"

"Well of course not. We'd only been broken up for like, three months when you and I started dating, but that doesn't mean that he was the reason..."

"Then what _was_ the reason?"

Jude closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "It's not easy for me, Alex. I've been hurt a lot. My first boyfriend cheated on me, my dad cheated on my mom, Tommy may or may not have cheated on my sister, and when he dated me, Tommy... Tommy left. Over and over again. He hurt me a lot, ok? I did love him, but he was never quite open with me, and I never knew if he was going to stick around this time, or if he was going to keep running away. That's not easy to just get over." Tears stung her eyes and she wiped them angrily away with the back of her hand. "I hesitated because I'm afraid of being hurt again, or of hurting you, or of this not working out, or something. I don't know. It's hard."

Alexander melted at her admission, and at her tears. Jude wasn't sure if what she'd said was precisely true. Tommy _had_ hurt her, and so had Shay and her dad, for that matter. But when Alexander had asked her to marry him, the thoughts going through her head weren't of Eden, or of Yvette, or even of Tommy telling her to pretend he'd never kissed her, or kissing her sister, or telling her she was poison. They were of that look Tommy always gave her, of his arms around her at the lake as he taught her to make the guitar sing, of the look on his face when she told him she wanted to go to Thailand, of his hands, gentle, on her skin, of his proposal, of his face when she left, of his voice on the phone. It was as if... as if she'd been worried about somehow writing over those memories, betraying them. She'd wondered how she could possibly make new ones that could compare. She _was_ worried about this ending badly, and deeper than that, of it never feeling what she felt with Tommy, but maybe she was equally afraid of it _not _ending.

"I'll never hurt you, Jude." Alex said, hugging her tightly and stroking her hair. "I promise."

"I believe you." she said. "Just be patient with me."

There was one more memory there that wouldn't leave. It was of hurting poor Jamie. Of loving him, but of it never being enough. Of admitting to herself that it was always going to be Tommy, no matter how much safer it would've been to choose her best friend.

.

She called Tommy as Alex was leaving to tell him about the interview changing times.

"Hey, girl." he answered on the third ring, sounding sleepy "You're up early."

"It's like 10:30, Tommy."

"That's early! I thought you weren't coming until noon."

"That's why I'm calling, the interview was–" Alexander came up behind her and took the phone from her ear.

"Sorry mate" Alex said into the phone "Give us a minute. She'll call you back." he hung up as Tommy was saying "What?" Jude turned and frowned at him. "What was that for?"

"So I could do this." he said, and gave her a long kiss. "I figured it would've been rude to do it in the middle of your call."

"It was rude to hang up on him." She hit him on the shoulder, but smiled. She picked up the phone and hit redial. Alexander kissed her again and she pulled away, laughing. "Stop it!" Tommy answered as Alex kissed her one more time. "Hello? Jude?" Jude put the phone back up to her ear and said "Sorry about that, Tommy, he–" Alex tried to kiss her again, but she ducked out of his way and laughed, saying "Seriously, Alex, stop it! Get out of here already!" Alex pouted and Jude kissed him on the cheek, pushing him towards the door. "Sorry, Tommy. Alex was being an idiot." She stuck her tongue out at her fiancé and he feigned hurt, placing a hand over his heart. She pointed and mouthed "go!" and he tilted his head and smiled, saying "Fine." She returned his look and mouthed "I love you."

"Love you more." he said like he always did. Tommy was irritated, saying "Whatever, Jude. You're both crazy. Why did you call in the first place?" Alexander shut the door and Jude said "They changed the time of the interview to 1:00. It's live instead of pre-recorded."

"So you're not coming until later?"

"Or they said you could come and they'd promise not to put you on air."

Tommy scoffed "I've heard that one before."

"Maybe, but you've been out of the tabloids for a while, right? At least the London ones."

"I _was_ flying under the radar, it's true, until _yesterday_."

"Well, there's that. But something tells me they'll have enough questions for _me_ about it without needing to ask you."

"Is that why you're having an interview?"

"No, they tacked that part on this morning. But Nora wants me to announce it in 'an official way.'"

"Announce what? That I'm in London?"

"No, Mr. Ego. That Alex and I... you know."

"This fame's given you an ego of your own, Harrison. Leave mine alone." Tommy managed, altogether avoiding the topic of the engagement.

"Are you coming to the interview, then?" Jude asked. "We can get coffee first or whatever."

"Fine, but promise I won't be on the air, and that you'll try not to run off and injure yourself this time?"

"Scout's honor." She said dryly, and he laughed. "See you at noon then."

... ... ... ... ... ...

Tommy threw a bit of a tantrum when she told him to ride on the back of her motorcycle. "No _way_ Harrison!"

"What? It's a nice bike!"

"A nice bike that I'm not riding on the back of."

"Is this an ego thing? 'Little Tommy Q doesn't ride on the back of anyone's motorcycle?'"

"I'd be happy to drive it, Harrison" He grinned.

"Get your own! Besides, you think you know this city as well as I do?"

"You've lived here a year, Harrison. You're hardly an expert. I've spent quite a bit of time here, for your information."

"God, whatever. We'll take a cab. You're such a _baby,_ Quincy."

He smirked. "But I get what I want."

She rolled her eyes as they walked to the front of the hotel to hail a cab and muttered "Not everything."

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "No. Not everything."

... ... ... ... ... ...

"With us today we have a very _very_ special guest, the lovely Jude Harrison!"

Jude grinned at the woman interviewing her. "Hi Nicole."

"We're so excited to have you here today, Jude."

"I'm excited to be here." Her smile felt fake, but didn't look it.

"Isn't she a treat?" Nicole smiled at the camera. The studio audience applauded obediently. "So Jude," she continued when the applause had died down "You just turned twenty-one years old, your fifth album is coming out in a few weeks, your life is pretty exciting these days!"

Jude laughed. "No kidding."

"But from what I hear, that's not even the half of it!"

_Here it comes... _Jude thought, her chest tightening in anticipation.

"A little birdie told me something pretty exciting happened to you recently. Want to tell everybody?"

Jude took a deep breath. Once she said this on air, there was no going back without gigantic press. "My boyfriend Alexander proposed a few days ago."

Nicole gasped as if she hadn't been expecting it. "And...?"

Jude laughed. "And I said yes, obviously."

She gushed and asked how he proposed, and Jude mixed fact with fiction in a story of rose petals and candlelight dinner and of kneeling and a velvet box with his grandmother's ring. It was a story where she said yes right away without having to think. Nicole asked if she'd suspected he was going to ask, she lied and said not exactly, but that she'd known something was up. In this way, she created a world for herself where she'd known Alex was who she wanted, and where it hadn't come as a sudden, sickening surprise when he'd thrown this commitment at her.

There was a commercial break and the makeup people came out to do touch-ups. Tommy was off-set, and she caught his eye and smiled.

Too soon, they were back on the air.

"Jude, you know I hate asking this, because I know how happy you and Alexander are, but I have to know. You must have seen the gossip yesterday, something about a certain ex-boyfriend of yours, here in London?"

"Tommy? Yeah, he's here in London for a while."

"There's a picture there, Jude, of you and Tommy. You look pretty cozy. Would you tell us what that's all about?"

Jude laughed, as if it was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. "It's nothing like that. We're friends. Nothing more. It's been a while since I've seen him, we hugged, end of story.

"Come on, Jude. I think we all understand what it's like, seeing an old flame. It can be... complicated." She leaned forward, giving a false sense of intimacy, as if she was a girlfriend at a sleepover, rather than a stranger doing an interview in front of millions of people. "Feelings are complicated."

Jude laughed again. "There's nothing complicated about it, Nicole. We're friends. We dated a long time ago, and it didn't work out. End of story. I don't feel that way about him, and he doesn't feel that way about me. I have Alex, and I'm perfectly happy."

Tommy frowned and tried to shake off the pain her nonchalant dismissal of their relationship caused him.

There were more questions about music, about the new album, and then they were out of time. When the cameras turned off, both women's smiles dropped from their faces, and Jude sighed in relief as they removed her mic.

"It's not complicated, eh?" Tommy whispered to her as she walked off the set to go wash off the thick layer of powdery makeup. "Not even a little?"

"No." She sighed without turning "Why would it be?"

"Right." Tommy said. "Sure, Harrison."


	10. Chapter 10

Over lunch they caught up, and upon realizing how much she still didn't know, despite spending hours with him the night before and that morning, it hit Jude how long it had been since they'd been able to communicate without speaking, since he'd known her like the back of his hand, since they'd fit together like puzzle pieces. She tried not to think about the way things used to be, but little things like the way he held his fork, or his habit of swirling the water in his glass and making the ice clink against the side, not to mention the way he kept _looking_ at her, with those blue, blue eyes that had never really left her when she'd left Toronto, kept dredging up memories that were both sweet and painful.

"Have you seen NBR's new building?" Jude asked, mainly just to break the silence. "Jamie sent me pictures, but I haven't actually been back to see it. It looks really nice."

"Yeah, it is. Jamie offered me a job, actually, after I left G Major."

"Really? He never told me that."

Tommy shrugged.

"You didn't take it, though."

He shook his head. "I left Toronto that week and haven't gone back."

She wanted to ask why, but his frown told her pretty clearly he didn't want to talk about it. "But Jamie's good?"

"Last I heard. He and that Zeppelin girl are sweet. It's..." He made a face. "But you've probably talked to him since I have, Jude. How's your family? How's Stuart?"

Jude smiled. "He's good. He met a woman– Mathilde– in Paris, and they moved in together last year. I've only met her a few times, but she's really nice. He's happy. Mum and Don are living in New York, but we don't really talk. And you know how Sadie's been doing, traveling around the world with Darius. How is Kwest? Jamie told me he's producing at NBR now."

"He took the break up with Sadie pretty hard. The whole Darius thing..." Tommy laughed darkly. "We spent a lot of nights trying to drink ourselves into oblivion, right after." Jude winced. "But he started writing letters to Portia, of all people, and it helped him a lot. Her too, probably. Jamie giving him the job helped too. He and Sadie are even civil now. You know, he's Kwest. He's a good guy. He's renting my loft. He dated some. He bounced back."

"Did you?" She asked.

"Did I what?"

"Bounce back. Date."

He looked at her for a long time, deciding whether to lie to make her feel better. Instead he ignored the first question and answered the second. "There were women."

"Anything... serious?" Jude tried to make the question sound casual, as though she didn't really care, but the tension came out in her voice.

Tommy looked down at his plate. "Serious has never been my forte." He muttered.

"Tommy..." She sighed sympathetically.

He shook his head and changed the subject, looking back up at her. "Have you heard from Spiederman since he and Karma split the last time?"

Jude rolled her eyes. "They're back together. Kyle and Wally threatened to hold an exorcism. It's like he's addicted, I swear to God. He and I played a show here a few months back, and she'd call him every five minutes to scream about something."

Tommy shook his head, but didn't say anything, contemplating the phrase "like he's addicted." He'd had people tell him that, too. That he and Jude were like addicts, repeatedly being sucked back into something that was nothing but bad for them. They weren't wrong. Jude had been _so_ young when they'd met, he treated her badly, they were dramatic, he tried in vain to keep her from knowing his past, and she somehow always managed to be the one that could get under his skin the fastest. No one would have called their relationship perfect. But it wasn't _addiction_, didn't feel like addiction, didn't feel destructive, at least not for him. Jude made him _better._ She'd changed him more than she knew from Little Tommy Q who had been high on fame, living in the tabloids, with a different model every night, and from Tom Dutois who had punched people for insulting him, who lived in fear of being weak. She'd broken down walls he'd spent years building. She _was_ good for him. Whether he was good for her was a different story. Alexander was probably better for her, though that thought burned like acid. And if she wasn't better off without him, she wouldn't have left him. Right?

"Are you okay?" Jude asked.

"What? Yeah. Just thinking."

"About what?"

"Nothing."

Years of this response had taught Jude to suck it up and accept that Tommy would always be a private person, and leaving had taken any justification she had for wanting to be the exception to that. She stared at him for a moment, but nodded. Her phone vibrated in her pocket. "Just a sec. Nora said she might text."

It was Alexander, she recognized before seeing the name, who was the only one she knew who texted in complete and capitalized sentences. "How did the interview go?"

"ok" she responded, and received his reply shockingly quickly for its length.

"Did they ask about you and Quincy? Am I going to hear the bad news from the tabloids?"

"i said its nothing. its nothing. lay off" She rolled her eyes and put her phone back in her purse.

"Nora?" Tommy asked.

"Alexander." She replied.

"He's being weird about my being here, isn't he?" Tommy guessed.

"Sort of, I guess." She sighed. "Wouldn't you be?"

Tommy shrugged. "Maybe. But I wouldn't harass you every five minutes about it..." He raised his eyebrows, recalling her comment about Karma.

She couldn't decide whether to be amused or defensive, but her phone went off again and she grabbed it. Alex replied "That was a joke, Jude. No need to be upset. Sorry about that."

"hard to tell in text :P sry"

When she looked up from the phone, Tommy said "Tell me about Alexander."

Jude looked surprised. It was the last thing she expected him to ask. "What about him?"

Tommy shrugged. "Whatever."

"You really want to know?"

"Sure." Tommy just wanted something to humanize the man, to prove that Alexander was better for Jude than Tommy himself was, as if that would allow him closure, let him move on and stop this helpless hopeless wishing.

"I... don't really know what to tell you. He's a good person. He's sweet, but that can get... clingy. He's sort of like Jamie, I guess, in a lot of ways. He's smart, and he's kind... He puts his heart into everything he does. He cooks, too, which is good because I burn water." She smiled in spite of herself. "He has this really bizarre sort of nerdy sense of humor that I think I only get about half the time. I guess we're very... different. But it's a good different. Or_ I _think it is. His parents hate everything about me." She shook her head.

"Are you happy?" Tommy asked, looking down at his hands with a frown.

Jude couldn't answer the question as easily as she would have thought. "He... he really loves me, and I never have to question that." She said quietly. "I love him. Yes. I'm happy."

Tommy squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, then looked up and said "Good."

Jude's phone vibrated again. It was Alex, calling this time. She was tempted to ignore it, but Tommy nodded at her to answer it, and got out his own phone, checking his e-mail. "Hey. What's up?" she said into the phone.

"I just missed you. Wanted to talk."

"Oh."

"Did I interrupt your lunch?"

"Um... yeah..."

"Are you having a good time?"

"Sure."

"I was wondering if I could come find you for dinner."

"Both of us?" Tommy was politely pretending not to listen, but was focusing a little too intently on his cell phone screen.

"Sure. I could bring Emily. Unless you don't want to..." She could _hear_ him pouting through the phone.

"I'll ask him." she gave in, feeling guilty.

"Great!" Alex said brightly. "I have to go, but I'll call later okay?"

"Alright."

"I love you."

"Yep." Jude was hyperaware of Tommy, whose eyes were on her now.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. I'll talk to you later."

She hung up, and Tommy asked "Ask me what?"

"Um... If Alex could, uh, join us for dinner. I think he's bringing Emily too."

He surprised her by shrugging. "If he wants, sure."

"Really?"

Tommy nodded, out of something that may have been masochism, or maybe just a desire to prove that Jude was better off this way. Hell, maybe he just wanted to make her feel weird, make her admit things were complicated between them.

She hesitated, then said "If you're sure..." and texted Alexander, who responded exuberantly. She said. "Thanks for that."

"Hm? Oh, sure."

Tommy was staring at his almost empty plate, and Jude felt suddenly stifled, like she was suffocating on the past and on his unhappiness. She needed to escape this gloom and guilt. "Can we get out of here?" She asked. Tommy nodded, and Jude flagged down a waitress. "I have somewhere I'd like to show you."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** The song in this chapter is the amazing, but massively overplayed "Someone Like You" by Adele, which I clearly do not own.

* * *

><p>They took a cab to a store in Westminster. The sign above it declared it to be "NoteWorthy".<p>

"What is this place?" Tommy asked.

"Only the best music store in all of London." Jude said, smiling. "Spied and I found it a while back."

"And it's open on a Sunday?" Tommy asked.

"Technically not for a half an hour. But for me it is." She grinned and pushed a button on an intercom. "Jack?" She said into the microphone. "It's Jude. Are you here?"

A white-haired man of about 60 came out of a back room and unlocked the door, exclaiming "Well if it en't Miss Harrison! It's been ages, my girl! I thought you'd gone and forgotten about me. Who's that bloke? Where's Vincent and The Manager?" He put an arm around Jude as they walked into the shop.

"I haven't forgotten you! Just been busy. Spied's back with Karma, and she's on tour right now, so who knows when he'll be back in London, and Jamie has a record label to run in Toronto. This bloke is my friend Tommy. Tom, this is Jack. He owns this place."

"Tom Quincy, am I right?" Jack asked, shaking Tommy's hand.

"That's me. This is a great place you've got here."

"Thank you. It's my life's work." He turned back to Jude. "How you been? That boyfriend of yours bein' good to you?"

Jude laughed. "I'm good. And of course he has, but I think you mean 'that fiancé of mine'."

"No! Jude Harrison getting hitched? I don't believe it."

"Believe it." She said, showing him the ring.

"Well congratulations, then." As he hugged her, the shop phone rang. "I'll get that. I don't suppose you're here to actually _buy_ anything. Just to play that game of yours?" He asked as he walked back to the phone.

"Well, I could use some new D strings, if that would make you feel better. I could make Tommy buy something too."

"Silly girl. I know why you come here. I'll pick a letter soon as I finish up with the real customers." He answered the phone.

"Game? Letter?" Tommy asked quizzically.

"It's something Spied and I made up."

"You and Spiederman hang out here a lot?"

"Whenever he's in London, which is pretty much every time he and Karma break up, so, yeah. All the time." She sat down on the edge of the little stage, and Tommy sat beside her. "The first time was like a month after I moved. Karma had just moved out for the first time, and he was taking it _really_ hard. He said he needed to get away, so Jamie got him a bunch of gigs here, and a couple of them were with me. But when he got here he found out that the airline seriously fucked up his guitar. Not like it was out of tune or it broke strings, or even that it had a loose tuning peg or something. I'm talking the fretboard was actually _broken off."_

Tommy gasped. "Oh my God! Seriously?"

"I know! I don't even know how in the hell they managed that! Spied freaked out, obviously. I mean, I would die. But the thing was, we had a gig the next night. There was _no way_ he could get that kind of damage fixed in two days, and it wasn't enough time to ship one of his other guitars here either. Nora offered him four different guitars, and I even offered him one of mine, but by that time he was throwing a huge fit and refusing to play any guitar other than his. He ended up refusing to talk to anyone but me and Jamie, who was here as his manager, and in full manager mode– which is why Jack just calls him The Manager, since that's how he introduced himself– and so the three of us spent literally five hours looking in vintage guitar stores all over London for a 1952 Gibson Les Paul Goldtop."

"_That's_ the guitar they broke? Spiederman had a _vintage_ Gibson Les Paul, _brought it on an airplane_, and they _broke it_?"

"He said he didn't want to ship it because he was afraid it wouldn't be here in time, and that's the guitar Karma gave him on their anniversary, so it had to be that one, you know? But anyway, there were a bunch of stores that said they could get it, or that they knew of a collector who might have one, but no one had it in-store. We had almost convinced Spied to use a different guitar when we came here. It turns out that, even though Jack didn't have one on sale, he had one that was his own. He said he was a fan, and offered to lend Spied the guitar as long as we'd agree to perform a little concert here before Spied left again in two weeks, and I gave him one of my guitars as collateral. So when neither of us were working, we'd come here and hang out and rehearse our songs for whoever was in the shop. Jack didn't mind because it brought in a lot of customers, and it sort of became a tradition. We even recorded the bonus track for my last album here."

"You still haven't explained the game."

"Well, once when we were in here, after we'd finished working the songs we actually had to practice, somehow we ended up going through Jack's stock of sheet music and just trying to learn random songs. Eventually that evolved into a game. Basically, Jack picks a letter, and we each choose a song starting with that letter, and have 20 minutes to prepare it. Then we perform them, and Jack picks winner."

"And you can use any instruments in the store?"

"The vintage guitars in the showroom are off-limits, so's anything locked in a case, but other than that, as long as it's just you playing, yeah. You can use electronic loops or drums on the synthesizer, too, or record vocal loops and play them back, as long as you're playing something live too."

"Twenty minutes, you said?"

"Yep."

"With sheet music?"

"Mmhmm."

"Oh, you are _on_, Harrison."

"Okay, but be forewarned, I am _the master_ of this game. I beat Spied about two-thirds of the time."

"I'd say no more than half." Jack said, having hung up the phone.

"Whatever."

"And in honor of Mr. Spiederman, we'll be using the letter S today. Jude, you've got twenty minutes out here, Tom, use the back room, right through that door. There's another stage back there, and the set up is almost the same, so don't worry about that. Usual rules apply. I'll open the shop when your time's up, so you can get a bit of an audience."

"Oh!" Jude added "And, for obvious reasons, we're never allowed to play any of our own songs. Which means none of my G-major songs, given that you basically wrote them, not to mention that you've played them a thousand times. And I guess no Boyz Attack, either."

"Right, because I was planning to do Pick Up the Pieces."

"Spied actually did that once. Be glad you wren't here to see it."

.

Jude chose Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond, managing to rig the synthesizer to play the three brass notes in the chorus from a remote that she could press with her foot, while still playing the guitar. The rest of her twenty minutes she spent mastering the considerably difficult guitar part. "You are going _down_, Quincy." She said after time was up.

"We'll see about that, Harrison."

Just as she'd planned, Jude _rocked_ Sweet Caroline. She could see that her audience was impressed with the remote trick, and despite messing up the guitar in a couple places, she felt good about it.

Tommy had tried to look uninterested to start. This _was_ a competition, after all. But by the chorus he was grinning, and he applauded when she was finished. "You just want to forfeit now, Tom?" Jude teased.

He reached up a hand to help her down, shaking his head. "You're good, Harrison, but I'm better. Now get off my stage!" She jumped off, and Tommy set up the mic in front of the piano so that he could sing and play at the same time, clearing his throat and saying "Alright, well, I guess you could say this song sums up a lot of things for me right now. Here's 'Someone Like You' by Adele." He took a deep breath and started to play.

_I heard that you're settled down  
><em>_That you found a guy  
><em>_And you're married now  
><em>_I heard that your dreams came true  
><em>_Guess he gave you things  
><em>_I didn't give to you_

Jude froze. He wasn't looking at her; he was reading the music, but she could tell instantly that the song was directed at her.

_I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited  
><em>_But I couldn't stay away  
><em>_I couldn't fight it  
><em>_I'd hoped you'd see my face  
><em>_And that you'd be reminded  
><em>_That for me  
><em>_It isn't over_

Tommy hadn't been able to resist the song when he'd seen it on the shelf. He knew he should probably let the subject go, stop bringing it up. He knew he was hurting her, reminding her that he'd been so hurt when she left, that for him it wasn't over. Jude had moved on, and even if he hadn't, it wasn't fair to torture her.

_Nevermind, I'll find someone like you  
><em>_I wish nothing but the best for you, too  
><em>_Don't forget me, I beg,  
><em>_I remember you said  
><em>_Sometimes it lasts in love,  
><em>_But sometimes it hurts instead  
><em>_Sometimes it lasts in love,  
><em>_But sometimes it hurts instead_

In some ways, though, the song was about moving on. He didn't know if he could, didn't think he really wanted to, but something about saying "I'll find someone like you" felt good. Like maybe she wouldn't always be on his mind. Like maybe he could feel about someone else the way he felt about her. Someday. He didn't really believe it, but he could pretend he did.

_You know how the time flies  
><em>_Only yesterday was the time of our lives  
><em>_We were born and raised in a summer haze  
><em>_Bound by the surprise of our glory days_

But Tommy had never been happier than back then, in those brief snatches of a summer spent playing guitar together in the woods before he'd had to go and ruin it in New Brunswick. Quiet moments, he remembered Jude calling them. When she was his and he was hers.

_I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited  
><em>_But I couldn't stay away  
><em>_I couldn't fight it  
><em>_I had hoped you'd see my face  
><em>_And that you'd be reminded  
><em>_That for me  
><em>_It isn't over_

Jude's heart was pounding in her ears. She almost wanted to be angry with him, for the words "it isn't over." It wasn't fair to keep reminding her of how she'd hurt him. Really though, she was just mad at herself for not being over it either, and because she had to keep pretending she was.

_Nothing compares,  
><em>_No worries or cares,  
><em>_Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,  
><em>_Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?_

He wasn't trying to get her back, to steal her from her fiancé. He wasn't. Maybe getting back together had been his original goal in coming to London, but it wasn't anymore. He wasn't going to be that guy. He just wanted to be with her again, as friends, as musicians, as _something_. Hadn't they been friends before they'd been lovers? Okay, maybe not _before_, seeing as she'd kissed him only a few days after they'd met, and he remembered having to fight his attraction to her nearly from the start, despite her age. But somewhere in between their ultimately ill-fated bouts of romance, they'd been friends. Hadn't they?

_Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,  
><em>_I wish nothing but the best for you,  
><em>_Don't forget me, I beg,  
><em>_I remember you said,  
><em>_"Sometimes it lasts in love,  
><em>_But sometimes it hurts instead,"_

_Just don't forget me. _He'd wanted to text her that so many times. He'd wanted to call her and scream it at her, to make sure that she still thought of him, even if only briefly, while he couldn't get her out of his head no matter what he tried.

_Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,  
><em>_I wish nothing but the best for you, too,  
><em>_Don't forget me, I beg,  
><em>_I remember you said,  
><em>_"Sometimes it lasts in love,  
><em>_But sometimes it hurts instead,"_

Even though in the end she'd broken his heart, he wouldn't have traded loving her for the world.

_Sometimes it lasts in love  
><em>_But sometimes it hurts instead._

He finished playing, looked at Jude, who was staring at him like a deer in headlights, and smiled at her. The smile still looked a little sad, but it was a real smile, not like the hurt half-smiles he'd been giving her for the last two days whenever one of them brought up anything to do with their relationship. She took a deep breath, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over. Everyone in the shop had been watching, and they'd gathered a small crowd from the street, and they burst into enthusiastic applause, especially, Jude noticed with some amusement, the women. Tom stood and bowed. She didn't think she could handle the emotion right now, so she ignored it, putting on a teasing tone. "Tommy Q. All that bad boy hiding the sensitive emotional guy underneath." Jude grinned, shaking her head.

"Gets them every time." Tommy smirked. Jude climbed up onstage and ruffled Tommy's hair playfully. He pushed her hands away and said. "So now the part where I win?"

"Ha, as if." Jude said "Jack?"

"Two points to Jude for difficulty. The thing with the remote was clever, and that guitar part isn't easy." Jack said thoughtfully. "But one point to Tom for being true to the original, and another for emotion."

"Since when is this a point system?" Jude asked.

"Since now."

"And I had plenty of emotion! Just because I didn't get all sappy like he did."

"Hey!" Tommy objected. "Mine was a ballad, yours wasn't! And I'll have you know that that piano part isn't as easy as it sounds!"

"_Fine. _Enough bickering." Jack said. "Forget the points. Jude wins."

"Ha!" Jude shouted as Tommy said "What? No way!"

"Don't be a sore loser, Tom. Just admit that I'm more talented than you."

"Oh, please. Don't you think we should ask the audience, or something?" He asked.

"What?" She laughed. "You mean the swooning girls?"

"Hey, now. Don't diss the swooning girls. You were one of those swooning girls once."

She made a face. "No, see now I think you're confusing me with Sadie."

Tommy lowered his voice, putting his face dangerously close to hers and smouldering at her from under his eyelashes. "You don't think I could make you swoon?"

Jude pretended to faint, placing the back of her hand on her forehead and sighing dramatically, collapsing backwards.

Tommy caught her and grinned, setting her back on her feet. "See? Clear winner, right here."

"But _you're_ not the judge. Jack is. And tradition says that the winner, which is me, gets to play whatever guitar she wants. And I'm thinking... Lennon's Rickenbacker 325." Jack nodded and went to grab it.

Tommy's eyes widened. "That can't be Lennon's actual guitar."

"No." Jack admitted. "I'm good, but not that good. Yoko Ono's still got that one. But this" he said, taking it out of a locked case "is from the same production run. They're nearly identical."

"Now this I might swoon over." Jude said as the store owner handed her the guitar. "Actually, I think Jamie almost did."

"Andrews would. How does it play?"

.

Tommy and Jude continued to geek out over instruments for the rest of the afternoon. At one point, an exceptionally talented 16-year-old kid named Finn had come up and asked if he could play something with them. This had led to a truly impressive, if bizarre, arrangement of Anyone But You ("Vintage Harrison!" Tommy had laughed when the boy suggested it) with piano, guitar, and violin. Before he left, they'd both autographed Finn's violin case with silver sharpie, and Jack had taken a picture of the three of them to hang up in the store.

It was the most fun Jude had had in a very long time, and she was almost disappointed when, at five o'clock, her phone rang. Tommy was playing an accordion– badly– when Alexander called.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jude."

"Hey babe."

"How the hell do people play these?" Tommy exclaimed from behind her.

"What was that? What's that noise?" Alex asked.

"That's just Tommy. He's trying to play the accordion. And he's failing!" she turned and shouted the last part over her shoulder at Tommy, who responded by playing a random and completely dissonant cluster of notes.

"Oi! Have a little respect for our ears, would you, Quincy?" Jack called from behind the counter. Jude laughed.

"What are you doing? Where did you get an accordion?" Alexander asked.

"Nothing." Jude responded. "We were just playing some music. Where are you?"

"Just about to leave. Where can I meet you? Do you want me to pick you up?"

"Nah. Just go back to my place. We're a little closer than you are, but in the other direction. We'll meet you there."

"Okay. Did you have fun?"

Jude looked back at Tommy, painstakingly picking out Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the keyboard side of the accordion, and grinned. "It was brilliant. I'll see you in like, 20 minutes, okay?

"At your flat?"

"Mmhmm."

"I'm glad you had a good day, love."

"Me too. I love you."

For some reason she said it more sweetly, with more emotion than usual, more like the way he always did, and Alex was pleasantly surprised. Maybe this Quincy thing wasn't so bad, if all it did was make her happy. "I love you more."

"Bye." She hung up and turned back to Tommy. "Put that thing down! You're hurting my ears!"

"Mine too." Tommy agreed, and took the accordion back to Jack.

"You leaving, Jude?" Jack asked.

"Yeah. Meeting Alexander for dinner."

"I still can't believe you're getting married. I expect an invitation to the wedding."

"Of course." Jude laughed.

"And as soon as that Karma leaves Vincent again, I want to see you both in here. The Manager too. You can bring this one again, as long as you make him swear not to play my accordion."

"Hey! All I'm trying to do is expand my musical horizons." Tommy said.

"Expand your musical horizons somewhere we don't have to listen to it." He put out a hand, and Tommy shook it. "In all seriousness" Jack said "It was a pleasure meeting you."

"You too."

"You" Jack said, pointing at Jude. "be good, but–"

"Not too good." Jude finished. "Got it. See you later." She hugged the older man, then put her arm through Tommy's.

"Has Alexander ever been here?" Tommy asked as they walked out onto the street.

"Nah. Like I said, he's not exactly a musician."

"Neither is Andrews."

"Well, sure, but he's The Manager!" Jude said. "I don't know. I think that because it started out as a place where I went with Spied to be disillusioned about love, it would feel weird to bring Alex, you know?"

"Well thanks for sharing it with me." He smiled, leaning his head down to hers so their foreheads and noses touched, very briefly. "It means a lot."

* * *

><p>This update is a day early, and there will be another one on Monday, but then there won't be another one until probably the next Monday, since I will be on a choir trip. (So much for a schedule. Bahaha my life is crazy right now.)<br>It's been a while since I've asked for reviews. But they would be nice.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** Updating as I get on a plane. Like a boss.  
>I'll be back on Sunday afternoon, so I'll post chapter 13 by Monday morning.<p>

* * *

><p>When Tommy and Jude got to Jude's apartment, Alexander wasn't there yet. "Want anything?" Jude asked, walking into the kitchen. "Coffee? Tea?"<p>

"Just water would be good, thanks."

"Sure thing."

"This is a nice place." He said as she handed him a glass of ice water.

"Mm! Let me give you the grand tour." She grabbed his hand. "The foyer or whatever you saw when you walked in. This is the kitchen, obviously. Boring." Tommy laughed. "What?" Jude asked. "I don't cook! This room you were in yesterday." She said, leading him into the living room. "and _these_ are my pictures. When she sold the house, Sadie sent me this whole box of pictures to sort through. I couldn't bear to throw most of them away, so I decided to make a photo wall. They're in vague chronological order. Left to right." She gestured to a wall covered in framed photographs.

"Is that you and Sadie?" Tommy laughed, looking at a picture of a three-year-old Jude and six-year-old Sadie asleep in their parents' bed, holding hands.

Jude nodded. "Look at that one." She pointed at a picture of her and a skinny boy with glasses that Tommy knew instantly had to be Jamie. They were sitting high up in a tree. Jude was beaming, smiling a full gap-toothed smile, and Jamie looked terrified, clinging to the tree trunk for dear life.

Tommy laughed, but his attention was drawn to another picture. It was a group photo of people from G Major, hung between a shot of Darius and Georgia at Jude's first album release, and a photo of Jude and SME playing at the rehearsal space. Tommy vaguely remembered having posed for the picture. It had been just after Jude's 17th birthday, and Darius had decided he wanted a photo of the G Major team. There was still one hanging up in D's office, as far as he knew, but this one was slightly different. It must have been one of the shots Darius had rejected. Though the majority of the photo was nicely posed, some sort of chaos was going on on the far left. From the looks of it, Kyle and Wally had stolen Mason's cowboy hat, and he had been caught in the middle of yelling at them to give it back. Jude and Speid had their fingers up behind each other's heads, and Jude was laughing. Tommy himself was standing a few feet away and looking at Jude with his arms crossed.

Jude saw where he was looking and said "Sometimes you're so 17."

"What?"

"In my head, that's what I call that picture. Look at your face. Don't tell me that's not what you were thinking. You and your endless maturity."

Tommy shook his head. _I was trying to rationalize how I could possibly be jealous of that. _He recalled. "I don't remember. Probably. You and Speiderman made a ridiculous couple."

"Whatever. We had fun." She saw him focus on the photos of her and Alexander. "Come on." She touched him on the shoulder and gestured for him to follow.

"Bedroom." She said, naming rooms as she passed them. "Bathroom. Spare room, I guess. Alex uses it as an office."

"Does he..." Tommy began. "Do you... live together?"

Jude shifted uncomfortably. "It's kind of complicated. He has his own place, but... yeah, kind of."

It shouldn't have made him upset. He already knew they were engaged, that they were getting married, why should it make it worse that they lived together? But the echo of the phrase "Wanna come to London with me and we can shack up together?" hit him. He made an effort to shake it off.

Jude saw his expression and, like she always seemed to, knew what was going on inside his head. "It just sort of happened." She said. He shrugged. Jude cleared her throat. "Want to see my favorite place in the house?" He nodded. "Music room." She opened the door and gestured extravagantly. "I had it soundproofed and stuff. Sorry, it's a mess. I have people that clean the rest of the place but I don't let them in here. After I moved I pretty much lived in this room when I wasn't at the studio. That's how I was able to pull off releasing an album in four months." Tommy liked the room. The rest of the apartment felt sort of foreign to him, the modern furniture, every surface shiny and clean from the maid service. It belonged to the new adult Jude, not his Jude. But this room seemed warmer, with Jude's journals on a shelf, papers spread out on the couch, her guitars and keyboard in a corner, several empty coffee mugs sitting around. It reminded him instantly of her Toronto rehearsal space. In fact, he was pretty certain that the blankets on the couch had been in that rehearsal space.

"it's great." He said. "it's... real, you know? It's you."

Jude nodded. "Out there everyone always _wants _something from me. This doesn't. I think locking myself in here every once and a while is the only thing that keeps me sane half the time. I can get back a little to the person I was when I wasn't a star."

"I know. Just us and the music." Tommy had meant to say "just you and the music," but the "us" had slipped out before he could stop it. Jude's expression changed just enough that he knew she'd caught the slip-up, but she didn't comment on it.

"Jude?" Alex called from somewhere.

Jude looked relieved. "Coming!" She called. She rushed out, smiling at him, saying "hey" and kissing him in a way Tommy, who had followed her, wished he hadn't seen. When they broke apart, Jude turned around. Alex slid his arms around her and smiled "Hello, Tom."

"Hey." Tommy stood with his hands in his pockets.

"Did you have a good day?" Alex asked Jude.

"The best" Jude smiled at Tommy.

"Where's Emily?" Tommy asked Alex.

"I don't know, actually. I thought she'd be here before me."

He grabbed his phone and texted her, but as he did there was a knock at the door. Jude went to open it. A somewhat frazzled-looking Emily blew in, putting in her earrings and saying "Sorry, sorry. Had to go home and change."

"Go home from where?" Alexander asked, having followed Jude.

"Nathalie's. Where else?" Emily said, but she blushed furiously.

"Change out of what?" Jude laughed, hugging her. She stage-whispered "Em, did we interrupt your walk of shame?"

Emily straightened her shirt and said "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Hey, Em." Tommy said, coming up behind them.

"Tom!" Emily dropped her phone and cursed as she watched the battery fly off.

Jude laughed and picked up the pieces of the phone, bending her head in towards Emily's and whispering "Who's the guy?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Emily muttered again as she put her phone back together, blushing harder.

"Well it can't just be Tommy that's got you so out of it. He's good, but he's not that good. And _that_ wouldn't explain where you were."

"How do you know?" Emily retorted weakly, and Jude laughed.

"Because _I_ was with him."

Emily raised her perfect eyebrows.

"Not like that!"

"_Really_?" Emily whispered. "You know, I did see you two last night. You looked pretty close..."

Jude cleared her throat. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure." Emily said with a smirk. and then, louder, turning back to Tommy and Alexander. "Well, are we going to go or what?"

.

"Could you _please_ stop that?" Tommy groaned, exasperated, after they got their food, and Jude and Emily continued to whisper.

Jude looked at him, surprised. "Stop what?"

"That! The whispering... the giggling."

"What?" Jude asked. And then, smirking, to Em "Does he think we're talking about him?"

Tommy shifted uncomfortably. "Okay, it just makes me nervous when..."

Emily laughed. "When women you've slept with are friends with other women you've slept with?" she finished.

Alexander spluttered "WHAT?"

Jude ignored him. "Oh, please, Tom. What about when they're sisters? I'm surprised you haven't slept with _more_ of my friends."

Tommy rolled his eyes. "Here we go." Jude stuck her tongue out at him, and he laughed. "That's your comeback, Harrison? Are we five now?"

Alexander, looking pale, repeated "Excuse me, WHAT? Emily?"

"You didn't know that?" She asked casually.

"You _slept with my cousin?_" Alex hissed at Tommy, turning bright red.

"A long time ago, Lexi." Emily said. "It was, what, '99? He was on tour."

"But–but WHY?"

Emily snorted a laugh. "An incredibly gorgeous, insanely famous foreign man?" Tommy smirked. "And he was interested in me? I was sixteen, Lexi, do the math."

"You were _sixteen? _And how old were you?" Alex was making an effort not to shout the question at Tommy.

Tommy rolled his eyes. "Sixteen? Seventeen? And it's not like she was exactly _virginal._" He raised his eyebrows at Emily, a smile playing at the corner of his lips.

She feigned hurt, putting a hand over her chest. "What are you insinuating?"

Tommy smirked, sitting back and crossing his arms over his chest. "Nothing. Nothing at all."

She scoffed. "It wasn't exactly your first time either, Tom." She mirrored the smirk on his face. "What about that thing where you–"

"Ew!" Jude said, shoving Emily to make her stop talking. "Spare us the details, please." She felt a little nauseated at the realisation that there was a good chance she knew what Emily had been about to say.

Tommy looked at her, sheepish. "Sorry, Jude. It was a long time ago."

"I'm not under any illusions about your sex life, Tommy. I just _really_ don't need any graphic descriptions." She shoved Emily's shoulder again, and Emily laughed, holding up her hands in surrender. "Sorry, sorry."

Alex was still looking between Emily and Tom. "You were _sixteen_?"

"God, Alexander." Emily said, rolling her eyes. "Just because you and Jude were pure as the driven snow when you were sixteen doesn't mean the rest of us were."

"I was not!" Jude and Alex protested together.

"You were, Jude. It's really not a bad thing." Tommy said as Emily said "_Please, _Alex we _all_ know–"

"Fine, maybe I was." Jude sighed and muttered. "Not that you gave me much choice."

Luckily, Emily had still been speaking over her, and no one had heard that last part. Jude caught the last piece of what Emily was saying to Alex "–saving yourselves for marriage, weren't you? Your mum used to wax poetic about it."

"You're saying no one lies to their mum about their sex life when they're in school?"

"I'm saying you didn't."

Alexander was becoming increasingly flustered. "I went to an all boys school." he insisted, his voice rising in pitch. "it's not like I was surrounded in women throwing themselves at me like he was!"

"Oh my God!" Jude said, exasperated. "Can we please change the subject? Alex, it's not that big a deal."

Emily's phone rang then, and she practically fell over herself to answer it. She fumbled with the buttons and then answered, breathlessly "Hello? I wasn't sure you were going to call." She listened, then giggled and whispered "Me too. One second." into the phone and then "Sorry. I'm going to outside and take this, alright?" She got up and walked away.

"Who was that?" Tommy raised an eyebrow at Jude, who shrugged.

"Excuse me," a young waitress said timidly, walking up to the table. "I'm really sorry to interrupt, but you're Jude Harrison, aren't you?"

Jude gave the gracious smile she always gave when fans approached her in public. "That's me."

"You probably hate this," she said "I just wanted to come up and see if it was really you."

Jude laughed. "It's really me."

"C-can I get a picture with you?" she grabbed her iPhone from her pocket and held it out to Jude "I know everyone probably asks you all the time, but my sister will never believe me otherwise."

Endless requests for pictures irritated Jude sometimes, but it was the first time in a while that anyone had asked, and she was in a good mood. "Sure."

"Thank you! I'm really sorry to interrupt your dinner."

"Price of fame, eh?" Tommy said.

The girl jumped, startled, like she hadn't noticed him there. "Tommy Q!" She said breathlessly. He smiled and said "Hey."

"Famous people travel in packs." Jude joked. "And this is Alex."

"Hi." He said, giving the girl a small wave.

"Here, Tom, could you take a picture?" Jude handed him the phone, and he took the photo. Jude handed the phone back to the waitress. "What's your name?"

"Me? I'm Rose. Rosie."

"Nice to meet you, Rosie."

"Thank you so much. Your music pretty much is my Most Played list." she laughed "And my ex-boyfriend wanted to marry you."

"So did hers." Alex said dryly.

Jude looked at him, startled. "Alex!"

"I'll... let you get back to your dinner." The waitress said.

"Seriously?" Jude hissed at Alex when she'd walked away.

Tommy was sitting, frozen. That comment was the _last_ thing he'd expected to hear, and for some reason it hit him like a punch to the stomach. To hear his feelings for Jude summed up and thrown out like that, so casually, and in past tense...

"Sorry." Alex said, throwing up his hands in surrender.

Tommy frowned, anger rising in him, replacing the shock. He crossed his arms.

"God!" Jude said, annoyed. "Not cool, Alex."

"Sorry, mate." Alex said to Tommy. "It just came out."

"Our past" Tommy snapped, threatening Alex with every inch of his expression "is not your business."

Alex looked a little scared. "Got it, sorry."

"Damn straight." Tommy hissed.

Alex looked to Jude, thinking maybe she'd defend him, tell Tommy he was overreacting, but she just looked irritatedly down at her plate.

They ate in silence for a couple minutes until Emily returned, looking flushed. She seemed oblivious to the tension, just said "Sorry everyone. Um... I've actually got to go pretty soon, so if we could maybe finish up, that would be brilliant. I'm not trying to rush you or anything I've just... I've got to..."

"Hot date?" Tommy asked, smirking.

"No, no." Emily said, blushing harder. "Work stuff. Mum asked me to come in and do some paperwork."

"Mhmm. Paperwork." Jude said. "Sure, of course."

"Of course." Emily repeated. "I'll just get my car and go into work, if that's alright."

Tommy and Jude exchanged glances, eyebrows raised, and Jude laughed. "Sure thing, Em."

.

Emily called the passenger's seat, leaving Jude and Tommy sitting in the back. With Emily texting next to him, and Jude and Tommy talking and laughing, unconsciously leaning closer to each other as they talked, Alex felt suddenly out of place. He'd invited his cousin to keep Tommy from feeling awkward, and had somehow not considered that _he'd_ be the third wheel with Jude, instead of the other man.

He tried to shake the feeling, making an effort to involve himself in their conversation, but, though Jude, at least, was acknowledging what he was saying, he still felt uneasy at the way that Tommy would occasionally lower his voice to the point where Alex couldn't quite understand, causing Jude to lean in closer. Something about the way she looked at him made Alex uncomfortable, though he couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. It wasn't as though she was obviously undressing him with her eyes or anything of the sort, nor was she so focused on him that she stopped paying attention to Alex, it just... something about it made him feel queasy and get panicked little butterflies in his stomach.

He was certain he was just being overly anxious, as he had been known to do when it came to their relationship (but _come on_. She was a beautiful and famous rock goddess, and he was a skinny, bookish, and altogether painfully unremarkable man.) but he still had to fight back the feeling of jealous panic when she hugged Tommy goodbye and held on for just a split second longer than seemed absolutely necessary.

It was nothing. He was _sure_ it was nothing, and that's what he told himself, but he couldn't help but wish that the man would just go back home already, and leave them alone.

* * *

><p>asdhakjgfsgkjh I don't know how I feel about this chapter. It's one of the last few I wrote (I was stuck on it for a LONG time), so it's one of the least edited, though it's A LOT better than it was when I was first writing it (the whole scene with the waitress went on forever and there was this whole thing with Alex and Tommy speaking French that didn't work out...) But it just doesn't... flow right. Maybe I'm imagining it.<p>

Sorry for the rambles. Suggestions?


	13. Chapter 13

The next afternoon, after a day of work, and (unfortunately) no Tommy save for a few short text conversations, Jude reluctantly went with Alex to his parents' house to "have tea" and be interrogated by his mother.

"Jude, love, please just relax, alright?" He said as they walked up to the door. "She doesn't hate you, I promise. It'll be fine." Alex was looking pretty nervous himself, however, and had made his hair puff up by running his hands through it repeatedly.

"Yeah, right. That's why _you're_ so relaxed?" She grabbed his hand before he could run it back through his hair.

"It'll be fine." He repeated, and rang the doorbell. Jude moved subtly behind him, but it wasn't his mother who answered. Instead, the door was opened by a pretty, petite woman with straight dark hair and glasses with thin purple frames. She looked about Alex's age.

"Hello" She said, smiling.

Alex's jaw dropped. "Maren?" He asked in disbelief.

Jude didn't recognize her, but the name rang a bell in her mind. It took her a minute to remember why.

"Hi, Lexi. It's been a while." Maren said.

Very few people called Alexander "Lexi." It was a nickname from his childhood, and as far as Jude knew, Alex hated it when anyone who wasn't family used it. He didn't seem bothered, though, just said "Seriously." a little breathlessly. That's when Jude remembered.

.

It was their first date. They were walking along the river, and Jude had been fighting off memories all night, trying to just enjoy Alex's company without constantly comparing him to Tommy, but it was hard. "Have you ever been in love?" She asked suddenly, catching Alexander off-guard.

"What?" He asked, surprised.

"Have you ever been in love?" She repeated.

"That's a bit of a heavy question, yeah? Isn't there some kind of rule against talking about exes on a first date?" Alex laughed a little nervously.

"Probably" She said, embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I've never been very good at this."

"No, you're fine. I was just surprised. The truth is... I don't know if I've ever been in love."

"Never?"

"I dunno. Maybe once. I definitely thought so at the time."

"Who was she?" They sat on a bench, and Jude hugged her legs to her chest, resting her chin on her knees and facing him.

"Well... you know I went to an all-boys school for seven years."

"Oh!" She said, surprised. "He?"

"What?" Alex laughed. "No! God, no. I'm not– wow, no. Not that there's anything wrong with– but I– No, not at _all_." he shook his head, flustered. "I was going to say 'but there was a girls' school up the road.'"

"Sorry" Jude said, embarrassed. "I assumed."

"No, it's fine, I just... no." He laughed again.

Jude cleared her throat. "There was a girl's school up the road?" She prompted.

"Right." Alex nodded. "They were our sister school, so we had all these combined parties and things, and we were allowed to see each other after classes and on the weekends. My sisters went there and so did she. Her name was Maren. Our families were close. Our dads were friends from university, our older sisters were best friends, they always came over for Christmas, her mum taught me to swim, my mum taught her to play piano, et cetera, et cetera. We'd known each other our whole lives, but I'd never thought of her like that. We were just friends, you know?"

Jude nodded. "Me and my friend Jamie were sort of like that."

"Well, our schools had this thing called Gala, which I guess was a bit like prom is in North America, except that it was in February?"

"I think we'd have called it winter formal or something. I don't know. We had a lot of school dances, but I didn't go to very many." Jude said.

Alex shrugged. "They're not as common in the UK. Gala was just at our schools, I think. Some effort to 'build community' between the boys' school and the girls' school. Modern ideas, and all that. But anyway, our friends dared us to slow dance. It was incredibly awkward, but she was wearing this, like, sparkly dress, and her hair was up, and I guess I just noticed her for the first time. Once I had, I couldn't un-see it. Couldn't stop thinking about her, or whatever." He blushed slightly, and Jude could imagine him as an awkward high school kid with a crush on his childhood best friend.

"That's adorable!" Jude laughed.

Alex smiled. "Needless to say, after that..." he paused, then admitted "I avoided her like the plague." Jude laughed again. "Well, it scared me!" he said. "She was my best friend! She was Maren! She wasn't a girl! I practically didn't talk to her for a month. But she was smarter than I was, and she refused to let me get away with it. We started dating in March, and we were together for a little over a year before we split up."

"Did she end it, or did you?"

He sighed. "I did."

"What happened?"

"Our parents were planning our whole future. I think they had named our children." Jude laughed and Alex shook his head. "No, see, you think I'm joking, but you've never met my mum."

"Oh, wow. Yikes."

"Yeah. I started to doubt whether being with Maren was what I wanted, or just what my family wanted for me. So I broke it off. At the end of the term she went to university in Scotland and I came back to London. We sent a handful of texts and e-mails, and I think we're still friends on Facebook, but I haven't seen her since."

"Did you regret it?" Jude said quietly.

Alex thought for a moment, then said. "Well, yeah, loads, at first. It just felt sort of wrong without her there, I guess. The next day I almost went to her and begged for her back, but I didn't."

Jude's chest ached, remembering all the times she'd dialed Tommy's number only to hang up before the call could go through. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was years ago. Besides, it was for the best." Alex said.

"How do you know?"

He looked at her and said shyly "Because if I'd stayed with Maren, I wouldn't be here with you."

.

So this was _Maren_. That, at least, explained why Alex looked so freaked out.

"Are you just going to stand in the doorway?" Maren laughed, a bright, pretty sound. "Come in." They did, and Maren saw Jude for the first time. She looked stunned for a second, "Alex, is that..."

"I'm Jude." Jude said. "Hi"

"You're _Jude Harrison_?" Maren asked, incredulous. When Jude nodded, Maren hit Alex on the shoulder, hissing "Your mum said you were bringing a girl, she didn't say you were bringing _Jude Harrison_!"

"Oh!" Alex said, recovering enough to remember to introduce them. "Jude, this is Maren. She's... I've known her my whole life."

"Yeah. You told me about her once, I think."

"I did?"

"Yeah." She said quietly. "Down by the river. Our first date."

"Oh." Alex cleared his throat uncomfortably. "And, um... Maren, this is Jude."

"I know who she _is_, stupid. I'm a huge fan, by the way, Jude."

"Thanks. It's nice to meet you."

"Yeah, well, she's my fiancée." Alex smiled at Jude

"Fiancée!" Maren looked even more surprised. "Well you certainly traded up."

Alex looked pained. "Mare, it's not like that."

Maren laughed "I'm kidding, Lexi!" Then to Jude "God, he takes everything so seriously, doesn't he?" Jude laughed and Maren smiled up at Alex. "Sweet as anything, though." She reached over and squeezed his hand.

"What are you even doing here?" Alex asked, awkwardly pulling his hand out of hers. "Not that it's not good to see you, but..."

"I'm at Oxford, now. We're on a holiday."

"What? Really? You're living in England again?"

"Yeah. Your mum invited me over for tea."

"My mum..." Alex groaned. "You know what she's trying to do by inviting you here, don't you?"

"I figured it out." Maren looked sheepish. "But I didn't know. She didn't tell me you were bringing anyone until just before you got here. I'm sorry. I'm not–"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. It's not your fault. I'm really sorry about this, Jude."

"It's fine. I expected some kind of an ambush." Jude grumbled, then explained to Maren "His mother doesn't exactly care for me."

Maren looked sympathetic. "She's really not that bad, I promise. Just a little protective."

"Yeah, well, she's set on protecting him from me."

"She'll warm up to you."

Jude gave Maren a skeptical look as Alex's mother turned the corner and smiled. "Alexander!" She hugged him.

"Mum, why didn't you tell me you invited Maren?" Alex said crossly.

"I wanted it to be a surprise, darling!" She said innocently. "I thought you'd be pleased!"

"Mum! You think I don't know what you're trying to do?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Alex's mother pressed her mouth into a tight line.

"Leave it, Lexi." Maren sighed. "I'll go."

"No. Stay. It's fine." Jude said. "It's not a big deal."

"Alexander, she came all this way. The least you could do is be polite."

Alexander sighed, then turned to Maren and put on a syrupy smile. "It's so lovely to see you again, Miss Wesley." He said in an overly posh accent. He kissed her hand and she laughed, curtsying.

"Alex!" His mother said disapprovingly.

"Okay, look, _I'll_ go." Jude said.

"Jude!" Alex looked hurt.

"You do seem to have a habit of doing that." Mrs. Clifton muttered. Jude felt a pain shoot through her chest, but quickly realized that she had only been referring to the time she'd stormed out of the house over a year prior.

"How about nobody leaves, and we get out of the foyer?" Maren suggested, rolling her eyes.

"Right, brilliant." Alex said, and grabbed Jude's hand, going to sit down.

His mother and Maren followed. "Maren, darling, could you go and get those scones, please?" Mrs. Clifton asked.

"Sure, Amy. Be right back." She got up and went to the kitchen.

"Alexander, go help her please."

"Mum," Alex said hesitantly. "I think Maren can take care of it herself."

"Go. It's fine." Jude said, realizing pretty quickly that Mrs. Clifton wanted to talk to her alone, and figuring it would be better to get it over with.

"Jude, she's–"

"It's fine." She repeated.

Alex sighed and got up, kissing Jude on the forehead. "Be right back."

"Oh, hey Lexi." Maren said when she saw Alex. She opened the oven and took out when looked like blueberry scones.

"Mum sent me in here to 'help you'"

"Oh no." Maren laughed. "So that's either code for she wants to talk to Jude alone, or she's hoping we'll realize we're meant to be over scones." She took off the oven mitts and began to transfer the scones from a baking sheet to a plate.

"Um, the former, I think. Poor Jude." Alex said uncomfortably.

"Well God help her." Maren muttered, and then hissed "Ouch! Dammit!"

"What?"

"Nothing. Burned myself on the thing." She went to the sink and ran the burnt finger under cold water.

"Let me see it." Alex said, coming up behind her and holding out his hand.

She laughed and placed her hand in his, palm up. "Think I'm going to live, doctor?"

"Maybe." He dropped her hand. She rolled her eyes and went back to placing the scones. "Did you make these?" He asked, stealing one and taking a bite before she could stop him.

"Yeah, I– Hey!"

"What? We were just going to eat them anyway." he took another bite. "Mmm. I forgot you could bake." he said around the food in his mouth.

"A little. And if I recall, you can cook."

He swallowed "I'm alright, I suppose."

"Jude doesn't, does she? She doesn't seem like the type."

Alex shook his head. "No, she's not." He watched Maren for a few seconds as she put jam into a dish. "Are you dating anyone, Mare?"

"I was engaged." She said quietly. "His name was Jacob, and he wants to be Prime Minister, if that gives you any idea of his personality. We'd been together for two years, and he proposed in March."

"What happened?"

"A month after he gave me the ring, I found out in the most awful way possible that, in the true fashion of great politicians, he'd been sleeping with a woman from his Chinese class for the past four months. So I ended it."

"Oh, God, Maren, I'm sorry. It was his loss, alright?" He put an arm around her.

"Maybe you spoiled me." She sighed, leaning into him for a moment. She'd forgotten how tall he was. "Now I'm expecting all men to be decent human beings."

"I wasn't that good a boyfriend, Mare." Alex said.

"Come off it. You were. You just freaked out a bit at the end, there." She looked up at him thoughtfully. "We could've been great, I think."

Alex dropped his arm and stepped back. "Maren, I love Jude." He said firmly. "We're getting married."

Maren laughed, startled. "I know. I wasn't saying you didn't, or trying to... I was just... I dunno. Things could have turned out differently, but they didn't. That comment had more to do with Jake than it did you." She put the jam away. "Besides. I see the way you look at her. You never looked at me like that."

"We were 17..."

"Plus, she's _famous_, for God's sake." Maren said, ignoring him. "Leah used to have a picture of her up in our room at school, and now she's _marrying my ex-boyfriend?!_ I'd prefer to take that as a testament to my impeccable taste in men." She laughed and handed the bowl of jam to Alex, grabbing the plate of scones. "Come on, you ridiculously tall idiot. We need to save Jude from your mum already."

.

"Jude, I know you think I'm a heartless old hag." Mrs. Clifton said after Alexander and Maren left the room.

"I don–"

"But" Mrs. Clifton spoke over her. "I love my son. I just want what's best for him, and I don't believe that's you."

"Why not?" Jude exclaimed frustratedly. "Just because I'm a musician? That's completely unfair!"

The older woman pursed her lips. "Not because you play music for a living. Because you're exactly like my sister."

Jude scoffed "I am nothing like Nora."

"She used to say that she had a 'restless spirit.' But what that translated to was an inability to commit to a relationship. I've been watching her chew men up and spit them out for years now. And I can't watch that happen to my boy."

"Just because your sister does something doesn't mean I do. You don't know the first thing about me, or my relationship with Alex!" Jude protested.

Alex's mother looked at her coldly. "I know he loves you. You can see it in the way his eyes light up when he talks about you."

"What's wrong with that?"

"What's wrong is that when I look in your eyes I see nothing."

Jude was dumbfounded. She stared at Mrs. Clifton open-mouthed.

"Maybe I'm wrong." The woman said, sighing.

"I love him." Jude said quietly, tears forming in her eyes. "I _do._"

She looked hard at Jude for a long moment. "If that's true," She said finally, her voice softening "I give you my blessing."

Jude was shocked. Those were the only words of approval she'd ever heard from Mrs. Clifton. "Really?"

"But when you leave him, you'll break his heart. Don't expect any forgiveness from me."

They sat in silence, then, and Jude battled the unnecessarily strong sense of guilt that had come over her. It wasn't as though she had done anything wrong. She wasn't planning to hurt Alex. She wasn't _going _to hurt Alex. When Alexander and Maren came back, she smiled in relief. "Hey."

"Hey." Alex replied, and kissed her forehead. "You good?" He asked her quietly.

She nodded. "perfect."

"Mum," Alex asked suspiciously, sitting down. "What are those?" He pointed to three big, leather-bound books that were sitting in the middle of the table.

"Those" She smiled "are books of photographs."

Alex and Maren groaned.

"Let me guess." Jude said, grinning at Alex "Embarrassing childhood photos of Lexi?"

Alex shot her a look at the nickname, but then smirked and said. "Well, and Maren."

Jude laughed. "Wicked."

The photos were, in reality, not that embarrassing. Alex had been an adorable child, if a little bit of a nerd. There were a lot of pictures of him reading, and a lot of pictures of him with his sisters. And, as Alex had said there would be, there were quite a few pictures of Maren as well.

Jude liked Maren. She clearly possessed the intelligence that Alex had and Jude herself lacked, but she was also bright and funny and passionate. Her enthusiasm was infectious, and she and Alex had the effortless chemistry of people that had known each other their whole lives. For the first time, Jude was actually relatively comfortable in Alex's parents' house. Even when there were pictures of Alex and Maren which were clearly from when they were dating, (arms around each other, smiling brightly at the camera; arm in arm, dressed up before a Christmas party; kissing under mistletoe; dancing at Alex's sister's wedding; both asleep, with Maren's head on Alex's shoulder) Maren managed to diffuse much of the awkwardness by teasing Alex about his haircut, or telling funny stories about the events. Alex gave Jude a handful of uncomfortable, apologetic smiles, but even he seemed to be able to relax when Maren was talking, and Jude actually managed to ignore his mother's pointed looks.

"Well, I should get going." Maren said finally, at around 4:30, after they had long since finished their tea. "I have to pick up my brother from his girlfriend's house in a half hour, and it's a bit far."

"Actually, we have to go as well." Alex said. "Thanks for tea mum."

"Well, Jude," Alex's mother said as they all got up from the table and Jude, Alex, and Maren went to retrieve their jackets and keys. "you'll have to come again and we'll talk about wedding plans." Jude paled a little at that, but nodded.

"It was incredible to meet you, Jude." Maren said, giving her a hug.

"You too." Jude smiled.

"I can't _believe_ Alex managed to get a famous rock star."

Jude laughed "Well, I can't believe he managed to get you."

"Hey!" Alex protested. "I'm right here!" and Jude and Maren both laughed.

"It was good to see you again, Lexi." Maren said, reaching up to hug him.

"How did I manage to not see you for three years?" he asked, hugging her back.

"Here." She said, letting him go and pulling her phone from her pocket. They exchanged numbers and Maren said "I'll ring you later and we can meet up for lunch some time when we're both free. You too, Jude, if you'd like."

After saying goodbye to Alex's mum, they left, and walked to their respective vehicles. Just as Jude was about to climb in the passenger door of Alex's car, Maren shouted "Jude!" from next to her own car. Jude turned, and Maren gestured for her to come over. She did and Maren gave her another hug. "First of all, I can't wait to tell my friends I met Jude bloody Harrison." Jude laughed. "Second," Maren said, more seriously, "Alex is one of the best people I've ever known, and he really, really cares about you. So be good to him, alright? I'm serious."

Jude nodded. "It was good to meet you, Maren."

"You too."

When she got back in the car, and he began to drive, Alex asked "What was that about?"

Jude shrugged. "Remember how Jamie told you he would beat you up if you ever hurt me?"

Alex laughed. "I do. Wait, Maren told you she'd beat you up?"

Jude grinned "Not in so many words. It was implied."

"You'd better be careful then." Alex said. "She's surprisingly strong."

"All five foot nothing of her?"

"Hey, don't underestimate. She's a black belt, actually. She could probably do some serious damage, if you really really got her angry."

"God, I'd better start being nicer to you, then."

"Damn straight." Alex said, and Jude laughed. "She didn't really threaten you, though, did she?" he asked.

"Not really." Jude said. "But she told me to be good to you." She paused. "Your mother told me she'll never forgive me if I break your heart."

Alex made a face. "God." He said, irritated. "I'm sorry."

Jude shrugged. "She's just protective. She cares. So does Maren."

"I know, I know, but just... why would she think you'd ever do that?"

Jude's heart clenched. "I don't know." she said, quietly

"Don't worry." he smiled at her tenderly. "I gave you my heart for a reason."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** *sigh* I apologize in advance for the massively predictable plot twist that's about to happen. In my defense, the Instant Star writers would've done it too.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Nora, what's going on?" Jude said, walking into her boss's office the next morning after having been woken up by a call from Emily asking her to come in early. "Em said you needed to see me." She muttered "two hours earlier than I was supposed to come in."<p>

"It's Robert." Nora said, stiffly.

"Yeah, he wasn't in yesterday, is he alright?"

"For the moment, yes." she said, her lips pressed into a tight line. "Though if I ever get my hands on him I can't guarantee he'll stay that way."

"What? What did he do?" she asked, confused.

"Sit. He left this for you." She said with a long-suffering sigh. Jude sat in the chair opposite Nora's, and Nora handed her an opened envelope with "Jude" written on the front. Inside was a folded sheet of lined paper. She recognized Rob's handwriting.

"_Jude, love._" it read.

"_So sorry to have to leave you like this, but the heart wants what the heart wants. I've never done anything like this before, but... Marco's taking me backpacking in _Thailand_! Can you believe it? I really do regret that I can't say goodbye, but after seeing you with that ring on your finger I thought 'I need to do something spontaneous and romantic for once in my life.' So for once I'm not playing it safe. I'm just following my heart, not thinking it through, or waiting around for someone to talk me out of it. Can't say for sure when I'll be back, and if I know Nora, there won't be a job waiting for me when I do. But for some strange reason, I don't care. This is a new leaf. I'm gonna live like music. (See how you inspire me?) _

"_On that note (ha), your album will be fantastic with or without me there to push your buttons. I'll buy it as soon as I get the chance, and I'll send you a postcard from Bangkok. Maybe we'll come wandering back in time for your wedding. Best of luck to you and Alex. I've mailed a letter to him as well. I love you, you incredible crazy rock star._

"_Love always,_

"_Rob_"

Jude stared at the letter, rereading it to make sure she'd read correctly. This was so surreal, so unlike Rob, who, while being a hopeless romantic in theory, had always been relatively down to earth. "What?" She asked after a minute. "So he's, what, eloping? I didn't even think he and Marco were still together." She looked up at her boss. "Seriously, what the hell? Is this a joke?" Nora gave a her a glare that said 'Do I look like I'm joking to you?' and Jude quickly said "Rhetorical question, sorry. But what the hell?"

"I can't fathom why he left. But the bigger problem is that he's gone, and you don't have anyone to help you finish this album."

"But I'm my own producer. Do I really need someone to help me finish?"

"I was under the impression you still had several songs left on which you needed to record vocals."

"Yeah, I do, but–"

"I will not have you running back and forth to record your own vocals. It's inefficient, and the sound quality will suffer. Besides, it's my personal policy to have more than one pair of ears in every recording booth, or you can't be objective about your sound."

Jude sighed. "Fine. But there are other sound engineers, aren't there?"

"All of mine are working on other projects, and I'm reluctant to jeopardize other artists. I suppose there might be someone I could pull, and I'll put out the word that we're hiring, but your album is due three weeks from today." Her boss, who was normally the epitome of calm and collected, was becoming increasingly agitated as she spoke.

All of a sudden, it hit Jude, and she couldn't believe she hadn't thought of it before. It was crazy, and under normal circumstances she'd never have tried it... but Nora was looking so desperate it might just work... "It's okay." She said. "I think I might have a solution."

.

She had to knock on his hotel room door several times, but finally Tommy answered the door, bleary-eyed, wrapped in the hotel comforter. "Um... hi, Harrison. A little warning would be nice. Especially at the crack of dawn."

"It's ten o'clock. Dawn cracked like three hours ago. I have an offer to make." She said, uncharacteristically brusque.

Tommy raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

"Just let me in."

Tommy looked at her strangely, but stepped aside, letting her into the suite. "Coffee?" He asked.

"No time."

"Yeah, aren't you supposed to be working today?"

"I _am_ working. That's what I'm trying to say. Nora asked me..."

Tommy removed the blanket from his shoulders, revealing a bare chest underneath. Jude was caught off-guard and trailed off. Tommy smirked. "Earth to Jude."

"Hmmwhat? Yeah, sorry. Um, Nora told me to come down and ask... Oh my God, will you put on a damn shirt, Quincy?" She looked pointedly away, but her eyes flickered back, much to Tommy's amusement.

"Your boss wants me to put on a shirt?" Still smirking.

"_Quincy_"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Am I distracting you?"

She didn't bother denying it "You're such an ass."

He made a show of grabbing a shirt and slipping it over his head. "Better?"

"Nora wanted me to ask you to come down for an interview."

"An _interview_?" Tommy asked, surprise wiping the smirk off his face. "For what job?"

"Well, do you remember Robert?"

He shook his head, then said "Oh, wait, that guy from the party? The audio engineer?"

"Yeah, well, apparently he's eloped, or something, and gone off on a last-minute, months-long backpacking trip with his boyfriend."

"Backpacking _where?_" Tommy interrupted. "It's almost winter."

"Nowhere." Jude coughed uncomfortably. "Anyway, Nora's freaking out, with the album due so soon. I told her I could do it myself, but she refused, and everyone else is busy. I kind of told her you'd be willing to... fill in, just until the album is done. She remembered you from my party, and I guess she liked you, because she agreed to an interview."

"_Fill in?_ I _don't_ engineer, Harrison."

She gave him her best puppy-dog eyes. "I'm caught, here. Help me out? Please?"

"Fine." He said reluctantly "But you aren't demoting me. If you really want my help, I'll produce you."

Jude made a noise of protest "No way! I've fought hard to be my own producer! You don't get to be my boss!"

Tommy sighed exasperatedly. "I taught you everything you know, remember? There's no way I'm letting you be _my_ boss."

"You didn't teach me _everything_ I know."

He scoffed. "Damn close."

"Whatever." Jude hesitated, then said "Fine. Would you agree to co-producers? We've done it before."

Tommy considered it. He knew Jude was a great producer, probably as good as he was, and he _had _always loved working with her... "That means we share creative control, Harrison."

She put her hands up in an 'I surrender' gesture."Of course."

"In that case... Deal."

She smiled "Deal." They shook hands. "Now get ready!"

"I'm going!"

He showered and dressed, managing to come and retrieve the comforter wearing just a towel, allowing Jude, despite her eye-rolling, ample opportunity to stare at him again.

"Jude" he asked as they got into a cab, not because he really cared, but because he was curious why she'd avoided the question the first time he'd asked. "Where'd you say that Robert guy is going backpacking, again?"

Jude hesitated, then sighed and said "Thailand."

"Ah." Tommy said, remembering their long-ago plans with a pang.

She shook her head and changed the subject.

.

"Well, Tom, I don't see any reason not to bring you in, at least for the completion of Jude's album." Nora said at the end of the shortest job interview Tommy'd ever had.

"Alright. Where do I sign?"

"No contract for now, if that's okay. I'm treating this as a trial run, since I don't really have time for a complete interview, or to draw up the paperwork. But if this goes well, I'll make it official. At that point, you can continue working with Jude, or we can get you producing another artist, or you can leave, if that's what you want. I'll pay you what I'd pay any producer, and you're welcome to check me on that. Think of it as an extended interview process."

He considered that. "Sounds fair enough."

"And I'd like you to start right away, if you could."

"How right away?"

"Jude's in the studio now."

"Wow." He said, surprised. "That _is_ right away."

Nora smiled apologetically. "We're on a bit of a deadline. I revised Jude's work schedule a bit to give you to time to review the album if you need. Last I checked, she had a few songs left to record, and several to finish mixing, but I'm fairly certain she got some more done this week. We're looking at 11 or 12 songs total. I need a finalized track list in the next two days for the album covers, and final mix is due to me three weeks from yesterday. Sound possible?"

"Stressful, but possible." Tommy replied.

"Good." She smiled. "If you would, I'd like you and Jude to review the album right now."

Jude knocked on the door to Nora's office, and her boss gestured for her to come in. "Jude" she said. "You've got brilliant timing. I was just telling Tom to go and listen to what you have so far of the album, get an idea of what you've still got to do."

"Right now? Does that mean he's officially my co-producer?"

"It does indeed."

"Wicked!" She grinned at Tommy, who smiled back. He was looking forward to this more and more, though he'd not been thrilled at the thought at first. "I always value Tommy's opinion on my music."

"Can't wait to hear it, Harrison."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N:** I'm taking my laptop in to get it fixed tomorrow, so I won't have it on Wednesday, and I'm not sure I'll have it back by the weekend. If I don't, you'll see me the next Wednesday. Sorry about that. I wish they would let you do queued uploads.

* * *

><p>"Wow. I wrote this forever ago. It's more of a filler, I guess. I mean, not a filler, just... Not the one that's the most emotional, and not the one they'd mix in a weird way and use in shoe commercials."Jude babbled. "I was thinking fourth or fifth. No, sixth. Well, maybe fifth. It depends on how the mix on West End turns out... Well, but it's definitely not first, I mixed it first so it's in the computer that way, but–"<p>

"Harrison!" Tommy exclaimed. "I'm trying to listen, will you shut up?"

"Oh, right, sorry." She fidgeted. Tommy closed his eyes, listening intently. "Was the piano always so loud there?" She burst out a bit later, his focus on the song making her nervous, and her nervousness making her hypercritical, hearing problems everywhere. "We can fix that. Something's weird with the drum track too."

Tommy sighed and opened his eyes, pausing the playback. "I know you've listened to this a thousand times, but this is the first time I've heard it. I need to listen to the whole thing first, then again and take notes, and then we can talk about levels. I cannot do this with you interjecting every five seconds, okay?"

"Right, sorry."

"Jude, if I'm making you nervous..."

"Not at all." she responded hastily. He gave her a "yeah right" look, and she said "But I could use some coffee, and I told Alex I'd call... You can do this by yourself, yeah?"

"I think I'll manage." He said, rolling his eyes.

"Find me when you're done."

"Will do."

.

Jude tried to laugh at herself. She was being ridiculous! It was just Tommy. They were co-producers, friends working at the same level. He hadn't been her teacher or mentor for years now.

So why was she so damn nervous?

She paced around for a while, singing to herself to keep from thinking about the judgement that was about to be passed on her album. After what seemed like an eternity, Tommy came out.

"So? Did you like it?" She asked, too eagerly.

Tommy nodded. "There are a few technical things, some stylistic stuff I don't really agree with, and some mic stuff that I want to redo. And obviously some of these don't have vocals, so we need to do that. You're also one, maybe two songs short, which you already knew. But for the most part, it's good. Really good, actually. I'm impressed, not that I expected anything less." He smiled.

Just as Jude was breathing a sigh of relief, Tommy said "Oh. One song, though, needs some _serious_ work. I mean, we're talking total redo, if not cut."

Jude stiffened again "What song?"

Tommy looked at the track list she'd given him. "Um... what was it... Oh. It's the one that's just listed as 'Untitled' on this sheet."

"Oh, yeah. I thought of a title the other day, but I can't remember it. I wrote it down somewhere. What was wrong with it? Is it because I went a cappella on that one part of the bridge? Because I decided that at the last minute and I wasn't sure."

Tommy sighed and shook his head. "Not that, Harrison. Not even close."

"Then what? The mics? The drums? Was I flat? 'Cause I know sometimes I–"

"Jude." Tommy said, "All that stuff was fine. For the first cut, you've done an amazing production job, and your singing was great."

"Wait, then what's wrong with it? The chords?" She didn't really sound defensive, more like she genuinely was concerned about the song and wanted his feedback.

"Come on, girl."

"What?"

"It's a fine song, and beautifully recorded, but the _lyrics_... You and I both know you can write better than that."

Jude did get defensive then. "What's wrong with the lyrics?"

Tommy scoffed. "I've never heard anything this cheesy and meaningless in my entire life. Even Boyz Attack never–"

"What the hell, Quincy?" Jude was shouting now, the conversation escalating rapidly into a fight.

"So you're telling me you think this song sounds _good_, Harrison? These lyrics?"

"It's a love song! It's supposed to be cheesy!"

Tommy's voice grew louder. "There's romantic, and then there's disgustingly sappy. I mean, God, your metaphors alone practically killed me. I would think that after almost six years of being a professional singer/songwriter you would know that it's been too cheesy to compare anyone's eyes to the ocean since, like, the 1950s. Jude, you rhymed 'love' with 'love.' Twice."

Jude was shaking and her face was hot with rage and embarrassment. "How the hell would you even know? How dare you insult my lyrics when you haven't even written a goddamned song in 10 years! Where do you get off critiquing me when the last time you wrote your own songs you were fresh out of a freaking 90s boy band! I mean really, come on! What makes you think you can do better, huh? Show me the brilliant songs YOU'VE written recently, Quincy! Oh wait... there AREN'T ANY"

Every muscle in Tommy's body was tensed, and Jude could see a vein pulsing in his temple. His voice grew quiet, a hiss. "You don't know anything, Harrison." Tommy spat. "Get the hell out of this studio, and come back when you're ready to be professional, and take the criticism you asked for."

Jude was too furious to speak. He was ordering _her_ out of the studio? How dare he? He wasn't her boss anymore! He didn't own her! But she knew he was right, that she had to cool down. Be rational. She spun on her heel and stormed out of the room, leaving Tommy trying to figure out why the hell she'd gotten so defensive so fast. Twenty minutes into working with her, and they were already fighting.

As usual, he needed something to do with his hands, to keep him from doing something out of anger that he'd regret later. Words Mrs. M had said to him a lifetime ago flashed through his head. "Music, Thomas, is a way of expressing everything you have trapped inside of you. When you get angry, instead of taking it out on other people, take it out through the notes."

Tommy took a deep breath and turned on the electronic keyboard. He sat down, making himself take deep breaths, feeling the smooth keys under his fingers for a moment before beginning to play.

Chords flowed through his fingertips. Because Jude was wrong. Besides the obvious fact that he'd been co-writing her songs for years (not to mention he'd written her Love to Burn when she turned 18), for a long time after she'd left Toronto, writing songs was about all he'd been able to do. True, some of them were bad, practically nonsensical. But he did end up with some good ones. Heartbreak, Tommy noted, while incredibly awful in general, is actually fantastic for songwriting.

The chords he was playing turned into a song he'd written a little more than a week after Jude's move to London.

Just as he started to sing, Jude walked in, leaning against the door frame and watching him. He glanced at her, but didn't hold her gaze, just sang.

.

_It's been a while since the two of us talked  
>About a week since the day that you walked<br>Knowing things would never be the same  
>With your empty heart, and mine full of pain<br>So explain to me how it came to this  
>Take it back to the night we kissed<em>

_We were sitting with our backs against the world  
>Saying things that we thought but never heard<br>Oh, who would've thought it would end up like this?  
>Where everything we talked about is gone<br>And the only chance we have of moving on  
>Is trying to take it back before it all went wrong<em>

Jude felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. His voice and his expression felt like they were going to turn her inside out. He was doing it again, like he had with the Adele song, using the song to let out the feelings he kept inside the rest of the time. But this was worse. This was raw. His own words.

_Before the worst, before we mend  
>Before our hearts decide it's time to love again<br>Before too late, before too long,  
>Lets try and take it back before it all went wrong<em>

Jude slipped quietly into the studio, picked up her guitar, and started to play along with him, following his chords.

_Are you hearing me?  
>'Cause I don't wanna miss<br>Set you adrift on memory bliss  
>It was on this street<br>On a rainy night  
>I was down on one knee and you were mine for life<em>

Tommy's voice cracked, but his expression didn't change. Jude closed her eyes briefly and managed to keep herself together.

_We were thinking we would never be apart  
>With your name tattooed across my heart<br>Oh, who would've thought it would end up like this?  
>Where everything we talked about is gone<br>And the only chance we have of moving on  
>Is trying to take it back before it all went wrong<em>

Having picked up the chorus, Jude sang it with him, softly harmonizing in the background.

_Before the worst, before we mend  
>Before our hearts decide it's time to love again<br>Before too late, before too long  
>Let's try to take it back before it all went wrong<em>

She stopped playing as he sang the bridge, staring and willing him to look at her.

_If the clouds don't clear  
>Then we'll rise above it, we'll rise above it<br>Oh, heaven's gate is so near  
>Come walk with me through<br>Just like we used to, just like we used to_

_Lets take it back before it all went wrong_

He did look at her then, as he played the final chord. His eyes were tight, filled with pain and anger. He sat for a minute, hands on the keyboard, even after the sound had died down. Then he looked away, ran his hand along his jaw, sighed, and got up to leave.

"Tommy, wait." Jude said, having found her voice again. He stopped but didn't turn around, his hand on the door frame. Her voice was pleading. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. You were... You were absolutely right about that song."

That made him turn and look at her. His expression softened a little. "Just... Why did you get so defensive? You asked for my opinion. And the song... Jude, it's–"

"I know." She cut him off. "I know it's bad. I think I always knew it was."

"Then why even put it on the album? We both know you can write ten songs a night if you're in an inspired mood. You must have plenty of other choices. But this song? This could've ruined your album."

Jude bit her lip. "It was... It was Alexander's birthday. His sister told me that he'd told her that he really wanted me to write him a song as a gift. I figured it'd be easy. I was sure I already had one, actually. At least a partial one. But I couldn't find one so..."

He came and sat down next to her. "So you wrote _that_? Girl, you might as well have given him a cheesy greeting card."

She shot him a glare. "I get it, Quincy. The song is bad. His sisters wanted me to sing at his party. They told him I had 'a surprise' for him." She sounded irritated, even mildly disgusted. "I lied and told them it was 'too personal' to perform at the party, but I still needed _something_. Some 'surprise.' What could I do?"

"and you couldn't think of _anything_, Harrison?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she scowled.

"Stop it! You're such a pervert, Quincy!" He smirked. She rolled her eyes. "The point is, I threw it together in ten minutes or so. It barely made sense." She laughed. "His eyes aren't even blue, for God's sake." Tommy tried to disguise a laugh as a cough, and Jude was suddenly very focused on her hands in her lap. "But he loved it." she mumbled.

"Okay, okay. But on the _album_, Harrison? Do you hate having a job or something?"

Jude looked at him helplessly. "He's expecting it to be on there. I didn't want to disappoint him."

"But what about disappointing your fans? Don't they matter?" He looked at her in a way that was tender, but with more than a hint of condescension. It was his teacher look. One she'd seen many times.

"I know! That's more important. I agree with you, okay? I just... got defensive because..." she paused. When she spoke again she was muttering. "I didn't want to admit I couldn't even write a decent love song for my own fiancé."

He opened his mouth, then shut it again.

"I don't know what's wrong with me."

After a long pause he sighed sympathetically and said "I get it, girl. It's okay."

"I shouldn't have said what I did. Your song was..." She trailed off, not knowing what word to use.

He understood anyway and smiled. "Thanks. It helped, you know? To write."

"Yeah." Jude said in a small voice. "I know how it is."

He nodded slowly. "Why don't you take lunch and we'll talk more about your album in an hour or so, okay?"

"Sounds good." She put her guitar on its stand and stood up. As she walked past, Tommy grabbed her hand lightly and said "It's just one song. Don't beat yourself up over it, alright?"

Jude nodded. "Thanks, Tommy."

Tommy gave her the look she'd always thought of as _her_ look, and her legs almost turned to goo. "That's what I'm here for."

.

A couple hours later, they were going through her most recent song journal, which she'd retrieved from her apartment. Jude was flipping through and Tommy was looking over her shoulder.

"Woah woah woah. What's this?" He said, placing a hand in the book to keep her from turning the page again.

"Hmm. Just a couple lines. It might have been something I thought of when I was falling asleep and wrote down, or I just got interrupted."

"'leaving you was easy but missing you is hell'" Tommy read. "That's good, Harrison. A really good line."

Jude looked at him. "You think?"

Tommy nodded. "Yeah. It's one of those lines you just... feel, you know? It packs a punch."

Jude bit her lip. "Yeah, well. You could say that." She laughed, the sound tinged with bitterness. "You think we could turn it into something?"

"I know we can."

Jude grinned. "Do you want to write a new song with me, Tommy?"

"I've been wanting to for a long time, girl." Tommy said, smiling. "Turn the page."

.

It was strangely comfortable to fall back into the pattern of writing with Tommy. They spoke to each other in song, and it felt so natural, Jude could scarcely believe it had been over a year since they'd done it. _Like riding a bike_, she mused.

Tommy liked to write melody first, then words. Jude was less methodical about it, and often wrote the two together. As it was, Tommy blocked chords on the guitar, gave her something to work with, and she closed her eyes and let the song bubble up. "wake up with a cage around me" she sang slowly "my heart is in a knot, my lashes getting cut" Tommy nodded, and she wrote it down.

"It's fake" Tommy responded "I hate you" he looked at her, and she felt the words like a slap, shame and sorrow washing through her. "Tommy..." she whispered, and he offered her the smallest of smiles. She bit her lip and wrote his lyrics. Glancing back over the words for a rhythm and rhyme scheme, she sang "I hate you/for everything you did/the fight we never fought" she pictured his face, betrayal etched into his expression as she said she needed to do it alone. "Shake it off" she continued. "Denial." he said in reply, raising his eyebrows. She pursed her lips and said "Everyone can always see anyway. Heartbreak's not easy to cover up." She thought of how she wore sunglasses to cover her puffy eyes, how she filled journals with songs about it until it very nearly threatened her career.

"Everyone can tell..." Tommy sang and trailed off.

Jude tapped her pencil against the book. "Everyone can tell this girl's not doing well" she hummed the last few bars then sang "get up, get going"

"Cause leaving you was easy"

"But missing you is hell" Jude whispered.

"This is gold, Jude."

She smiled a little sadly. "You've always been my best inspiration."

.

Within the hour they had a hook, a title, and harmonies. "How do you want the accompaniment?" Tommy asked. "Drums? I could actually see strings on this if you want."

Jude shook her head. "Keep it simple. Maybe some brushes as far as percussion, but mostly guitar, keyboard, and the harmonies in the background. Keep the vocals and the words the focus."

Tommy nodded "I'll chart it tonight and we can get musicians in here on Friday."

"No. I'm playing guitar, and you're playing piano." He laughed at her commanding tone and she said "It wouldn't mean as much if it was someone else."

Tommy took a deep breath, then nodded. "You got it, girl."

.

"We really didn't think this through, you know." Tommy said as they walked out of the studio together into the twilight, having spent the remainder of the day on nitpicking things in other songs.

"Think what through?"

"This, me, co-producers. I'm staying in a hotel, I don't have a way to get around... Until this morning I was just visiting, and now..."

Jude bit her lip, realizing he was right. "You could stay with me." She said, without thinking.

Tommy choked a little on that thought, coughing. "Yeah, I'm sure Alexander would be thrilled about that."

"Fine. Point taken. But Alex has his own flat, and... I don't know. Actually, I could ask Nicola. It's part of her job to find people places to live."

Tommy considered that. "That actually sounds like a good idea."

"It's been known to happen occasionally, believe it or not." She said sarcastically. "I'll ask her tomorrow."

"Perfect."

.

And with that, it all became real. He was there with her, back in her life. She began–as if she hadn't already– to spend more and more of her time with Tommy, and less and less of her time at home. When they weren't working, they were having lunch together, or she was helping him move into his new apartment or going with him to buy a motorcycle, or they were hanging out at NoteWorthy playing music for hours (on these days, she usually told Alex they were "rehearsing," even though that wasn't precisely true.)

Just as she had for years, she began to live for their hours in the studio. They would get lost for hours in the music, lose track of time. She slowly realised how much of her music was still about him. Even songs that she hadn't written with him in mind seemed to become for him as they worked on them.

Though she wouldn't have admitted it, Jude had to remind herself to spend time with Alex, remind herself to kiss him goodbye before she left in the morning, and to ask how his day was at night. It wasn't that she cared about him any less. It was just that the album was due so soon, and with adding Tommy in so late in the game, they needed to spend more time working than she would ordinarily have needed to.

She was just working a lot. That was all.

Really.

* * *

><p><strong>AN (again! sorry): **The first song in this chapter (the one Tommy sings) is (mildly modified) Before The Worst by The Script (apparently Adele exists in this universe but The Script doesn't? Shhh, don't question it. Or the fact that an arrangement of that song with just keyboard and acoustic guitar would be really odd) and the lyrics of the one they write are from Wings of a Dove by the lovely Alexz Johnson (who definitely doesn't exist in this universe, because then Jude would have a freakishly exact Canadian actress/singer doppelganger... O.o)


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: **I HAVE RETURNED! This chapter and the next chapter used to be one, but I split them up because it was too many things going on in one chapter, and so now this one is short. Oh well.

* * *

><p>Tommy looked down at his phone, which he had on silent, sitting on the corner of the sound board. A light in the corner was blinking orange, indicating he'd missed a call. "Hey, Jude, can I take a break? I just need to see who this is."<p>

"Yeah, sure." She responded distractedly, concentrating on the computer screen. It had been a week since they'd started working together, and they'd made really good progress.

"Okay. Be right back. Try to fix that bass." He reached across her to grab his phone and left the room.

Jude nodded, and continued working on the song by herself for about twenty minutes before wondering where he was and going out to look for him. "Hey Danny." she asked the drummer as he went towards studio 2 "Have you seen my co-producer? He disappeared."

He turned to look at her. "Tommy? Yeah. Nora's office."

"Why would he need to talk to Nora?"

"Not sure, but he didn't look so good."

"Why? What happened? Is he okay?"

"I dunno. Sorry."

She sighed. "Okay. Thanks."

He nodded and went to record. Jude sat and waited impatiently for Tommy to come out. When he did, Jude saw what Danny had meant about him not looking so good. He was frowning only slightly, but he was pale and looked sort of numb, like he wasn't really seeing anything he was looking at.

"Tommy, what's wrong? What did Nora want?" she asked, rushing to him and putting a hand on his arm. He flinched away, looking past her when he answered.

"Nothing. I'm fine. I'm going to be gone for a few days."

"You're leaving? Why? What happened?"

"Nothing." He snapped.

"Tell me." She said softly, reaching a hand up to his face. He pushed it away, still looking over her shoulder rather than at her face.

"We can record the vocals for the last two songs when I get back, but try to do as much as you can yourself. We have five left to finish mixing."

"Tommy!" Jude grabbed his face and forced him to look at her. "Tell me what's wrong!"

He removed her hands, glaring at her. "It's _nothing_."

"Is this because of me?" She asked.

"No!" Tommy finally shouted. "Despite your best efforts, there are other things in my life besides you! It's none of your goddamn business!"

Jude jerked back as if he'd hit her. People were staring.

"Humor me." He said severely. "For once just pretend you're a professional, okay? I'll see you when I get back." He turned and walked out. Jude stood with her mouth open for a few seconds, hands balled into fists at her sides. How dare he? How _dare_ he? 'Pretend you're a professional?' What was that even supposed to mean?

"Lovers quarrel?" someone called from behind her, snickering.

She ignored the comment, bursting into her boss's office. "What was that about?" she cried.

Nora looked calmly up at Jude over her reading glasses. "What?"

"Tommy! Where is he going? What happened?"

Her boss looked back to the document she'd been reading. "That's private."

"To hell with privacy! My co-producer just ditched me two weeks before my album deadline, and I want to know why!"

Nora looked back up at her, getting irritated now. "He had something personal he needed to take care of, and that's all I'm going to say. He'll be back in three or four days. He assured me you could work on the album yourself until then, and I agreed. There's a reason I let you produce yourself, and that's because I know you're a professional. Go. I'm busy, and so are you." She made a shooing gesture, and gave Jude a look that told her that this was not up for discussion. Jude threw her hands into the air with an exasperated noise, turned, and stormed back to the studio.

.

She sat and worked until 6:30 when they had originally planned to leave, steaming mad. When she got home, Alex noticed her scowl and asked "Did something happen?"

"Tommy." She grumbled. "He called me unprofessional, humiliated me, and stormed off to go be mysterious for three days." She threw her keys down on the table.

"'To go be mysterious?'" Alex asked "What does that mean?"

"He's leaving town and wouldn't tell me why. Nora just said he had 'something to take care of'."

"And you don't have any idea what it was? He didn't say anything? You're sure?"

She shook her head. Alexander said something else, comforting her, but she wasn't listening. She started to really think it through for the first time. What could he possibly need to take care of two weeks before her album was due that he wouldn't share with her? Why would he get so mad? What had that phone call been about? _His family_, she realized, thinking back to the last time Tommy had yelled at her and then left town. Her heart sank. _Something must have happened._ She immediately felt guilty for being so angry. "Shit." She muttered.

"What?" Alex asked.

"I have to go." She said.

"Go where? You just got home."

"Something bad must have happened. He wouldn't do that without a reason. I need to go check to make sure he's okay."

"I thought you were mad at him."

"I was, but if something really bad happened..."

"But you said he humiliated you."

She shook her head, brushing it off. "I overreacted."

Alex frowned, the familiar jealous anger building up in him again. "So you're running back to him. Again."

Jude gave him a strange look. "It's not like that. I need to make sure he's okay."

"That's not your job! He can take care of himself!"

She raised an eyebrow. "It's not your job to tell me what I can and cannot do."

"Fine." Alex sighed, giving up. "Just don't..." he trailed off and shook his head.

"Don't what?"

"Don't forget that you have a fiancé at home waiting for you." he said, exasperated.

She blinked as if she didn't understand what he meant. "Why would I do that?"

Alex gave her a look, but she just stared at him. "Right." he muttered after a long moment, handing her her keys and kissing her forehead. "I love you."

"I know." She turned and walked to the door. "You too."

"I'm having lunch with Maren tomorrow." He said when her hand was on the knob, a futile attempt to make her jealous.

She didn't look back, just said "Okay. Have fun." and walked out.


	17. Chapter 17

Jude pounded on Tommy's door. "Open the door, Tom. I know you're in there." When she still didn't get any response she shouted "I swear I will break it down! Tommy!"

She pounded harder until she heard him unlock the door. He opened it and said "Like you could break this door." She could smell the alcohol on him. He was clearly smashed, leaning against the door frame, his words slurring, clothes a mess. "Tommy." She breathed "What the hell happened?" She pushed the door open wider. "Oh, God" the apartment was trashed, things knocked over, empty bottles next to the couch.

"Sorry." Tommy slurred.

She turned back to look at him, noticing blood on his shirt. She gasped when she picked up his right hand and saw that it was bleeding and swollen, filled with what appeared to be bits of glass. "Tommy, what did you do?"

"Mirror's broken." He mumbled.

"Oh, God." She said again, and sighed. "Lets get you cleaned up, okay?" He nodded, and she pulled his arm over her shoulders, helping him to the kitchen and sitting him down at the table. "Do you have a first aid kit?" He pointed to the bathroom, and she nodded. "Stay here, alright?" She placed a hand on the side of his face, stroking his cheek with her thumb, and he pressed her hand there with his uninjured hand, looking up at her with sad eyes. "Okay." He slurred. She nodded and pulled her hand back, leaving him and going to grab the first aid kit.

When she came back, she sterilized her tweezers in rubbing alcohol and began carefully removing glass from his hand and placing it in a bowl. "Are you going to tell me what happened?" She asked as she did. "You're obviously not okay." Tommy just shook his head and looked away. "Tommy." She said quietly, pausing to look at him. "Who was it on the phone earlier?"

"Tristan." He mumbled.

"Was it about your mom?"

He nodded.

"Is she okay?"

He inhaled sharply. "No."

"What happened?"

"He said no one could've seen it coming. An aneurism. She died this morning." He clenched his fists and then winced at the pain in the injured hand.

"Oh, Tommy, I'm so sorry." She breathed.

"It's my fault." he said, his voice breaking.

"No." She said firmly. "It's no one's fault."

"I wished..." his voice was just a whisper, and she had to strain to hear. "I wished she was dead. I used to all the time."

"That does _not_ mean it was your fault."

"What kind of person wishes his mother was dead?" His voice was tight with self-loathing.

Jude stared at him for a moment before answering, biting her lip. His eyes were red and watery. He looked lost, broken. "The kind whose mother abused him." She said softly.

He let out a bitter laugh. "I deserved it. I was a terrible son."

Jude's heart broke at that, and she shook her head emphatically. "_No._ You were just a kid, Tommy. No one deserves what she did to you." It occurred to her that she didn't actually _know_ what his mom had done. He'd never actually told her anything except that she'd been an alcoholic, but from the level of verbal abuse she'd witnessed when she'd followed Tommy to New Brunswick, and the way he reacted any time his childhood was brought up, Jude knew she wasn't wrong.

Tommy looked at his injured hand. "This is the wrist she broke." he said quietly. "I was nine, and I dropped a glass and it shattered. She was drunk. She screamed at me and then grabbed my hand and twisted until it crunched, and then passed out on the couch while I cried. I went to the neighbors and told them I fell. There's no way they believed me. They knew how she was when she drank. But they took me to the hospital." Jude found herself speechless, unable to respond. He continued. "She stayed sober the whole time I wore that cast because she felt guilty." He shook his head slowly. "She wasn't all bad, you know. It's not like she hurt me all the time, and she never touched Tristan. She loved Tristan. And she's my mom. Was my mom." he pulled away from her then, pushing violently away from the table and pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, but he stumbled and knocked over the chair.

"Hey hey hey, come on." Jude said, grabbing his wrists and pulling his hands away from his face. "Look at me. Look at me. It's alright. You're okay. Let me fix that hand. It's okay. Come on." She picked up the chair and he sat back down. She took his hand again and continued picking the glass out of it, humming Good Night by The Beatles, which had always been the song her dad sang to her when she'd had nightmares as a child.

"You're too good for me." He said after a minute.

"Stop." She scolded. "You know I hate when you do that." She looked him firmly in the eyes. "You are a good person, Tom."

He shook his head. "I was a terrible boyfriend."

"No you weren't." She said resolutely. "You made some mistakes, but so did I. I never once regretted choosing you, and I never will."

"You left." He argued.

"Yes. I left. But I..." She sighed and looked back to his injury. "That wasn't your fault. It had nothing to do with you, really. You have to stop blaming yourself. Please." He looked away and didn't say anything more, but she wasn't sure if it was because he believed her, or if he had just given up on arguing. She examined his hand and said "I got out all the glass. I have to wash it and wrap it in gauze. You should probably put ice on it too. Come on." She pulled him to the sink. When the cuts were reasonably clean, she bandaged his hand and got ice from the freezer, putting it in a plastic bag and telling him to hold it against the injury. She helped him over to the couch. He reached for a half-empty bottle of something that looked like scotch, and she gently took it from him. "No. No more." She took it and poured it into the sink, bringing him a glass of water. "Drink." he did so obediently, and she refilled the glass for him a few times before sitting down next to him. He laid his head on her shoulder, and she didn't move him, just stroked his hair. "When do you leave?"

"Flight's at two."

"Did you pack?"

"Mmhmm." he was slumped against her now, his breathing slowing.

"You should sleep." She said after a minute. "Let me help you to bed, okay?" she took the ice from him and helped him to his room, taking off his belt and his blood-stained shirt, successfully ignoring her body's reaction to the sickly familiar sensation of his skin under her fingers. He pulled clumsily at her shirt, kissing her along the jawline, but she ignored her reaction to that too, gently placing his hands at his sides and saying. "Tommy, no." She got him into bed, pulling the blankets up over him. He laid his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes. She turned to leave but he grabbed her hand, struggling to sit up. "Don't go. Please." he pleaded, eyes wide.

She looked at him. He looked so completely defenseless, laying there, so different from the Tommy who put up walls around his emotions, and it triggered a protectiveness she'd forgotten she possessed. She sighed and sat beside him on the bed. "Alright. I'll stay for a little bit. Just lay back."

He looked at her, bleary-eyed, still holding her hand. "I love you." The words were slurred, and Jude knew he wouldn't remember tomorrow, but she felt a jolt through her chest, like a fist squeezing her heart. "I know." She whispered.

.

She sat there until he fell asleep, then carefully unclasped their hands and left the room. She remembered Alex when she saw her purse on the counter, and grabbed her phone. He'd called six times, and sent four texts. "Where are you?" He snapped when he answered the phone.

"I'm at Tommy's." She said, too tired and emotionally wrung out to fight with him.

"Still?" he sounded furious.

"Look, Alex, his mom died."

"Oh no." The anger in his voice evaporated, replaced with sympathy "Is he okay?"

"Not really. He got drunk and punched a mirror. I had to bandage up his hand."

Alex tried not to be angry. After all, the man had just lost his mother. But the image of Jude playing Florence Nightingale made the jealous anger rear up in him again. He forced it back. "Are you coming home?"

"I want to..." She hesitated, and Alexander's stomach plummeted. "I need to stay and make sure he's okay. He has to fly home tomorrow. We'll take a cab to the airport."

That was too much. "You're going _with him_?"

"Not to New Brunswick. Just making sure he gets to the airport." She said in a tired voice "Alex, I'm not going to fight with you about Tommy right now."

"Fine. Do whatever you want. Spend the night with someone else. Just take for granted that I'll be here the next day."

"I am _not_ 'spending the night' with him! You're making it sound like we're here sneaking around behind your back. His mom just died, and I'm making sure he's okay, that he gets to the airport. He's _asleep_. But he... He needs me. He needs someone, okay? Please, just... I have to stay."

"And what if I need you?" His voice cracked, and Jude felt a twinge of guilt.

"You don't." she sighed again and thought _you'd probably be better off without me._ "I'll make it up to you. Somehow. I promise. Come on, we're getting married, right? I love you, okay? I _love you_."

"I wish that were easier to believe."

"It's_ true_, Alex!" She found herself needing to make him believe it, so she just started rambling. "I love... Alex, I love that you're so smart, and how excited you were to try to learn guitar, and I love that you cook for me, and that you always say 'I love you more' and mean it. I love that you're so nice to Nora even when she treats you like crap. I love you for that time when we were eating lunch and you gave half of your sandwich to that kid who came up asking for change, and I love the way you always run your hands through your hair when you're nervous, and the way you close your eyes when you're listening to music, and how cute you are with your niece, and how you brought me soup when I had swine flu. And what I love the most about you is that, more than anyone else I've ever known, I can trust you completely and totally when you tell me you love me." She'd surprised herself with the speech, and the sincerity of the emotion behind it, and they sat in silence for a minute. "Alex?" she asked quietly.

"I'm here." He said.

"Are you going to say anything?"

"I can't top that." he laughed. "I'm sorry I didn't trust you, Jude."

"I'm sorry I'm hard to trust."

"No. You're fine." He said. "Perfect."

Jude thought of the way Alexander was completely wiped from her mind the minute Tommy needed her, and the way her heart leapt when Tommy smiled at her, and the way electricity shot through her veins when they touched, and how whether they were screaming at each other or making music or laughing or kissing, it had always taken her whole heart. It was completely different than the way she felt about Alex, who was sweet, wonderful, but safe. "I'm far from perfect, but thanks anyway."

"I hope Tommy's okay. I'm sorry about what I said earlier. You're a good friend to him."

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Jude, you should sleep. You sound exhausted."

"It's been a really long day." Jude agreed, yawning. "I'll see you tomorrow after work, okay?"

"I'll cancel on Maren and take you for lunch. I only made the date because I thought I could make you jealous."

"No. You should go. And you're too trustworthy to make me jealous."

"Should I be less trustworthy?" He joked.

"No." She said decisively. "Uh-uh."

"Jude?" He laughed.

"Mmhmm?"

"Go to sleep."

"Mmmm."

"Goodnight"

"I love you."

"I love you more."

He hung up and she whispered "I know."

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><p>Awwwww drunk Tommy and his sad puppy dog eyes (I can't be the only one who noticed them in all of the Tommy is drunk scenes)<p> 


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N:** *gasp* It's chapter 18, which, incidentally, I'm uploading on my 18th birthday!

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><p>The next morning, Jude called Nora to tell her she'd be in to work a little late, explaining that she had to take Tommy to the airport. She then called Alex and left a message to assuage the guilt she felt despite not having technically done anything wrong, before going to wake Tommy up. She tried to do it as gently as she could, stroking his hair, but he was out cold, and she ended up needing to shake him, sitting on the edge of his bed. "Tommy, wake up. It's 11:30."<p>

When he finally woke up, he was disoriented for a moment, sitting up and grabbing his head "Ack. What the hell?" Then his eyes focused on her. "Jude?" his face filled with dread "Oh my God, what did we do?"

Jude was surprised. "Us? Nothing! Why would we have– You don't remember?"

"No. But we didn't–"

"God no! Nothing like that."

"But..." She saw it come back to him, watched it crash down. He slumped forward, head in his hands, muttering something in French. When he lifted his head, he looked at his bandaged hand, confused. "What happened to my hand?"

"Oh. You kind of... punched a mirror. You were pretty drunk. I cleaned up the glass. You don't remember?"

He furrowed his eyebrows, trying to remember, and said "Maybe vaguely. You did that?" he asked, referring to the bandage.

"Yeah."

"Jude Harrison to the rescue." he muttered, then said "I'm sorry. What did I say?"

She thought of his 'I love you', and her chest tightened. "Nothing. You told me what happened."

He nodded. "Nothing else?"

"You... told me she broke your wrist when you were nine."

He looked embarrassed. "Sorry."

"No. I'm glad you told me."

"She wasn't– It wasn't like that all the time." He said emphatically "I just don't want you to think..."

"It's fine, Tommy. I get it. Are you okay?"

"Yeah." He rubbed his eyes. "I just can't believe she's..." He shook his head and stood up, walking towards the bathroom.

"It's not your fault." She said quietly.

He turned, surprised. "What?"

"You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened with your mom. It wasn't your fault. Any of it. It really wasn't."

"How did you..." He stared for a long moment before nodding slowly. "Thanks."

"It's what I'm here for."

.

"Are you okay?" Jude asked as they stood outside the airport security line.

"I don't want to do this." He admitted.

"I'm here, alright? You can call me whenever. If you need someone."

"I know."

"I'll let you know what I'm working on with the last few songs, too, if you want. Not that I _can't _handle it by myself, but if you wanted to know."

He nodded, and then added, guiltily "I know you can handle it. I'm sorry I said what I did yesterday at the studio, Jude."

She waved a hand dismissively. "I know you didn't mean it."

"Thanks for... Just thanks."

Jude nodded. "Anytime."

"I'll be back on Saturday."

"And you're sure they don't need you for longer?"

"Tristan and Selena said they can take care of everything." He laughed bitterly. "No one ever wanted me there when she was alive, why should things change?" Jude lifted a hand and placed it gently on the side of his face. He pressed it there with his left hand for a moment, as he had the night before.

"I'll be here on Saturday then." She said. He nodded, and looked over his shoulder at the line for security, frowning, dreading leaving. "Come here." Jude said, and hugged him. He held her tightly for longer than was probably okay before letting go and joining the queue.

On the way to work, Jude couldn't stop replaying the previous night in her head, the way Tommy looked at her, defenses completely down for the first time in a long time, and told her that he loved her. The emotions that brought to the surface were getting harder to ignore, and no rambled professions of love could convince Alex– or Jude– for forever.

... ... ... ... ... ...

"How's school?" Alex asked Maren as they ate lunch later that day.

"It's good." Maren smiled. She started to tell him more, but it became clear he wasn't really paying attention. "And there's one really irritating divinity bloke in my philosophy lecture. Arrogant, self-righteous, you know the type." No reaction. "So I've decided to kill him and drink his blood." She said nonchalantly. Alex just sat frowning into his food. "Lexi!" she cried.

"What?" He asked, looking up. "I was listening!" She gave him a skeptical look, and he sighed. "I'm sorry, Mare."

"What's wrong?"

"Why would something be wrong?"

"Come on. I know you better than that. You haven't been listening to a word I've said, there are dark circles under your eyes, you've checked your phone about a hundred times since I got here... What are you so worried about?"

"Nothing. I'm not worried, just tired."

"_Lexi._" She warned.

"What?"

"Tell me."

"It's nothing!"

She grabbed a packet of sugar and threw it at him. "_Tell me._"

"What are you doing?"

"Tell me!" she said, throwing another packet, hitting him in the forehead.

"Gah! There's nothing wrong!"

She grabbed the salt and held it up threateningly. "I'll do it."

"Mare, put the salt down."

"Tell me what's wrong, then I will."

"Maren..." he warned.

"Alexander..." She mimicked.

"Fine! Just give me that." He held out his hand, and she put the salt shaker in it, looking at him expectantly. He put down the salt and sighed. "It's this damned Quincy thing."

Maren raised her eyebrows. "Quincy thing? Last time we talked it was 'not a problem' and now it's 'this damned Quincy thing'? What happened?"

"Jude..." Alex hesitated "spent the night at his flat last night."

"She _what?_" Maren gasped.

"No, no. It wasn't like that. His mum died yesterday, and I guess he got sloshed and somehow managed to hurt himself. She said she needed to make sure he was okay. Said she was just being a good friend."

"But you think it's more than that? You think something happened?"

"No. I trust her, it's just... I can't figure it out. She tells me she loves me. Tells me _why_ she loves me, even. And I believe her, but..." He trailed off, looking away. "Jude's always been a little... distant, I guess. She sort of lives inside her head. I always figured that was just how she was, that she was just thinking about work or writing a song or something, and I'm fine with that. But when she's with Quincy..." Maren was frowning. "Mare, it's like he has a key to a part of her that I don't get. Everything disappears for her when he's around. And he's good-looking, and charming, and, like,_ mysterious_, or something. Like he has this pain inside that I think she wants to take away." Alex was getting more and more worked up, wringing his hands. "And he loves her. You can see it when he talks to her, and when he _touches _her. When he thinks she's not looking, he'll just watch her with this sort of lost, pathetic _longing. _I'd like to punch him for it, but it's not his fault. Jude must know about it, she has to see..." He put his head in his hands. "I can't compete."

"You shouldn't have to!" Maren shouted, exasperated. Alex looked up in surprise. "Look, Lexi," She grabbed his hand across the table and squeezed it gently "this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I think you should end this with Jude. It's clearly not working for either of you."

Alex pulled his hand back, angry. "You don't know anything about it. You don't know Jude."

"Maybe not, but I know you, remember? I know how it is to be with you, and–"

"Is that what this is about? Mare, I know I hurt you, but that was years ago!"

"What? No, that's not what this is about! I moved on ages ago. I was engaged, for God's sake."

"Your relationship didn't work out so neither should mine? Is that it?"

"No! Listen to me. What I was trying to say is that I know you. I know how much you care about her. I know that you've given her everything. You're so, so good to her. If she doesn't appreciate it... you need to end it. You don't deserve that."

"I don't deserve to be with Jude? You're saying she's out of my league?" Alex asked, hurt.

Anger flashed in Maren's eyes at his selective hearing. How could that be what he thought she meant? "No, you idiot! I'm saying _you're_ out of _hers_! You. Deserve. Better." Maren shook her head, reaching for her wallet. "She's going to break your heart, Lexi. Call me when you come to your senses." She slammed a few notes down on the table and stalked out of the restaurant, leaving a stunned Alexander in her wake.

... ... ... ... ... ...

That evening when Jude got home, Alex was sitting on the couch with his computer and staring dejectedly into space.

"What's wrong, babe?" She asked, giving him a kiss and sitting next to him.

"Nothing." He sighed. "I had a fight with Maren."

"Why, what happened?"

"I don't know! She just stormed out on me!"

"Out of nowhere?"

"Well... not quite nowhere, I guess."

"What were you guys talking about?"

He rolled his eyes "It's not a big deal."

"Really? Because it seems like it's a big deal."

He sighed. "I said something that made her angry."

Jude laughed. "_You? _I can't imagine you insulting someone. Especially not Maren."

"I didn't _insult_ her, Jude. I just..."

Jude's phone vibrated in her pocket and she grabbed it. "Sorry babe. I have to answer this."

"We were talking about you." He said, but she was back to not listening.

"Tommy, hey." She said into the phone. "How are you? What's going on?"

"She told me I should break up with you. That you're going to hurt me." Alex said, the familiar frustration rising in his chest.

Jude looked at him, said "one sec" into her phone and asked "Sorry babe. What were you saying? Who's hurt?"

"No one. What does _he_ want?" He snapped.

"Alex, I told him he could call me if he needed to talk. Plus we need to talk about the album. The deadline is in two weeks. Please don't do that. I'm sorry about Maren. I'm sure she'll come around." She smiled at him and put the phone back to her ear. "Sorry, Tom. How are you holding up?" She listened, biting her lip. "Is there anything I can do?" She listened again. "Sure, yeah. Do you have internet? I snuck the files for Where Do You Go and Forgotten out on a flash drive, and I could send them to you... Yeah, okay. Let me go grab my computer. I'll get on skype. Alright." He said something that made her smile. "So hit me with music..." she sang "I can't believe you're quoting Bob Marley at me. You're such a music nerd." His response made her laugh. "Fair enough. I'll be online in like a minute." She kissed Alex on the cheek and got up, going to her music room and shutting the door.

Alex stared after her, then looked down at his phone, at the text he'd sent Maren. "Mare, I'm sorry. Talk to me." He sighed, put away his phone, and went back to his laptop, feeling suddenly very alone.

... ... ... ... ... ...

Tommy came back the next Saturday. As promised, Jude met him at the airport. Despite the effort she made to be nonchalant– just picking up a friend and coworker from the airport– her heart leapt when she saw him. "Tom!" She shouted through the crowd, waving. He was walking with his head down, looking tired and dejected, but he looked up at the sound of her voice, and a smile spread across his face. When he reached her he let go of his suitcase and immediately folded her into his arms, hugging her tightly. She held on, taking in the smell of hair gel mixed with the faint smell of cigarette smoke– the latter a smell she hadn't smelled on him for a long time. He wanted to say "You have no idea how much I missed you" but it seemed like that would be crossing a line, so he just said "hey." and let her go.

"Hey. How are you? How was... home?"

"Home." Tommy repeated, like the word tasted bad. "It was..."

"Total shit?"

Tommy laughed. "Sure. That."

Jude gave him a sympathetic look. "Sorry."

Tommy shrugged. "It could have been worse. I was expecting it to be worse."

"Want to talk about it?" Tommy shook his head, and Jude asked "You sure?"

Tommy nodded and changed the subject "Are you going into work today?"

"Yeah. I told Nora I was picking you up, but I have to go in later. She's not expecting you until tomorrow afternoon, though."

"Actually, I want to go in."

"You don't have to."

"Harrison." He said, grabbing his suitcase and beginning to walk. "Getting back in that studio with you is just about the only thing I've wanted to do since I left. Give me a half an hour to shower and change, and I'll come in with you."

"Alright, if you're sure."

"Positive."

"Perfect" She smiled.

It wasn't until hours later when they were almost ready to record vocals that she heard Tommy's voice in her headphones say quietly. "I really missed you, Jude."

She looked at him through the glass. Their eyes met for a moment, his expression soft and dark and longing, and her traitorous heart skipped a beat. She opened her mouth to say she'd missed him too, but before she could he started the playback of the song, looking back at the computer screen.

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><p>Guess what! Reviews make good birthday presents!<p> 


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: **This chapter begins the end. (if that makes sense?) So for all of you getting impatient, the next few chapters are the big ones.

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><p>"So" Jude asked after they finished mixing the second to last song on the album a few days later. "What are you doing tonight Quincy?"<p>

He didn't look at her as he answered "Nothing. Watching TV, probably."

Jude snorted. "Not a chance."

Tommy turned to face her and raised one eyebrow.

"You didn't actually think I would forget your birthday!"

Tommy groaned. "_I_ was trying to forget!"

Jude crossed her arms. "Tommy. It's your _birthday_! You _have_ to do something!"

"I haven't celebrated _most_ of my birthdays. Why should this one be different?"

"Because you have _me_ to celebrate with!" she looked at him with a "duh" expression on her face. "Last week kind of sucked. Don't you want a night to party?" When he just laughed and shook his head, she changed tactics, looking at him from under her eyelashes. "Please Tommy?" It was _that_ look. The look she used sometimes when she really wanted something from him, her lips pouted slightly, eyes wide and innocent from under thick lashes. As often as Tommy had seen that look in the years he'd known Jude, he'd somehow never grown immune. She was playing dirty, and she knew it.

Tommy groaned again. "Harrison!" he whined.

"Quincy!" she replied, imitating his tone. "Come on. It'll be fun, I promise. Pleeeease?" She begged, a full on pout on her face.

Tommy resisted a little bit longer before he gave in, grumbling "Fine."

A brilliant smile broke across Jude's face. "Yes!"

"Isn't your fiancé" he said the words with his usual hint of mocking tone "going to be expecting you, though?"

Jude was unperturbed. "I'll call and tell him something came up."

Tommy arched one eyebrow. "Wow, Harrison. Already with the deceit?"

Jude was, again, unfazed. "Who said anything about deceit?" and then "It's not going to work. I _will_ take you out for your birthday."

"Dammit." Tommy muttered. "So, what _fun_ activity are we going to be doing this evening?" he asked sarcastically.

"We" Jude said with a grin "are going clubbing."

Tommy had to laugh. "You sure you can handle it, Harrison?"

Jude frowned. "Please! I'm not fifteen anymore. I'm twenty-one already. _I_ am a _woman_."

Tommy laughed again. "Don't I know it. Fine. You win. I'm out of excuses."

Jude smiled even wider and Tommy ignored his heart as it sped up. "see you in 45 minutes then." Jude said.

Tommy quickly checked his reflection in his phone screen, and shook his head. "Make it an hour."

Jude looked at him quizzically.

"Like I'm going out with my hair like this. As if."

She rolled her eyes. "God, you're worse than half the models I know, Tommy. Fine. An hour. Don't even _think_ about not showing up!"

"I wouldn't dare" Tom muttered wryly. "You're gonna be the death of me, Harrison."

He smiled at her and she laughed and said "There are worse ways to go, babe."

"There are." He responded, stepping forward and threading his fingers gently through her hair. Her eyelids fluttered briefly shut at the contact, and she took another step towards him, placing her hands on his chest, fingers splayed. Tommy concentrated on breathing, and keeping the smile on his face. His hands slid through her hair, to her shoulders. Her hands slid across his chest, she lifted one to stroke the scar in the middle of his forehead with her fingers. The painful electric tension was palpable again. Their faces were close enough that he could feel her breath on his lips. But she was the one leaning closer, not him, placing a hand on the side of his face and whispering "happy birthday Tommy." Her fingers felt like they were drawing lines of fire down his torso. He was frozen. He couldn't... think...

Jude suddenly kissed him on the cheek and spun away from him, slipping her guitar into her gig bag, zipping it and slinging it over her shoulder with a motion she'd repeated a thousand times. Tommy blinked once, twice.

"See you in an hour." she smiled faintly, wiggled her fingers in a wave, and turned, disappearing out the door, leaving it open. Tommy watched her with a frown, rubbing a hand across his jaw. "You're a tease, Harrison. You know that." he said matter-of-factly, knowing she was still within earshot.

Jude frowned, but didn't turn, pretending not to hear.

.

When she called Alex, she got his voicemail. "Hey, babe. I'm not going to be home until late tonight. We're so close to being done with this thing, and Nora's breathing down our necks. Don't wait up. Love you."

She should've felt guilty. Even though nothing she'd said was precisely a _lie_, she was still purposely deceiving the man she was supposed to be marrying. But it was just that... He was so...

That morning they'd fought, about something really stupid, and it had just been one more thing on top of many. She'd stormed off, and he'd caught her arm. "I'm sorry." he'd said softly, even though it wasn't his fault.

"Don't do that." she'd snapped, pulling her arm away. She was tried of him guilting her.

He'd looked confused. "Don't do what? Don't apologize?"

"Stop trying to make me feel guilty!"

"Guilty for _what?_" he was visibly beginning to get annoyed. "I didn't want you to leave angry, I apologized. If you're feeling guilty it's not because of anything I–" he'd cut himself off, shaking his head. "What's _wrong_ with you lately?" his frown told her he was starting to suspect she had reason to feel guilty.

She felt a little panicky at that thought, and it must have showed on her face, because Alex's frown deepened. "It's the album." She told him quickly. "With losing Rob, and bringing Tommy in, Nora's freaking out, and it's just... stressful."

He'd stared at her for a minute, then folded her into his arms, kissing the top of her head. "It'll be over soon."

Her heart kind of seized up when he said that, but she wasn't sure why. There were too many emotions in her to sort through, so she'd pushed them all away and given him a quick kiss and a nod.

Jude put her phone in her purse and grabbed her makeup bag. She wasn't _avoiding_ Alexander, she was just... choosing to spend time with Tommy instead. Not that that was much better, she admitted, but she would deal with it later. Tonight she'd let herself have fun.

... ... ... ... ... ...

"You're sure you're ready for this? Not getting too old?" Jude said about an hour and a half later. She was stunning. She had half-considered wearing a miniskirt, but had quickly decided against it (she knew well to avoid what Sadie would call "overdoing it" and what most people would call "dressing like a whore") and had chosen, instead, black skinny jeans, paired with high enough heels that she was almost as tall as Tommy, who had done a double take when he'd seen her (which is, of course, what she was going for). To avoid immediate recognition by paparazzi, Jude was also wearing a wig of chin-length black hair.

In response to Jude's joking query, Tommy said "28 is not old." and led her past the bouncer, who nodded to them. Tommy didn't look too bad himself, a fact that Jude kept noticing. He was wearing his leather jacket over a blue shirt and black jeans. Though it had changed a little over the years, Tommy had kept his bad boy look, and it was one that worked on him.

Jude's breath quickened as they walked down a short flight of stairs into a world of pounding music and flashing lights. Bodies pressed together, dancing. Tommy leaned down slightly, putting his mouth close to Jude's ear to be heard over the music. Her ear tingled where his lips brushed it. "How the hell do you find these places, Harrison?"

Jude turned, grinning. "Want a drink, Quincy?"

... ... ... ... ... ...

Jude giggled, her words slurring slightly. She hit Tommy on the shoulder as they stumbled up the stairs to her apartment "Why don't you go to your own apartment?"

"Because" Tommy said, reaching the top of the stairs before Jude and leaning against the wall by her door. He was drunk, but not quite as drunk as Jude, though he'd had more alcohol. "_someone's_ a little too drunk to walk up her own stairs" he laughed and reached out to catch her as she tripped over the top step. She leaned against him, wrapping her arms around his waist under his jacket and burying her face in his chest. "It's not my fault the ground is moving" came her muffled reply.

Tommy laughed and kissed the top of her head. At some point in the night they'd both lost the ability to care that they weren't supposed to be doing this. Jude let out a hum of contentment and lifted her head. Her wig was askew, tangled and falling off. Tommy laughed harder. Jude smacked him again and pulled off the wig, her own hair tumbling out onto her shoulders. She reluctantly slid her arms from around Tommy, opened her little purse, and took out her keys, fumbling with them. Tommy smirked as he watched her. He finally took them from her fingers, sliding the correct key into the lock. He hesitated before opening it, the lightness of the atmosphere disappearing. "Jude, is he–"

She nodded "probably."

He sighed. "Then I should go."

She looked pained and hugged him around the neck as tightly as she could. "I wish you could stay, but..." she trailed off.

"God, I hate this." He muttered. "Jude I wish you would just..."

She pulled back, placing a hand on his face. "It's complicated, Tommy." she whispered. She shut her eyes and pressed her lips gently to his. Tommy stood stock still, looking into her eyes when she opened them. "I can't. I'm so sorry" she whispered. Tommy sighed and closed his eyes. Moved his head so their foreheads and noses touched. "I know, girl."

Jude was shivering slightly with emotion and alcohol and the desire to throw herself against him, never let him go. "Happy birthday."

He rolled his forehead across hers for a minute, rubbing noses. "Thank you for making me come tonight."

Jude said nothing, just began to cry silently.

Tommy summoned his willpower, grabbed her hands and removed them from his neck. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jude. Okay? Everything will be... everything will be alright. Go inside. Go to bed."

She nodded, trying to compose herself. Her brain felt foggy and her head was pounding and her chest ached and she was trying desperately to stop crying. "Tommy, I lo–"

"No. Please." His voice cracked. "Don't... don't say that. It'll just make it worse if you aren't going to... Just don't, alright?" He kissed her on the forehead, unable to keep his lips from lingering there. He moved his lips to her cheek, to her jaw, to the corner of her mouth... Then he turned and walked down the stairs without looking back.

Jude had to sit outside her door for a minute and compose herself. She finally took a deep breath and slipped inside her apartment. To her chagrin, Alexander, who was asleep sitting up in a chair, his fingers still on his laptop keyboard, woke up when she tripped across the floor and dropped one of the heels she'd removed. "Jude?" he hissed. "What the hell? What time is it?"

"Like... three?" Jude said, unable to look ashamed.

"Where _were_ you? You told me you had to work." He closed the laptop and put it on the table beside him without looking away from her.

"I... did work. For a while. But there was... a party. Or something." Her words slurred horribly.

"Jude are you _drunk_?" His expression was a mix of shock, hurt, and anger.

Jude glared at him. "Yes, Alexander. I am drunk. Yes, I was out past midnight. No, I wasn't working the whole time. What do you want from me? I'm an adult. I can do what I want. You are _not_ my father."

Alex looked taken aback. "I didn't mean... I just didn't expect... I just... wanted to know where you were." He stammered "I know you're an adult. I wasn't trying to discipline you, I just... Jude, are you okay?" She looked really ill.

"No." She said, scowling "I'm going to bed, Alex. Please."

Alexander looked at his fiancée and knew, with sudden sickening revelation, where she'd been. With Tommy. He shook his head, his expression hardening into cold indifference. "Fine. It's late. I'll see you later, I guess. I'm going to my own flat for the rest of the night." He turned, walked to the doorway, grabbed his jacket and his keys, and walked out of the apartment, shutting the door with carefully controlled anger.

Jude groaned. She was completely, utterly trapped. There was a choice coming, and it terrified her. She started to cry again. After a minute of leaning on her kitchen counter, her sobbing turned to dry heaving and she ran to the bathroom and threw up, as much from emotion as from alcohol. After laying with her head resting on the cold porcelain for half an hour or so, she got up, dragged herself to her room, removed her jeans, and crawled into her bed, pulling her down comforter over her head and falling almost instantly asleep.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:** This is a pretty short chapter, but the next one is HUGE (not as in long, just as in it's a big deal), so they couldn't really be combined.

* * *

><p>Jude awoke to an awful taste in her mouth, and the feeling that something was pounding on the inside of her head with a hammer. She cursed, burying herself further under her covers. The sharp trilling that had woken her up sent another shooting pain through her head and she groaned. It was her phone. It rang four times, stopped briefly, and then rang again. And again. "Stop!" Jude begged. "please stop." When it didn't, she lifted the covers off her head and stumbled to her dresser. Mercifully, she'd had her bedroom curtains closed, so the sun wasn't making her headache even worse. She answered her cell phone and snapped "What?" into it.<p>

The voice on the other end sighed. "Girl, I know you've got a hangover, but Nora's about ready to kill someone. Namely you. You need to get down here. You're late for a sound check."

"Tommy? What time is it?" She asked groggily.

"It's about 4:40 in the afternoon."

Jude groaned. "Shit. How mad is she?"

"It's not as bad as it could be. You're only ten minutes late. But you need to get down here as soon as you can."

Jude looked down at herself, still wearing most of her clothes from last night. She reached up to touch her hair and found it was a horrifying mess of knots. "Tommy, I look like crap. I need to shower and try to get out some of the knots in my hair." she groaned again "and take a few thousand aspirin."

"Just get here as quick as you can. I'm doing what I can to stall. But, you know, I've got a killer headache too, and Nora yelling at me sure as hell doesn't help."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Just get your ass down here."

"Will do."

"'K."

He hung up and Jude took a sharp breath through her nose and held it for a few seconds, steeling herself to brave the sunlight.

After showering and dressing, Jude remembered that Alex had taken his car. She had to ride her motorcycle. She groaned, but put on her jacket, sunglasses, and helmet, and rode down to the gig location. It was mercifully cloudy, traffic wasn't terrible, and she got there a little over forty minutes after getting off the phone with Tommy.

Emily was waiting for her at the stage door, a security guy took her motorcycle and helmet, and Em handed her a glass of water and two aspirin. "You look like hell, Jude." she said sympathetically.

Jude laughed mirthlessly. "and I feel worse." She downed the aspirin and the rest of the water and looked at her friend gratefully. "You're a lifesaver Emily."

Emily patted her back and pulled her through a door to backstage. Tommy was yelling at someone about something involving a speaker, but turned when she walked onto the stage. He looked awful too, she noticed, dark circles under his eyes, his hand up to block the stage lights. "Finally" he muttered when she reached him.

"Thanks for waking me up, Tommy."

He looked at her, irritated. "It wasn't a favor, Jude. It's my job."

Jude bit her lip and looked ashamed. "I–"

Tommy's expression softened and he nodded. "Go. It's fine."

The sound check was brutal. Loud music and bright lights aren't exactly terrific for a headache like the one Jude had. But she suffered through it as professionally as she could.

"Miss Harrison." Nora said through clenched teeth after they were done. "I understand you like to go out and 'party like a rock star'." She said the phrase mockingly and Jude winced. "But I thought I made it perfectly clear that I didn't want you late for one concert, one day of recording, one sound check. In our business, there is never an excuse for being _this_ late to anything. I should fire you, and I will if it happens again." The threat stung, though Jude knew, of course, that it would take a lot more than a missed sound check for her to actually be released from her contract at this point in her fame.

"Nora, I'm–"

She put up a hand. "You were almost an hour late, Jude. It is what it is. Just take a nap or something before this concert tonight. You look exhausted."

Relief washed through Jude. "Will do. Thank you, Nora. I'm so sorry."

"And eat something. We can't have you collapsing on stage, the media would have a fit."

Jude nodded, and Nora gave Tommy a "take care of this" look, to which he responded with a dramatic sigh and a nod.

"That could have gone worse, I guess. You look awful, Jude." Tommy said when Nora had walked away.

"Yeah, well I feel fantastic, thanks." Jude said sarcastically, reaching her hand up and pinching the bridge of her nose, squeezing her eyes shut.

Tommy made a noise halfway between a laugh and a sigh and put a hand on her shoulder blade, rubbing her back lightly. He put his other hand under her chin and tilted her face up to look at him. "There's coffee and food and stuff in the green room off of the star's dressing room, if you want it. Couches too, if you want to sleep. You've got a couple hours before showtime. You sounded okay just now, but you've got to be top shape for tonight. C'mon. I'll show you."

The sight of the food in the little room back stage made Jude's stomach turn, but she forced herself to eat a couple strawberries and a few bites of a roll, as well as down two cups of water. She couldn't stop thinking about Alexander and how badly she was messing everything up. She refilled the coffee cup she'd already drained and sat down on a brown couch behind her, leaning her head back and groaning softly.

"You okay, girl?" Jude felt Tommy sit next to her.

"No."

"Want me to get you some aspirin?"

Jude looked up at him and shook her head. "It's not that. It's just... Alex..."

Tommy nodded, understanding. "So he was–"

"Furious."

"I'm..." He trailed off, unable to say "sorry" and mean it.

"It was my fault."

Tommy smiled. "No kidding. Was it worth it?"

Jude laughed and ran a hand through her hair. "Surprisingly, even with the headache, it actually was." _and that's the worst part_ she thought, grimly.

Tommy reached out and pushed a stray lock of hair behind Jude's ear "take a nap, girl. You've got a few hours until the concert." She nodded. He took the coffee cup from her and she curled up into a ball in the corner of the couch and shut her eyes, her expression relaxing and her breathing slowing down almost immediately. Tommy bit the inside of his cheek and put his head in his hands.

"Tom?" came Emily's voice from above him. A hand touched his back. He looked up. "We're all going out to eat, if you wanted to come. Label's paying. In the mood for sushi?"

Tommy rubbed his eyes, which ached. "Bring me back something? I'm going to try to–" he glanced at Jude and then quickly back at Emily. "I'm going to try to sleep."

Emily looked at him, solemnly. "You and Jude really overdid it last night, yeah?"

He thought of her tears, her lips on his, what he wouldn't let her say. "You could say that."

"Well, I'll bring you back some real food. I'll wake you up in about an hour." Emily bent down and kissed him on the cheek, then gave him a pitying look as she walked away. He laid his pounding head back on the couch and closed his eyes.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **There's a new review button, and it's PURPLE and BIG now (unless I'm hallucinating O.o). How can you possibly resist clicking on it to give this story a review?


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N:** Heeeeere's the big one... Enjoy!

* * *

><p>He woke to Emily shaking his shoulder lightly. He realized that at some point Jude had moved so her head was in his lap, her hand on his knee, his on her shoulder. He smiled in spite of himself and stroked the side of her sleeping face with the back of his fingers.<p>

Emily was looking down at them with her mouth pressed into a tight line. She handed him a Styrofoam container of food.

"Tom" she whispered. "What are you doing? She's engaged. You can't... do this." She looked pointedly at his hand on Jude's hair, and he pulled it back.

He glared at her. "You don't think I know that? You think I want to be hurting myself like this?" he snapped, much too loudly. Jude woke up with a start and looked around, disoriented. She didn't seem to notice her sleeping position, just sat up and rubbed her eyes. She looked at Tommy, then at Emily. "What's wrong?"

Emily smiled and lied smoothly. "Nothing's wrong. A bunch of us went out for sushi, and I brought you some back. Want it? How's your headache by the way? Better?" Jude looked confusedly between Tommy, who was still scowling, and Emily, whose smile was much too carefully controlled. She took the container from Emily's hand and said "Um... Sure. Thanks. And yeah, a lot better, actually. Are you okay, Tommy?"

He wouldn't look at her, glaring at his hands. "I'm fine."

Jude frowned and turned his face toward her with her right hand, stroking his cheek with her thumb and saying softly "Come on. What's wrong?"

Emily threw up her hands and sighed exasperatedly. "Jude! You're engaged, for God's sake." Jude snatched her hand back as if she'd been burned. She looked at Emily, her mouth forming an "o" of shock and shame. Emily wasn't glaring or anything, but rather had an expression mostly of pity, tinged with only mild frustration. Tommy shut his eyes. "You had Tom," Emily said "but you left him, and started dating my cousin. I realize it's none of my business, but..." Emily looked at Tommy who had opened his eyes to glare at her. Her expression was pained. She looked back at Jude, whose head was pounding, images of Tommy and Alex spinning in her mind. "Jude, you have to see what this is doing to Tommy."Pain in his expression as he hugs her. _God, I hate this. _"To Alex, too." He looks scared as he asks where she's been. _Just don't forget you have a fiancé at home waiting for you._ "You're killing them. It's not fair. We can all–"

"Emily!" Tommy shouted. "Enough!"

Emily turned to look at Tommy, "I'm just saying what you won't, Tom." She turned back to Jude. "Jude, you have a half hour to get ready to perform."

Jude's nose was stinging, tears threatening. "Em, I'm–"

Emily shook her head. "Not to me." She bent down to hug the other girl. "I know this is hard for you too." She whispered in Jude's ear. "But you have to be fair. You can't try to keep both this way, or you'll end up hurting both, too."

"Emily!" Tommy yelled again.

"I'm going, Tom!" She gave Jude one last pointed look, and slid with her ballerina's walk out of the room.

Jude was splintering, shattering, her head and heart pounding. Tommy was breathing heavily, his head turned away from her. After a silence that seemed to last forever, she said his name. It came out as squeak, so she cleared her throat and said it again. "Tommy, I messed everything up. I– I never stopped loving you." She stammered. "And th-that's not fair to anyone."

"If you loved me" Tommy said, his voice ragged, his face still turned away "why did you leave?"

"I guess I thought... you were keeping me from spreading my wings. I– I saw you as a crutch. I thought I needed to get away from you if I was really going to... going to grow. Or something."

Tommy took a breath and held it for a second, letting it out in a whoosh of air. He turned to look at Jude. "Girl, the last thing I ever wanted was to hold you back." His voice was cracked and raw. "I loved you, Jude. More than I've ever... I always have. I would've been willing to..." He shook his head. "I'd have done anything."

Jude tasted blood in her mouth suddenly, and realized she'd bitten through her lip. "I don't regret leaving, you know." She saw his face contort with pain and hastened to clarify. "No, look. I don't regret leaving, because some part of me really did need to be on my own. Needed to leave you, just to prove to myself I could do it, if I wanted to. You've left me so many times. And every time, it practically killed me. After New Brunswick..."

Tommy winced. "I'm so sor–"

She shook her head and interrupted "I always forgave you as soon as you came back. You always made it okay again. But it scared me how _dependent_ I was on you. I was barely nineteen. I couldn't make that kind of a commitment. I needed to find out who I was without you, what I really wanted." Tommy turned away again, looking up at the ceiling. She continued softly "But that turned out to be you. What I regret is not begging for you back." to Jude's surprise, a tear dripped from Tommy's cheek and onto his shirt. In the six years (was it really only six?) she'd known him, she'd almost never seen him cry. She felt tears rushing into her own eyes, and fought down a lump that had formed in her throat. "About a week after I got to London I realised what a huge mistake I made, leaving you behind. I–" she broke off with a little sob, tears stinging her bleeding lip. She wiped them away with the back of her hand. "I may not have needed you to survive, but you were almost all I could think about."

"Then why Alexander?" Tommy asked more loudly than he'd meant to. He turned to her. "Why would you do that to him?"

Jude laughed mirthlessly. "Because I'm a horrible person."

Tommy gave her a look, and opened his mouth to correct her, but she interrupted him. "Save it. We both know it's the truth." Tommy shook his head, but shut his mouth. Jude stood up, pacing. "When I first got here, I missed you so much. You don't know how many times I dialed your number and then stopped myself from making the call at the last minute. I guess I'm just too stubborn. It felt like... I'd made this decision, and I couldn't bring myself to admit I was wrong, or something. I figured you wouldn't want to hear from me anyway." The total, sick incorrectness of that statement actually made Tommy laugh out loud.

Jude winced "Do you remember when we talked? When I called you?"

"How could I forget?"

"That was my album release. I'd left my own party. I was crying. Alex came looking for me. He was so... so... adorable. He looked at me like I was, I don't know. A goddess or something. I'd been pretending not to notice his crush, but it was sort of nice. To have someone who thought I hung the moon." Her voice grew quieter, and Tommy had to strain to hear. "He kissed me, and it was so easy. Easier than missing you. Just let him love me. And I do care about him. I do, it's just..." she paused, gathering her courage. She stopped pacing and looked at Tommy. When she spoke again, it was firmly, with conviction. "I love you more." It was the thought she'd been fighting to deny since he'd arrived in London. Tommy drew a sharp breath, raised his eyebrows. Everything held there, frozen, her words hanging in the air for a minute before Tommy stood up and closed the distance between them in two strides. His expression was fierce. For one wild second as he pulled her to him, Jude was reminded of her sixteenth birthday before their lips met and all logical thought was wiped from her mind.

Her lips parted under his, her breath filling his mouth. She tasted like coffee, like blood from her bitten lip, and just... Jude. Like everything he could ever remember wanting. Her hands tangled in his hair and he pushed her against the wall of the green room. She was acutely aware of every inch of his body against hers. His hands slipped under her shirt. She gasped for breath as her fingers fumbled with the tiny buttons on the front of his. Tommy removed his lips from hers to kiss her neck, the smooth skin of her collarbone. She was on fire. She moaned.

"Jude!" came a call from the hallway. Emily. Tommy and Jude sprung apart, both hissing curses. Tommy hastily tried to wipe lipstick from his face, re-buttoning his shirt; Jude desperately straightened her clothes, combing her fingers through the hair Tommy's hands had made wild, wiping the drying tears from her face. Emily appeared in the doorway a second later. She was carrying a clipboard and wearing a headset. She gasped at the sight of the two of them, with their lips swollen, breathing heavily. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, shock written all over her face. Jude was frozen with shame and dread, her heart pounding and her head still spinning. Finally, the shock on Emily's face turned to fierce anger. She just shook her head. "Jude. You only have fifteen minutes left to get ready. I'll do your makeup myself. Tommy, Mum needs you for something. She's on stage left. You two are _so_ damn lucky it was just me who walked in here." She looked at Tommy and pursed her lips. "You have lipstick right here." she said, indicating a spot next to her mouth. "I'd suggest getting it off before you talk to mum. You may want to fix your shirt, too."

Tommy jerked his hand up to his face, rubbing off the spot of red and fixing the buttons on his shirt, some of which he'd buttoned into the wrong holes. "Better." Emily said. She pulled the mic on her headset down to her mouth and pressed a button on the pack on her hip. "Nicky, I'm sending Tom over now. I have to finish getting Jude into makeup and wardrobe myself." She grabbed Jude's hand and pulled her towards the door that led to her dressing room. Jude resisted, looking at Tommy frantically. "Tommy, I–"

"We'll talk about it after the concert."

She grabbed his hand. "But–"

"Jude." Tommy said firmly. "We'll talk after. Go." When she just kept staring at him he said. "Jude, come on! You have to perform! Go! I promise we'll talk later." His look was pleading. Jude nodded and snapped to her senses, her carefully cultivated professionalism kicking in, admittedly a little late. She dropped his hand, turned, and followed Emily, letting the older girl push her down into a chair and start ripping through her tangled hair with a hairbrush. Emily stuffed Jude into an outfit she'd picked out earlier and applied her makeup with practiced speed. Neither spoke, save one quietly exasperated, "Really?" from Emily when she noticed the split in Jude's lip.

"Miss Harrison" a man came in right as Emily sprayed the last of Jude's hair into place. "we're ready for you." Jude nodded. She could hear fans chanting "Jude! Jude! Jude!" from the stage door. She stood up and grabbed her guitar, opened the stage door and walked into the little curtained backstage area.

"They're a great crowd" the stage manager, Brad, said to her when she came through the door. "Really high energy. Watch your tempo. You'll be brilliant."

Jude nodded and took a few deep breaths, getting herself into performance mode, letting the energy of the crowd seep into her and wash out all the craziness with Tommy. She looked at Brad, who held up one finger, signaling "wait", and said something into his headset. The band started to play, and he nodded and pointed, cueing her. She took one more deep breath, smiled widely and bounded onto the stage, waving at the audience, who went wild. Feeding off their energy, Jude let the music take her.


	22. Chapter 22

After her third encore– Brad hadn't been kidding when he'd said the crowd was great– Jude said into the microphone "Thank you all so much for coming! You've been amazing! Have an awesome night!" She blew a kiss to the crowd and ran offstage with a wave.

There was a cluster of people giving her high fives and hugs and saying "great show, Jude!" when she came through the stage door. She hugged her band, who came as close as anyone ever could to being a decent replacement for Spied and Wally and Kyle. She wasn't nearly as close to them as she'd been to the SME boys, but they rocked just as hard, music-wise.

"Jude, that was brilliant." Nora said, kissing her on both cheeks. "You really pulled through, not that I expected anything less."

Jude smiled "Thank you."

Nora clapped her hands together. "I have fantastic news. We've been planning it for a long time, but I didn't want to tell you until it was finalised."

"Oh?"

"Emily and I..." She paused for dramatic effect "have managed to get you a four month_ world tour_! Dublin, Edinburgh, Berlin, Paris, Hong Kong, Tokyo, Sydney, Buenos Aires, New York, Los Angeles, Vancouver, even Toronto, where you've got a couple weeks off over the holidays so you can see your family and friends back home. We're spreading the word, and people from cities all over are calling us asking if you'll perform. In Norway, Sweden, Austria. And it finishes with the concert of the year right here in London!"

Jude was shocked. "Wow. Nora that's... wow. When?"

"You give a kickoff concert here and leave for Edinburgh two weeks from tomorrow. Right after the release of your album."

Jude's eyes widened. "That soon?"

Nora nodded, beaming. "Isn't it exciting?"

"But what about–"

Nora rolled her eyes. "If you must, I can let you bring him, at least for part of it. Though I suspect my sister will protest."

It took Jude a moment to realize that the "him" Nora was talking about was Alexander, and she flushed with embarrassment that she hadn't thought immediately of her fiancé.

"I'm also seeing about recording some of the performances, and recording some new songs in some guest studios so we can put together a tour album. So, of course, we'd want your co-producer with you. And, after all, there are places where Boyz Attack and Lil' Tommy Q are still big names. _Amazing_ publicity, if we could get him to play piano with you..." Nora looked ecstatic, and Jude could practically see monetary symbols flash in her boss's eyes, like in cartoons. It would have been funny, except that Jude's head was spinning at even the mention of Tommy coming on tour with her, and the idea of Tommy and Alexander _both_ being there made her downright sick to her stomach.

Nora, totally misinterpreting Jude's shell-shocked expression, beamed some more. "You're speechless. I knew you would be. It's a fantastic opportunity. Well, you have Emily to thank for it." As if on cue, Emily came up behind her mother and touched her on the shoulder, saying "Mum, they need you for something. Some problem with paparazzi? I dunno."

Nora sighed dramatically as if to say 'my work is never done,' and swept out of the room.

"Jude" Em said when her mother left. "Tom is looking for you. Green room."

Jude's heart started to pound uncomfortably. She grabbed Emily by the arm and dragged her away from the people still milling about. "Em, look. About what you saw before..." she trailed off, looking down at her feet.

Emily raised an eyebrow. "Go on..."

"Just please don't–"

"Tell my cousin you're cheating on him?"

Jude made a noise of protest, her eyes wide. "I'm not–"

Emily scoffed. "Really? Is _that_ why I caught you snogging Tommy Quincy?"

"It was one kiss!" Jude protested. "Do you want to keep your voice down, please?"

Emily sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'm supposed to believe that's the only time since he's been here? I see you two together. It's all over your faces."

Jude grabbed Emily's wrist, looking earnestly up into her angry hazel eyes. "I promise you that was the first time since I left Toronto. The only time." But her heart twisted away from the idea of never kissing Tommy like that again, never feeling his hands on her skin, his lips on hers...

Emily looked uncertain. "You're absolutely sure?"

"I promise."

Emily's hard glare finally softened into sympathy and she gave Jude a hug. "I won't tell Alex. Believe me, I understand how it is to get carried away with the wrong guy. But you've got to talk to Tom. _Now._ You've been leading him on, and that's... I don't think you get how much that can hurt."

Jude nodded, on the brink of tears. "Yeah, I will. Thank you."

Emily kissed her forehead in a way that made Jude miss Sadie. "Fix this, Jude."

"I'll try."

.

Tommy was sitting on the couch in the green room, head in his hands. He noticed her and stood up when Jude cleared her throat, his eyes locking on hers and filling with sorrow and guilt and pain, and something else. Something fierce and soft and burning that twisted Jude's heart and made her feel like she might melt into a puddle on the floor of the green room. She'd seen it in his expression for years now. Had begun to recognize it for the first time on her 16th birthday. Love. She knew, could feel, his expression reflected on her own face.

"Hey." Tommy said quietly.

"Hey." Her voice was smaller than she'd wanted it to be. She took a few tentative steps towards him.

"About earlier..." Tommy began. "I shouldn't have–"

"Please don't apologize, Tommy." Jude interrupted. He was in front of her now, his gaze sad.

"But it was my fault. I made a mistake."

"No." Jude insisted fiercely. "Don't you dare say that." She reached her hand up to cup the side of his face, and all of her promises to Emily left her brain. She pulled his face down to hers and kissed him tenderly, in complete contrast to the burning, needy way they'd kissed before. Tommy kissed her back, trying to hold onto the feeling of it for as long as he could, but put a hand on her throat after several seconds, pushing her away gently. "Wait." He said softly. "What about Alex?"

Jude's eyes were wild, her thoughts wilder. "He doesn't need to know." she whispered as she pressed her lips to his again.

Tommy pulled back again, farther this time, his expression surprised. "What are you talking about?"

Jude laughed, hysteria creeping into her voice, which pitched higher and higher as her throat closed up. "He won't find out. You and I can be together. He doesn't have to know."

Tommy shook his head, getting angry now. He grabbed her hands from around his neck, pushing her away. "What the hell? This isn't like you."

"What do you mean? I love you both. This way it can work. He doesn't have to know."

"You hate secrets."

"But you don't. You like them."

"Not like this!"

"You're choosing now to get all moral? Don't you love me?" She reached for him again.

Pain flashed across his face. "Don't say that. You know I do." His voice cracked and he shook his head, frowning again. "But I won't" he insisted angrily, shoving her hands away, "be _that_ guy. The other guy. The one you cheat on your fiancé with? Jude, you can't be serious."

Jude felt like she'd been slapped. She flushed scarlet and looked down at the floor.

"No, look. I love you. And I want you. So, so much. But not like that. Please." He put his hand under her chin and tilted her face upwards towards his, looked her hard in the eyes. "It's all or nothing, Jude. Me or him. You've got to choose."

Jude was panicking. "Tommy I can't leave him... He's... I can't–"

He was looking at her like she'd sprouted an extra set of limbs. He dropped his hands, took a step back. "I can't believe you. After your dad, and Shay... How could you even consider that?"

The memory of her first boyfriend, and of the end of her parents' marriage hit her like a freight train and she gasped, putting a hand over her mouth. She felt sick, disgusted that she'd even considered it, much less said it out loud. "Oh." she whispered. "Oh God."

"Jude," Tommy said, reaching out to touch her shoulder. She jerked away, shaking her head, making Tommy instantly regret what he'd said. "I have to go" she said, her voice just a breath. She turned and practically ran from the room.

"Jude!" Jude heard Tommy call from behind her. "Dammit, Jude! Wait!" She ignored him, concentrating on keeping the tears pricking her eyes from running down her cheeks.


	23. Chapter 23

"Jude!" Emily exclaimed when Jude almost crashed into her in her haste to get as far away from that room as possible. "What are you doing? What's wrong?"

Jude smiled a little too widely. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong, Em. I just need to go home."

Emily looked at her suspiciously. "What happened with Tommy?"

Jude felt a spasm of pain and shame, but tried to keep it from showing on her face. She lied. "I apologized. For, um, leading him on." The lump in her throat was choking her and she cleared it. "And told him that I couldn't leave Alex."

Emily put a hand over her mouth. "Oh, hell. Is Tom okay?"

"I don't know. But you said–"

"I know, I know. It was the right thing to do, Jude. You know it was."

Jude nodded and ducked under Emily's arm, starting to walk away, to the door.

"Where are you going?" Emily asked, catching her wrist.

"Home." Jude said.

Em looked at her like she was crazy. "You know you can't leave yet. It's not safe. The fans... Especially on your motorbike."

Jude felt panic rising in her stomach like bile. She needed to get out of there. Needed to get back to her apartment. Needed to talk to Alexander. Needed to erase the lingering feeling of Tommy's lips.

Emily bit her lip, seeing Jude's expression, and said reluctantly "Well... I suppose I could load the bike into the back of one of the vans and I could drive you home that way..."

Jude looked at her frantically, pleading. "Will you please?"

Emily hesitated, but conceded with a reluctant nod. "I guess you've had a rough day. I'll do it. But you'll have to stay hidden when we drive past the crowds."

"Thank you so much."

Emily put on her best martyr look and sighed dramatically "The things I do to help you out." she said, and led Jude back to where they'd put her motorcycle.

Jude thought about fighting with Alex the night before. "Wait, Em. Could you take me to Alexander's instead?"

.

Alexander's apartment wasn't nearly as luxurious as Jude's. His family was wealthy, but his parents had stopped paying the rent on his nicer apartment around six months after Jude had started dating him, saying they needed to teach him "the value of his money in a more tangible way."

Jude remembered Alex having ranted indignantly when he'd come over to her apartment after going to his parents' house that day and telling her the news. "Can you believe that? Me, majoring in economics! _I_ need to learn to manage money? Oh but my little sister the art major gets her flat paid for? Totally unfair!"

She'd teased him about being a spoiled rich boy, unable to live without his parents' money, and he'd scoffed. "Like you aren't spoiled, miss rock star."

"Hey!" Jude protested. "I had to work hard for my money!"

Alexander had grinned and teased her. "Because your job is _so_ difficult."

With a noise of protest, Jude picked up one of Alex's school textbooks and proceeded to chase him around with it until he'd turned suddenly around and grabbed it from her. She hadn't been expecting it and ran into him, toppling them both over onto her couch. Alex had laughed and put the book on the coffee table, kissing her gently. They'd kissed for a while (because it was what you _did_, Jude remembered thinking. It had almost come to the point where it didn't seem horribly surreal and unnatural every time Alex kissed her or held her hand, and that was a relief.) Alexander's lips were soft, and he always kissed her gently, as if afraid he'd break her, or else that he'd scare her away. After a minute she pulled back and asked "If you can't afford your place what are you going to do?" Alex sighed and gently pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I dunno. I might have to get a smaller flat." He grimaced. She'd kissed his nose and got off of him. "Babe, if you..." she trailed off. Alexander looked at her questioningly. "Well, if your new flat isn't as nice... You can... I mean... you spend a lot of time here anyway... If you want, I can give you a key. I have a spare bedroom, or... whatever."

His eyes widened. "Jude, are you asking what I think you're asking?"

.

"Jude." Em said, tapping her on the arm. "Helooo! Jude, we're here."

Jude was pulled out of her reverie with a jolt. "Oh! Sorry, Emily. I'm... tired. Thank you so much for driving me."

"Are you going to tell Alex?" Emily asked grimly.

"About what?"

"What happened with Tom."

"I... I can't, Em... That would kill him. He'd... It wasn't a big..." Jude could feel the sensation of splintering again, and she desperately wished someone could hold her together. She shook her head "I can't."

Emily hmmed. "Okay, Okay. I get it." She leaned over and gave the other girl a hug before shooing her out of the car.

.

When Jude walked into the apartment, Alexander was standing in his small kitchen in front of the stove. He glanced over his shoulder when she walked in, and said "hey" somewhat dejectedly.

"Hey."

"Thought you had a concert."

"I did."

"Thought you couldn't leave right after because of the fans."

"Em smuggled me out. I wanted to see you."

"Hmm."

"Babe, about last night... I'm sorry."

He turned around and smiled a little. "It's fine, Jude. I overreacted."

"Can we just pretend it never happened? Just... erase everything?" She shut her eyes for a couple seconds against the onslaught of emotions that came with thinking of 'everything'. "Actually... Can we just erase everything since he..." she sighed. "since my birthday?"

"Really?"

"I just want to... start over. We're engaged, and I love you and... start over. Please."

Relief spread over Alex's face and he smiled wider. "Yeah, Jude. I'd really, really like that."

He stepped forward and folded her into his arms. He was warm, and it felt nice, but... she rested her head on his chest and tried to feel happiness, love, relief, _something_, but she couldn't. Desperate to erase the somehow still lingering feeling of Tommy's lips, she raised her head and pressed her mouth to Alex's, kissing him fiercely. He kissed her back at first, after letting out an initial noise of surprise, but he pulled away after several seconds. "Jude, this is going to boil over." He kissed her forehead and pulled away, turning back to the stove and stirring the pot. "Do you want some?" he asked, carefully tasting the sauce and adding a red spice Jude didn't recognize, and didn't care to.

"Not really." She said in a low voice, and Alexander felt her arms slip around him, cool hands sliding under his shirt. "What are you doing?" he asked, laughing. Her fingers stroked the skin of his stomach, and it sent shivers up his spine. "Not" he added as she pressed up against his back and he felt her warm breath on his neck, giving him goosebumps. "that I mind..." He turned off the burner and slid around in her embrace to face her. "But this isn't like you."

It was the second time that night someone had said that, and the words gave Jude a jolt. She tried not to sound upset when she responded. "What do you mean? I just... missed you. That's all." She looked up at him from under her eyelashes, smiling a little too innocently.

Alex chuckled. "Well, alright then." He kissed her in the sweet, gentle way he always did, but Jude kissed him back hard, nearly sending him into the stove. He broke away for a second, breathlessly saying "Careful! That's still hot." he pulled her away from the kitchen. They crashed down on the couch, which had been Alex's before he moved and was large and soft and somewhat out of place in his small new apartment.

Jude and Alex had always been somewhat more inclined to sit together and do separate things than to make out– they would sit at opposite ends of the couch, Jude would play her guitar, write songs, while Alex worked on his computer, her legs resting on top of his. It was kind of sweet, but Jude had a feeling they were both aware of the unusual lack of a sexual aspect in it, more like a long-married couple than one that was newly engaged. After all, they _were_ practically living together. Even though they each had their own homes, they mostly both stayed at Jude's. Slept in the same bed even.

They _did_ have the occasional make-out session or whatever, and they had sex sometimes... Didn't they? (Their first time had been... interesting. Alex had been scared out of his mind, and it had made him hesitant and clumsy. He had denied it when she asked if he was a virgin, but his inexperience showed. It was sweet... kind of. She had tried not to think of _her_ first time, tried not to compare... to miss...)

But recently (especially since her birthday, honestly) the amount of time she spent with Alex in _any _aspect had dropped considerably. Alexander was right, this wasn't like her. It hadn't been like her for months. Jude tried to defend this to herself by saying she'd been busy. With her album release coming up, she'd had to spend more time in the studio than she did at home. But it was mostly because, for reasons she couldn't ever seem to admit to herself, it had begun to feel somehow wrong for her to kiss Alexander like this, like a betrayal. And if she was being totally honest, hadn't it always?

The feeling was haunting her now, and Jude was determined to get rid of it, losing herself in skin and lips and hands and tongues. She forced herself to stop thinking, to just kiss him, and her shirt was off and so was Alexander's, his warm skin beneath her fingers. All sensation, erasing emotion and confusion and wrongness.

But somehow in the back of her mind, _he_ was there, and he was kissing her in D's office, and in the church from her childhood, and in studios at G Major, and in her rehearsal space back in Toronto, and in the green room this afternoon. And she kissed _him_ and breathed him in. He moaned and murmured against the skin of her neck that he loved her, and she whispered his name, a word that felt like smirks and hair gel and music as she breathed it out. Alexander froze. Pulled away. Hissed "_what?_" Her eyes sprung open and she pulled back. His eyes were wide, full of shock and hurt. Jude whispered "Oh my God."

Alex regained his ability to move then, and pushed Jude off of him more gently than he felt like he should have. He grabbed his shirt and stood, looking down at her, betrayed and hurt.

She looked up at him pleadingly. "Babe, I don't– don't know where that came from. I just–" she broke off, shaking her head, which had started to hurt again, a sharp pain behind her eyes. She put her hands over her mouth and whispered through her fingers "I'm so sorry."

Alex stared for a second and ran his hand through his hair. "Do you love me, Jude? Really?" His voice was shaking slightly.

She stood and put her hands on his shoulders. "Of course I do."

He twisted away. She bit her lip and sat back down on the couch.

Alexander was quiet for a moment, then asked "Do you love me more than you love Quincy?"

Jude winced and pain shot through Alexander's chest. "Of course." she whispered quietly, avoiding his eyes.

Alex took a deep breath and said in a controlled voice, "Jude, please don't lie to me. Look me in the eyes and tell me you're not cheating on me with him. Tell me he doesn't matter."

"I... He... I'm not _cheating_, babe, I wouldn't..." She looked into his hurt face desperately "Well of course he matters to me, Alexander! He's my friend."

Alex hissed an exasperated sigh "Promise me you don't love him anymore!" He looked desperate. "Or... or even if you can't promise that just... at least make me believe that he's not who you want. That I'm more important." his voice cracked and he kneeled in front of her, putting a gentle hand on the side of her face. His eyes were wide, pleading, shimmering with tears. "Please, Jude. I love you. Please. Please." He was begging her to stay with him, clinging to her like a life raft, but he was asking for a lie that she couldn't bring herself to tell anymore. She stared at him, mouth open, for what seemed like an eternity. Then, with a lump in her throat, she said "Oh, Alex, darling." and kissed him lightly on the forehead. She stroked his hair gently and whispered "I can't. I'm so, so sorry."

Alexander inhaled sharply and pulled back, stood up and walked away, down the short hallway into his bedroom, reeling. _They were right._ His mother, Maren, all of them. He'd defended her the whole time, claimed that they didn't know her like he did, that they couldn't see. But clearly he'd been the one who wasn't seeing. He'd been blindfolding himself the whole time. It had all been a lie. He shut his bedroom door with a bang and stood over his bathroom sink, feeling like he was going to be sick. _He couldn't believe they'd been right. _

Jude jumped at the noise of his slamming door, regret rushing through her almost immediately. After a minute she put back on her shirt, stood up, and knocked on his bedroom door. "Ba–" she broke off before using the term of endearment. "Alex, we need to talk about this. Alex?" He came to the door a few seconds later. It looked as though he'd been washing her lipstick off of his face, and water was sticking his hair to his forehead and clinging to the tips of his eyelashes. "There's nothing to talk about." His eyes were no longer teary, just dark with anger and betrayal.

She reached out to touch him, saying "Of course there is." He flinched away, but she reached for him again, stroking his hair.

"Stop!" He shouted. "Don't touch me!" Alex almost never raised his voice. She winced and pulled her hand back. He squeezed his eyes shut briefly and said "I think you should go."

"What?"

"Leave! Get out of my flat!" he was shouting again.

"Babe, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to– Look, can't we just–"

"No!" he shouted, and forced himself to take a breath. "Please just leave. Me. Alone." He said it more quietly, but venomously, and Jude took a step back and nodded mutely, turning back down the hall and walking very slowly towards the door to the apartment.

"Wait." Alex said from behind her when she was almost at the door. She spun hopefully to see him a few paces behind her. She looked into his eyes, but they were still cold and angry. "The ring." He said quietly.

"What?"

"Give me back the ring."

"But–"

"My grandmother's ring, Jude! The one I gave you! I think I'm entitled, given the situation!" He shouted again, clenching his fists at his sides. She had to struggle a little to get the ring over her knuckle, but she managed, reaching it out to him. "Just put it on the table." He said tiredly, wanting to avoid even that simple skin contact.

"I'm sorry." she whispered again, as she put the diamond ring down on his kitchen counter. Where it had once felt odd and heavy, now her finger felt bare without it.

"I'll send your stuff to you in the post next week, alright?" he said in a coldly polite voice, not acknowledging her apology, and avoiding her eyes. "If you could send me mine, I'd appreciate it. Leave your key too, please." Despite the detached formality of his voice, Jude could see that he was shaking, coming apart at the seams. She nodded and he turned away, walking down the short hallway to the bedroom. "Alexander, I'm sorry." she called one last apology after him. He didn't respond, just slammed his bedroom door so hard that a picture fell off the wall outside it.

Her legs, almost of their own accord, carried her the short distance down the hall. She almost laughed when she saw it, it was so cliché. The picture that had fallen was a photo of the two of them, from a magazine photoshoot several months ago. A futile attempt to get the media more interested in her relationship with Alex than her various rumored love affairs with other more famous, and therefore more exciting, men. Jude bent to pick up the photograph. She was looking at the camera, smiling, and Alexander had his arms around her, his lips pressed to her temple. The glass of the frame hadn't completely shattered, just spiderwebbed like a windshield that's been hit with a rock. The crack splintered out from the corner of the frame to divide the glass, obscuring both faces. Jude stared for a few seconds before placing it back on the ground and walking away, grabbing her keys. She carefully removed the key to Alexander's apartment, placed it next to the ring, and walked numbly out the door.


	24. Chapter 24

After dropping Jude off at Alexander's, Emily drove back to the concert, hoping her mother wouldn't catch her driving the tech van. It had been a completely rotten day overall– the drama with Jude and Tommy had only been icing on an already horrid cake– and Emily was feeling ill. Getting yelled at by Nora was the last thing she needed.

There were still fans swarming around when she drove up, but the crowd was half the size it had been before, and was shrinking fairly rapidly as people finished buying CDs, T-shirts, and posters, and slowly realized they were not going to catch a glimpse of Jude Harrison as she exited.

When Emily got inside the building, it occurred to her to check and see if Tommy was okay. She found him sitting on the green room couch looking numb. There were a few things that looked like they'd been knocked over: a chair, a folding table. Her heart went out to him, knowing all too well how he was feeling. "Tom?" she said tentatively. He looked up, startled. "Oh. Emily. Hey."

She sat down next to him. "You okay?"

He smiled wryly. "Been better." Emily winced. He shook his head. "But it's my own fault."

"Tommy–"

"Can we change the subject?" he said, cutting her off. She sighed for what felt like the five-hundredth time that day, and Tommy said "Is something wrong? You look about as good as I feel."

"It's stupid." Emily said quietly. "I'd rather talk about you and Jude."

"No." Tommy said fiercely. Then, more gently, he said "Please. I can't. Tell me what's bothering you."

"It's nothing. It's stupid." she shook her head, but after a few seconds, she continued. "There's... a man. And I... I think I am, or... was? in love with him? But he doesn't..." she trailed off.

Tommy raised an eyebrow.

"He's... a producer." She looked sideways at him and he groaned. "Oh, Shit. Em, I'm... I don't know what to say."

She looked confused, then let out a startled laugh. "Oh, no! Not _you_, Tom. I mean, you're great, but... no. I met him at Jude's birthday." She sighed. "But he's married."

Tommy had a vague recollection of Emily dancing with an older man in a grey suit, and the next day, giggling into her phone. "Em... that's..."

"I know, I know. But he's just... amazing. We met at Jude's party and we hit it off straight away and his wife was out of town so we got a room at the hotel and it was..." she took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "We've been seeing each other since."

"But he told you he would leave his wife, and he hasn't." Tommy guessed.

Emily winced. "She's pregnant. He told me he couldn't do it anymore. That he had to be a better father to his son. That he didn't ever want to see me again. I know it's the right thing to do but..."

"It hurts like hell." He finished empathetically. "Oh, Em, I'm sorry."

She was crying softly and he placed a hand gently on her shoulder, at a loss as to what to do, when out of nowhere, she reached for him and kissed him on his slightly open mouth. "Woah! What're you doing?" He said, pulling away.

"Look." She said quietly, a little desperately. "I just want to get rid of it. Stop thinking about him, and how he broke my heart. Forget..." she shook her head, as if trying to clear it. "Don't you, too?" Tommy sighed, she looked at him pleadingly, her wide blue eyes red and puffy, tears still flowing down her cheeks, and he didn't have the heart to tell her that it didn't work, that he'd tried it already. That, after Jude had left him, he'd tried to get her out of his head with a dozen women. Models, every one of them physically perfect, and dumb as posts, and all it had done was make him miss Jude's smile and messy hair and guitar-calloused hands more. But he didn't say this, just let Emily kiss him, her long straight hair falling around their faces like a curtain.

.

Jude wasn't entirely sure what she was doing when she came back to the concert venue. She'd had a moment of panic when some of the fans in the still-lingering crowd looked over at the sound of the motorcycle when she rode up, but they looked away and she was relieved that her helmet covered her face and hair well enough that they didn't recognize her, and that even the craziest of crazy paparazzi would have a hard time recognizing the bike and helmet on the mostly dark street.

She'd cleaned up briefly at home, changing shirts and washing the smeared lipstick and leftover stage makeup off her face. Even though she felt she should, Jude hadn't cried about Alex, so her eyes were only a little bloodshot, not red or puffy. The only hint of what had happened at Alexander's was her now bare left ring finger. She touched it self-consciously as she walked through the relatively complex halls of backstage to the green room where she found herself hoping Tom would still be.

Tommy and Emily heard the door open and both looked up in alarm. Jude stood frozen, staring at Emily, her pink lip gloss all over Tommy's mouth. "Oh." was all Jude could manage to say. Her headache worsened, quickly becoming a full-blown migraine. She could feel her pulse pounding in her brain.

"Jude! What happened?" Emily said, quickly removing herself from Tommy. Jude missed the tears on Emily's cheeks, noticing only her smudged lip gloss.

"No, no. Don't mind me. I just came to get my– my necklace. I think I left it in the dressing room." She stammered, lamely.

"You're wearing it." Tommy said, softly.

"Oh." her hand flew to her neck, where she was indeed wearing the necklace. "No... I meant a-a different... It doesn't matter. I– I'm leaving. You don't n-need to..."

"Jude, wait. Will you just let me explain?" Tommy said. "This isn't... what it looks like."

Somewhere beneath the shock and pain, it struck Jude as ironic that now, when he had absolutely no reason to explain himself to her, he tried to, whereas on her 18th birthday, when he'd just kissed her sister, he hadn't even bothered. "You don't owe me an explanation. It doesn't matter. It's none of my business. I'm just gonna..." she gestured to the dressing room door. She made a dash for the little room, ignoring Tommy's "Wait!" and prayed that it had another door. It did, and she used it, quickly getting her helmet and putting it over her face before anyone could see her fall apart.

.

Tommy cursed, and Emily bit her lip, wiping the last of the tears from her face.

"Tom..." she said carefully "are you okay?"

"No! I'm– Jude just..." he cursed again, collapsing back down onto the couch and hitting his fist against the armrest.

"Look... Why does it matter? She told you you couldn't be together, that she wouldn't leave Alexander, right? So why does it matter?"

Tommy was bewildered for a second at that. Was _that_ how Jude had told Emily the story? _God._ But he didn't correct her, just put his head in his hands.

Emily tried again, touching his back lightly. "If she's still with Alexander it shouldn't–"

"It just does, alright?" He stood up and grabbed his jacket. "I'm going to get a drink."

"But–"

Tom smiled weakly. "Go shopping. Isn't that what girls do when they're upset?" he looked at her sadly. "Hooking up with someone else doesn't make it any better, girl. I promise. If anything, it makes it worse. Trust me, ok? I've tried it a thousand times."

"Do you want me to talk to her?" Emily asked quietly.

"No. You're right. It doesn't matter." He said, deftly wiping lipstick off his mouth for the second time that day.

"Please don't do anything stupid, ok?"

Tommy laughed mirthlessly. "No stupider than usual."

She looked up at him, concerned "Please, Tommy. Be careful."

"Yeah, yeah. Okay." He said in a tired voice. She stood up and gave him a hug before he walked out to drown the day in alcohol.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Honestly, this kind of thing doesn't happen in real life, but it's the bread and butter of Canadian teen drama, and I'm nothing if not devoted to the canon...


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: **This is the second to last chapter, and also the shortest one in the story. Go figure.

* * *

><p>For the next three days Jude called in sick. Nora called her on the fourth, the day the album was due, and told her she needed to come in to mix the final song, or there would be serious consequences.<p>

Years of fame had made it so Jude was used to people looking at her when she walked into a room, but today was different. Today, it didn't feel like people were looking at her, but rather at her left hand, at the absence of engagement ring on her finger. She shoved her hands into her pockets and walked to the studio with her head down, avoiding eye contact.

Her stomach dropped when she saw that Tommy was already there, sitting at the sound board. He looked up when she walked in. There was a frown on his face. He opened his mouth, planning to yell at her for missing so many days of work, putting them in danger of missing their album deadline, but he didn't. Instead he just said "You're back."

Jude nodded, hands still in her pockets. "Sorry I was gone, I was–"

"It doesn't matter." He cut her off. "We have to finish this today. We're lucky we were ahead of schedule before." He said it sharply, and Jude shut her mouth and sat down next to him.

Luckily, the song they had left to finish mixing was a fairly innocuous party song about London and music and fame. Jude wasn't sure she could have handled this if it had been one of the more emotional songs.

They didn't talk, expect for short comments on the song like "make the guitar louder at 1:44." or "less drums on the second chorus." Tommy was careful to avoid looking at Jude.

When the song was as perfect as they could make it, and they'd burned the first copy of the CD, Tommy handed it to Jude, and she said softly. "It's done." The short phrase was dripping with double meaning, and Tommy finally met her gaze. "Yeah." He drew a long breath and said "You're one hell of a musician, Harrison."

Jude felt tears prick at the back of her eyes and replied quietly "All thanks to you, Quincy." They sat in awkward silence for a moment before Nora knocked on the glass and gestured for them to let her in.

"Please tell me you're almost finished." Their boss said when Tommy opened the door. "We're supposed to send that in tomorrow, and the board has to review it first."

"All done Nora." Jude said.

Nora made an impatient gesture and Jude handed her the disc. She spun it in her hands once as if inspecting it for flaws, then smiled. "Congratulations, kids. You've done it." Jude and Tommy both forced smiles. "Tom, I need to speak to you tomorrow afternoon about some things regarding your contract, but Jude, you're off for a week and a half until the kickoff concert." Nora grinned, said "Good job. Both of you." and walked away humming, totally missing– or ignoring– the tension between her employees. Jude quickly hurried after her, leaving Tommy in the studio.

... ... ... ... ... ...

For the next week Jude obsessively cleaned her apartment and prepared for tour. She got one call from Nora, which she answered (they'd had a brief and painful conversation in which Nora had quietly asked for confirmation of the breakup, and said nothing but "alright." upon hearing the answer) and four calls from Emily, which she ignored. Jamie called too, while she was packing up a box of Alex's things to send to him, and she nearly broke down again at the sound of her best friend's voice. She told him everything, and he stayed on the line with her for over two hours, telling stupid jokes, and talking about NBR, which was doing really well. He avoided the topic of Zeppelin, except to say that things were good when she forced herself to ask. Typical Jamie, being so careful to avoid topics that would upset her. She told him about how she was coming home to Toronto, and he actually squealed with excitement, which sent her into peals of laughter. When they grew silent she asked "Do you think Alex is okay?"

"Right now?" Jamie asked. "It depends on your definition of okay. But I doubt he's doing very well. It's only been a week since you basically told him you'd rather be with Quincy. That doesn't feel very good. I would know."

"I know, I know but... Do you think he'll be okay eventually?"

"Of course he will." Jamie responded without hesitation.

"How do you know?"

She listened to the strangely comforting sound of his breathing for a few seconds, and then heard a smile in his voice as he said. "Come on, Jude. I was, wasn't I?" He sighed. "It took a while, but eventually I just... I realized you're not the end-all. That I could love someone else. He will too. Trust me."


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N:** Here it is, the last chapter!

* * *

><p>"–and I'm leaving for tour in three days. I haven't talked to any of them." Jude told Sadie, referring to Tommy, Emily, and Alexander. Jude had desperately wanted to tell her sister about everything when it happened, but D had her and others from the "G Major family" in a village in Zimbabwe for two weeks helping build a clinic. He'd had the whole thing filmed, and they were planning for it to air on MTV. In typical Darius fashion, it was equal parts publicity and humanitarianism. At any rate, Sadie had been out of cell phone range. Jude had left a somewhat incoherent voicemail message telling her sister everything from kissing Tommy before the concert to everything with Alex to seeing Tommy with Emily. The only thing she hadn't mentioned was what she'd said to Tommy after the concert. That mortifying detail she kept to herself, not even telling Jamie. Sadie had called back as soon as she got off the plane in Toronto. Jude had been packing all day and it was early evening in London. "Hey Sades. How was Zimbabwe?" She'd answered casually after seeing the caller ID. "Don't 'How was Zimbabwe' me, Jude. What's going on with you?" Sadie asked, her voice full of concern.<p>

Jude had explained everything again in less detail. Talking about it with Jamie had brought her to tears more than once, but now it just made her chest ache.

"Is Tommy coming with you?" Sadie asked, talking about her tour.

"I don't know. I don't know anything."

"Oh, Jude. Are you okay?"

"I'm... okayish.

"Are you going to talk to him before you leave?"

There was a knock. "I don't know. I doubt it. Hang on, someone's at the door." She went to it and looked through the peephole. Her heart skipped a beat. "Um...Sadie," she said breathlessly, "I have to call you back. Tommy's here."

"What? Are you okay?" Sadie asked.

"Yeah. I'll call you later, alright? Love you, Sades."

"I love you too. Good luck."

Jude opened the door just as Tommy was turning to leave. "Tom, wait."

He turned back to her, his hands in his jacket pockets. "I didn't think you were home."

She mimicked his stance, slipping her hands into the pockets of her jeans. "Sorry."

"Is someone... here?"

"No. I was on the phone with Sadie." She pursed her lips and added, somewhat bitterly, "It's just me."

His brow furrowed for a moment, but he asked "Then can I come in?"

"Sure, of course." She stepped aside and opened the door wider for him. He took a few steps inside.

Jude shut the door and stood with her back against it. "So..." she trailed off, not knowing what to say.

Tommy looked down at his feet. "I came to say goodbye."

The words stung, though she'd been expecting them. "I take it you're not coming on tour?"

Tommy shook his head, still not looking straight at her. "I was never contracted to Bermondsey. It was a test run. Nora asked me to come, but I told her I couldn't do it. She begged me to think about it. Something about playing piano for you in Tokyo?" he rubbed a hand along his jaw. "But I just... can't. I'm going to call her and tell her no."

Jude bit her lip. "Is it because of me?"

Tommy looked like he wanted to deny it, but instead he said "We can't... be friends, Jude. We've tried it a hundred times. It's never going to work."

_Then we don't have to be just friends._ She pled silently. But she just said "I know we can't." She swallowed hard. "Are you leaving London?"

"Yeah, in a few days. I might go back to Toronto or maybe Montréal. Hell, I don't know. Maybe Dublin. But I can't stay here."

"What about Emily?"

Tommy's head snapped up "What about her?" It was the first thing he'd said with any emotion besides depressed resignation. "There's nothing going on with me and Emily, Jude."

"Oh. Right, sure." She replied, unable to keep a bit of irritation from her voice.

"I _told_ you it wasn't what it looked like."

Jude pursed her lips and snapped "So she fell on top of you, and accidentally smeared her lip gloss all over your mouth. Yeah, Tommy. I'm sure." Tommy let his head fall back with a groan of exasperation and Jude shook her head "Forget it. I already told you you don't need to explain yourself to me. It's none of my business."

He looked her in the eyes for the first time, and said emphatically "Listen to me for once, ok? _She_ kissed _me_." She opened her mouth to protest and he quickly added. "And I let her. But I was... she was..." he sighed "She was upset over some guy, and she was trying to get over it, or something. You can't tell me you've never done it, because I know you have." He raised his eyebrows at her and she breathed out slowly. "Ok. Ok. I get it." she said, believing him. She ran her left hand through her hair. Tommy's eyes fixed on her bare ring finger, then on her face. His gaze flickered away again and he said "You lose your engagement ring?" the word "engagement" stuck in his throat like it always did.

Jude, who naturally assumed someone at Bermondsey had told him, thought Tommy was being cruel, and glared. "That's not funny, Tom."

He looked back at her, confused. "Funny? Why would it be funny?"

She frowned, but then a look of comprehension crossed her face and her eyes widened. "Oh my God. No one told you?"

"Told me what?"

She laughed in disbelief. "I didn't lose the ring, Tommy. He took it back."

"He what?" He asked, shocked.

"I can't believe no one told you. Alexander and I..." she swallowed hard. "We broke up, Tom. It's over."

Tommy stared at her in disbelief for a moment, then when he saw she was telling the truth, his face filled with sympathy and he said "Oh no. Jude."

Jude smiled a little. "It needed to happen. It wasn't... wasn't right, me and him. It never was." Tommy took a few steps towards her.

"I'm sorry, girl."

She smiled in earnest this time. "You should be, Quincy. It's all your fault." He moved so he was standing right in front of her, and she pushed him lightly in the shoulder. "If you weren't so..." she continued a little breathlessly, losing her train of thought as his gaze flickered to her lips, and he placed his hand on the back of her head, lacing his fingers through her hair. "close..." she whispered.

Their lips met.

.

Some many lifetimes later, they lay in Jude's bed, her curled up against him, head on his bare chest as he lazily stroked her hair with his fingers.

She was half asleep when a quiet song started to play from somewhere. It took her a minute to recognize the sound of her cell phone.

"Leave it." Tommy murmured into her hair. His fingers trailed lightly down her back and she shivered, but forced herself to move. She kissed him lightly and sat up. "It's Sadie. I recognize the ringtone. I was on the phone with her before you got here. I told her I'd call her back, but I was sort of..." she looked at him over her shoulder "preoccupied."

"That's one way to put it." He laughed.

She slid from under the covers, searching though the clothes piled on the floor for her cell phone, which had by now stopped ringing. Tommy watched her as she stood and speed-dialed her sister, and his eyes on her naked body were beyond distracting. She picked his jacket up and put it on. It went down almost to her mid-thigh. Tommy pouted and Jude rolled her eyes.

"Jude." Sadie answered on the second ring. "You never called me back. I was worried. What happened?"

"Um..." Jude looked at Tommy, who was still staring at her in a way that made her skin tingle. "We... talked." Tommy snorted a laugh.

"About what? Is he with Emily?"

"No. He explained that. It was a misunderstanding." Tommy reached around her waist and pulled her to him, slipping the jacket from her shoulders and kissing her neck.

"Did he mention Alex?"

"Yeah... sort of..." Jude was having a little trouble concentrating, to say the least. She squirmed out of Tommy's arms, pushing his hands away. "Um... I told him everything." she said to Sadie.

"You mean he didn't already know?" Sadie asked, incredulous. "I mean, God. At G Major he would've heard it practically before it happened."

"I know. Here too, I thought. But maybe Alex..." his name felt strange on her lips. Tommy's hands dropped from her arms. "Maybe he hasn't been telling anyone. I mean, I haven't been. I don't know."

"So what happened when you told him? Is he coming on tour?"

"I'm not exactly... Well... We..." Jude glanced over at Tommy, who said "Let me talk to her."

Jude said "hang on a sec, Sades." and obliged, handing him the phone, slipping his jacket off, and crawling gratefully back under the warm covers, where Tommy's arm pulled her snugly to his chest.

"Hey" Tommy said, putting Sadie on speaker.

"Tommy?"

He smirked. "Sadie."

"So you're still..."

"Mmhmm."

"Oh!" Sadie said, in realization. "Oh, God. Ew."

Jude stifled a laugh.

Sadie coughed somewhat uncomfortably "Tommy... Are you sure this is..." she sighed. "You know what? The lecture can wait. I'm happy for you."

"Thank you Sadie." Tommy smiled.

Jude leaned in towards the phone slightly "You're the best, Sades."

"Yeah, yeah. Tell me something I don't know. Try to... try to take care of each other this time, alright? Promise?"

Jude and Tommy looked at each other. "Promise." she whispered. He didn't need to say anything, his expression said it all as he stroked the side of her face with the hand not holding the phone. He let his lips linger softly on the corner of her mouth before tangling his fingers in her already wild hair and giving her a kiss that made every nerve in her body catch fire.

Evidently, the kissing was audible through the phone, or else Sadie had just correctly interpreted a long silence, because after a bit she said "Oh my God. Are you serious, guys? Really? You couldn't hang up the phone first? Jude? Tommy? Oh, come on."

Her sister's voice sounded to Jude like it was coming from a very long ways away, but she pulled back and said breathlessly "I'll talk to you soon, Sades."

"Not that soon." Tommy added with his trademark smirk, and ended the call in the middle of Sadie's exaggerated gagging noise. He tossed the phone unceremoniously back onto the clothing-covered floor. He held Jude for a moment, his mouth hovering above hers, their noses touching. "I love you." He whispered. When he finally pressed his lips to hers, he kissed her slowly, as though they had all the time in the world.

.

**THE END**

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><p><strong>AN: **awwwww the love! There's a small serving of Jommy fluff, for those of you that have been wishing for it :P

and with that, the story is over! Pretty soon I'll post an authors note "chapter" at the end (probably later today, maybe tomorrow) where I'll say thank you, and ramble on for too long about the characters, as well as give info about a sequel.

Thank you all so much for reading! 3


	27. Author's Note

First of all, thank you guys so much for reading! Your reviews really brighten my day! This is, of course, just an author's note, not a real chapter and it's WAY TOO LONG. (Sorry)

Probably most of it won't interest most of you, so feel free to skim it.

I've broken it into sections for your convenience:

**1)** basic explanation of my process in writing this

**2)** sequel info (probably the one the most people will be interested in)

**3)** my thoughts on Jude/Tommy/Alex

**4)** acknowledgements

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><p><strong>1:<strong>

I worked really hard on this story, and it means a lot that you read and reviewed it. I've said this before, I think, but I started it in either late July or early August of 2008, which means that this story has been in progress in one way or another for almost four years. It's kind of my baby. Obviously I didn't spend all of that writing (a few times I went months at a time without even looking at the story) and, as for the time I did spend working on it, most of that time was spent editing the parts that I already had written rather than writing new scenes (which is a really good thing, because my writing ability changed rather drastically from age 14 to age 18, as you might expect.)

I also jumped around a lot in the timeline of the story. I believe I wrote the beginning up to before the birthday party all as one, but then I got stuck and started writing some scenes set in the middle (some of which didn't make it into the final cut. I also have some scenes and things that I wrote purely for character development, though some of them made it into this story as flashbacks, and more might make it into the sequel). Because of that, the only way it really made sense to post was to wait until all of it was finished and then post it, and that goes for any chaptered fan fiction of mine, since that's just the way I write. The posting as you write thing doesn't work for me at all.

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><p><strong>2:<strong>

**EDIT: sequel is posted as of January 8, 2013. It's called _Lost and Found_ and I really hope you all enjoy it!**

Some people have asked about a sequel, and I'll say right now that I have started one (I actually started the first scenes of it right as I was writing the last scenes of this back around Christmas). It's nowhere near finished, obviously, and I'm not entirely confident that it will end up working, which means there's still a chance (though a fairly small one) that I'll end up scrapping it completely and not writing a sequel at all.

If I do get it to work, I'm going to have to spend quite a bit of time editing it, since that's what I do. That said, it's shaping up to be much shorter than this (probably around a third of the length, maybe a little longer) so there's very little chance it will take me as long as this did. Right now I'd say that the best case scenario is that I finish it this summer (I go to university in early September, and I have a really full schedule, as well as some significant medical issues I'm dealing with, so I can hopefully have a good portion done by then) and worst case (except for if I don't finish it at all) it takes me a about a year, so you get it by next summer.

If/when I do post the sequel (or if I decide it isn't working and give up on it) I'll add another note-chapter to the end of this story to let all of you who've put this on story alert know that I've started posting the sequel, or you can always put me on author alert to get an alert whenever I post any new stories.

Review or message me any time with comments, questions, suggestions, beta requests, pretty much anything except harassment :P and feel free to read my other stories!

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><p><strong>3: the unnecessarily long (though hopefully interesting?) section<strong>

Okay, first off, I love the character of Alexander to death. He's sweet, and smart, and devoted, and he does stuff like make Jude breakfast in bed, and just... a bunch of other stuff that makes him a great guy. He really, really, loves Jude. That's why, even though deep down he knew what was going on, he was in denial for so long about Jude and Tommy. Someone (RomeoLimaDos, I believe) complained in comments that he didn't fight for Jude enough, but I think that he did, in his way. But he's this sort of bookish, sort of shy, somewhat awkward guy, and he didn't know what to do besides just try to make a point of trusting her, of being sweet... he basically just tried to be the best boyfriend he possibly could, and hoped that it was enough, even while he knew deep down that he was losing her. Alex is great, but Jude kind of ruins him.

Jude I like considerably less, and I especially dislike Jude+Alex (Jalex?). I dislike it for the same reason I've always disliked Jumie (Jade?), and that's because Jude always seemed so bored with it. Here she has this great guy that is completely and totally in love with her, and wants nothing more than to make her happy, and she isn't ever satisfied with it. In the beginning of the story you can already see that Jude is forcing herself to be happy with the guy she knows she should be happy with, but it isn't working. She doesn't need someone who will bend over backwards for her, who's safe and nice, and smart, she needs someone who drives her crazy, and fights with her, and challenges her. And who do we know who does that, hm? She's never going to make the "right" choice. She's going to keep choosing passion over safety, no matter how much she tries to fight her desire to do so.

When Jude is with Alexander, he holds her back, and she makes him get all annoying and clingy and lost-puppy. But in the end she's the one that's too scared to let him go. She's too terrified to make the choice she knows is technically "wrong." She's afraid of getting hurt, which is what has always and will always happen with Tommy, and she tries too hard to hold onto her safe, comfortable, "right" engagement to Alex, when what she actually wants is what will make her truly happy (even when it hurts) rather than what should make her happy, but instead just bores her.

But poor Alex has mommy issues, and is therefore attracted to that passionate, fiery, rockstar-type of woman, rather than the sweet, smart Zeppelin-type girls he should be attracted to (side note: lol at how Jamie's type went from Jude and Patsy to Zeppelin. That is the opposite of sense-making. I don't care, though. I love Jamie/Zep) You even see it in Maren a little bit. I mean, I know you don't know her as well as I do, since she was only in two scenes, but trust me, that girl is pretty feisty. She's just also smarter than Jude, and she always cared more about Alex, because he was her best friend as well as her boyfriend.

I've rambled on for too long. Basically, if I were in Jude's position, I would choose Alex every time, but Jude will always choose Tommy. Always. It's not the smart choice, because man their relationship had been messed up (Tommy's a pretty messed up guy in general), but it's the one she'll make, when it counts. And who knows, maybe Jude and Tommy will eventually grow up, and get to the point where they can be in a happy, committed relationship without destroying each other every few months or so.

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><p><strong>4:<strong>

Thank you to all of you that read the story. You're why I write.

Thank you to everyone that reviewed, especially your long reviews. You have some very interesting things to say about the story, and I enjoy reading those. Also, thank you for all of the compliments you've given me and the story. Such high praise, even if I sometimes feel it's undeserved, makes me feel really good about myself, and that makes me want to write more!

Thank you especially to anyone that read and reviewed back when I first posted the sucky initial draft in 2009 (I don't actually think any of them read it now, but if you did, let me know! It'd make my day.) because those reviews helped me fix SO many things, like, oh, I don't know, the entire format of the story (I used to have these weird and sometimes even unrelated "flashback chapters" in between every chapter... It was bad :P)

Also, of course, an extra special thank you to Chloe, the Watson to my Sherlock.


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